Barack, Bol & Curtis

At the very beginning of Byron Hurt’s new film Barack & Curtis, a guy talks about how black manhood has come to be defined as how many women you have, how many children you have, and how many times you’ve been to jail. It’s actually a voice over by Terrance Dean, the fudge who wrote that DL hip-hop book. And it got me to thinking: Yeah, it’s silly that spending time in the pokey has come to be viewed as a sign of black manhood. But the rest of it, I’m not so sure.

Having a shedload of kids doesn’t necessarily seem like a good idea, in the sense that, who’s got the money to take care of kids these days? Lord knows it’s hard enough to put food on yourself, let alone an entire family. But if money isn’t an issue, I’m at a loss for how having a lot of kids is definitely a bad thing. Or for why that wouldn’t make you seem especially manly. Is that not what makes us men, our balls and hence our ability to procreate?

Similarly, I’m not as willing to dispense with the notion that being with a lot of woman is a sign of black manhood. I’m not saying that a brother should have to score with as many broads as possible in order to be considered a man. I’m just saying. I don’t know that a black man having the ability to be with a lot of women, or the fact that a lot of women are interested in being with black men is definitely a bad thing.

Later on in Barack & Curtis, a woman named Esther Armah tries to suggest that the image of black men put forth by the media is typically along the lines of a Fiddy Cent, i.e. shirtless, violent, and oversexed, and so that’s what black women have come to desire in a man, and hence black men who don’t fit that mold are no longer seen as being as desirable. And honestly, I’m not so sure if I’m buying that.

I mean, basically, what you have here is a chicken or the egg argument. Do black women desire guys like Fiddy Cent because that’s what they see on TV, and they have to have everything they see on TV (which they do), or do black women desire guys like Fiddy Cent because that’s just what women want?

It strikes me as being similar to the question of whether men like women with lighter skin, longer hair, and a relatively high bust to waist ratio because those are the kinds of women you see on the cover of Cosmo, or because those are all signs of youth and fertility, and men are programmed by nature to seek those traits in a woman. The answer is obviously the latter.

If black men have come to be viewed by society as being especially capable of, erm, fucking, I’m at a loss for how that’s definitely a bad thing… except for the fact that it might not be viewed as desirable by corporate America. But what about those of us who aren’t of any use to corporate America anyway?

There was a time in my life when I thought I might become a part of corporate America. I went to college, and I’m not completely retarded. So I figured I’d I might be able to find a job where I’m not condemned to a life of poverty. Of course, I didn’t. Which is how I ended up here.

The worst part about it though is not so much the fact that I don’t get to sit in rush hour every day and have the white man breathing down my neck for hours on end. It’s the fact that, not only have I failed to succeed as a white man, so to speak, but I’ve also somehow failed to succeed as a black man. I should have three or four illegitimate kids by now, but I’m not even sure if I could fuck very many black chicks if I wanted to. They don’t really go for brothers such as myself.

Thank god for fat white chicks! I can hardly fathom having sex with one of them, myself. But one of the great untold stories of our time is how many black guys, who might otherwise be in jail or some shit, are laying up with big Sasquatch-looking white women. If we can’t get ahead in this life otherwise, even by following the rules set out for us by The Man, at least we might be able to fuck our way into relative prosperity.

But only because a lot of women want to fuck us in the first place. Thanks to the likes of Fiddy Cent. Barack Obama, on the other hand, not so much?

One thing I noticed about Barack & Curtis is that, for all of the time it spent discussing how the image of Fiddy Cent is based in stereotype, they didn’t spend any time at all discussing whether or not the image put forth by Barack Obama is just as much of a facade as the image put forth by Fiddy Cent. Which it is.

As far as I know, Barack Obama isn’t actually a eunuch. But he pretty much presents himself as one on the campaign trail. Whereas Al Gore damn near raped his wife on stage at the Democratic National Convention eight years ago, just so everyone would know that’s how he gets down, the most you might see Obama do is give his wife a terrorist fist jab.

Is there really that much of a difference between playing into people’s mandingo fantasies in order to sell records, and pretending as if you don’t have a cock in order to be elected president? At least Fiddy Cent had a ghetto he was trying to escape.

  • ri067953

    Yo, bol, you forgot one factor in the equation. According to the Maury show, usually the fat white chicks that date black dudes are also poor. So, in theory, a black man cannot fuck his way into prosperity

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      No, but one thing a black man can do is prove that, if you drop enough words from a sentence, you can alter it’s meaning to your liking.

      • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

        weak.

  • DV8

    I mean, basically, what you have here is a chicken or the egg argument. Do black women desire guys like Fiddy Cent because that’s what they see on TV, and they have to have everything they see on TV (which they do), or do black women desire guys like Fiddy Cent because that’s just what women want?

    there is a reason they call it “Television Programming”.

  • http://www.prettypancakes.com amar

    i gotta disagree on the reasoning behind womens’ love for fiddy cent. I think they love him for the same reason white women loved kiss and the rolling stones: because they’re rock stars. And I think rock stars are loved for the same reason drug dealers or dudes w/motorcycles are loved: bad boys. Nothing to do with being black, buff, cool or a thug.

    also disagree re: obama and his woman; FOR A POLITICIAN, i think he feels up his wife in the most balanced and normal way. After a debate, mccain would do a fake-looking hug and wave to crowd, whereas obama would put his arm round michelle and have conversations with her and shit.

    http://www.prettypancakes.com

  • og bobby j

    “the most you might see Obama do is give his wife a terrorist fist jab”

    love how you threw that in there…

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Yo! I didn’t see no argument in there as to why being black is better! You wack, son!

    50 gets the hoes because hoes love MONEY. Any colored bitch would rather live life with an ugly dude with dollars than a broke-ass handsome brother.

    Luckily, I was born good-looking and the only thing crisper than my collar on a Friday night is the stack of C-Notes in my pocket.

    Bitches ain’t shit.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

  • DETROIT

    this is actually a very intellectual argument bol….GOOD JOB.

  • capcobra

    bol..it’s hard being a black man out here nowadays..but it sure feel good to be a nigga!…..damn.

  • Yayza

    “But if money isn’t an issue, I’m at a loss for how having a lot of kids is definitely a bad thing. Or for why that wouldn’t make you seem especially manly. Is that not what makes us men, our balls and hence our ability to procreate?”

    You’ve got to be kidding me. The world’s resources are being used/wasted at an alarming rate, overpopulation is finally a possiblity, and you’re presenting the idea that having a fuckton of kids is a GOOD thing? People that have more than 3 kids are douchebags, and more often than not are bad parents who send their devilspawn into the world to fuck it up even more than they already have.

  • geico lizard

    the crazy thing about obama is he is completely coming across as the safe educated black man who isnt violent and doesnt want to have sex with you white daughters but white republicans still hate him as much as they hate malcolm x. it just goes to show you that you can never be good enough for some racists they will always paint you as bad. black women want bad boys the same reason white women want bad boys, its not the media its just that women are crazy and they dont want to truly be happy and settle down with a nice guy who works hard so when they finally get that man they want they are sad the chase is over so they cheat on him.

  • Dub Sac

    One thing I noticed about Barack & Curtis is that, for all of the time it spent discussing how the image of Fiddy Cent is based in stereotype, they didn’t spend any time at all discussing whether or not the image put forth by Barack Obama is just as much of a facade as the image put forth by Fiddy Cent.

    I don’t think you touch on anything interesting until this paragraph. Facade or not, Barack’s image is certainly not as prevalent a stereotype as 50, and I think the point is to question why that is. Barack’s image is more sustainable and if more people emulated Barack, I think the black community would be healthier.

    Emulating 50, on the other hand, will most likely get you killed, put in prison and offer nothing beneficial to the community around you. But somehow, in spite of this, 50′s facade is more prevalent – there are more images of the gangsta drug dealer than the educated, thoughtful black man.

    I haven’t seen the film, so I don’t know how successfully it explores the topic, but I think that’s more the question it’s trying to raise.

  • balaramesh

    very good bol.

    fiddy would do ANYTHING for publicity and to sell records. if he though he could sell records with a “barack” persona he do it within minutes

  • http://xxl gside

    I think matter of fact women like a dudes that’s in shape hoe’s like a dude with money. I seen it in my life I was broke ass hell going to gym everyday for about to years I mean my mom’s was pay for my membership that how broke I was I wan’nts even trying to holla and they had to no I was broke by the way I was dressed . I fuck around with a nurse who had bad ass crib a married chick who family own a construction company and a hustling chick this is with no money I could have mess around with more than that if I thought I was a pimp. Then I got some money let my self go a little bit the class of women I was fucking around with fell off or it could be my secert titie bar addictiton but it were you hang out it not all black women if it them at all it’s how you present youself so get off your ass bol .

  • BORN IN THE NORTH, RAISED IN THE SOUTH

    Women want guys like 50 Cent because they’re all evil psychopaths.

    But pussy sure is good though…..

  • droopey

    I think ‘geico lizard’ nailed it unfortunately women are attracted to danger and its not going to change anytime soon. The bad boy wins again. Its funny how they never marry/settle down with the bad boy but end up with the hard working, smart brother in the end.

  • http://www.rizzleworld.blogspot.com allnice

    Great post Bol, let me add my two cents as usual. Most black men are superfluous in the hood so going to jail definitely isn’t a sign of manhood. America takes too much pity on black men and allow them to hang out in jail with free meals and free time to work out and relax. These niggaz like jail so much they keep going back on purpose. To me that is just a sign of a bunch of niggaz who couldn’t survive on their own in the streets or at least die like a warrior.

    Making a bunch of babies is only a sign of manhood if those babies are heirs to a powerful dude. If the dude is some worthless prison jail bird, his kids are going to follow in his footsteps. Also even if the dude is a fucking hero, he still has to choose the proper woman. I’ve met many cool bros who end up suffering for life because they married some dumb bitch.

    Women are nothing but dangerous playthings to man. Owning a harem of bitches is definitely manly because you are displaying your power to dominate these crazy hoes. You are even more powerful if your hoes know you fuck with other bitches and they like you more because of it.

    Thus, Curtis and Barack don’t qualify for manhood. They are interested in money, fame, and being some type of new idol for lame niggaz. Barack is probably more of a man than 50 though because he is older, handsome,and is interested in ultra power. Fiddy is gorilla with rabbit teeth fake savage who is only interested in money.

  • Smel

    “It strikes me as being similar to the question of whether men like women with lighter skin, longer hair, and a relatively high bust to waist ratio because those are the kinds of women you see on the cover of Cosmo, or because those are all signs of youth and fertility, and men are programmed by nature to seek those traits in a woman.”

    I get the bust to waist ratio, but since when is light skin and long hair a sign of youth and fertility?

  • http://www.myspace.com/chronikill ROX ONE

    hilarity