Who Exactly Has Swagger Like Puff?

Talk about negroes making SDN Tournament pushes.

As if you needed a reason to listen to “Swagger Like Puff” twice inna lifetime, Poppa Diddy Pop created 2 installments of the corresponding Diddy Blog.

SLP Diddy Blog #1

SLP Diddy Blog #2

I fear for Black America if there’s actually a wave of children spanning the globe that want “swagger” like Puff’s shiny ass. Swagger of that persuasion consists of trying too damn hard, pouring orange juice in inappropriate places and being an SDN on his way to beating O.D.B.–None of which is a good look.

Wu-Tang is for the children, children.

Actually, I’ll take that last one back. Shiny Suit Sean is nowhere near as lustrous as he once was. Aside from all the blood diamonds, homie’s actually looking a little ashy. Diddy got that old-nigga-at-the-club swagger in full swing with that New Jack City sweatsuit/Jeep combination.

“..and the bitches? Lawwwwd, the bitches. I got my jimmy waxed like 4 of 5 times this week! They wasn’t coming back for Da Band! They comin back for Donnie Klang!”

Donnie Klang just sounds like some weird slang term for an illicit drug.

“Lemme get some of that Donnie Klang, cuz. I’ll suck yo’ diiiick!”

Who pours orange juice on cereal? If that ain’t some Golden Girls shit, I don’t know what is. Maybe Ciroc Obama should be calling himself “Estelle Ghetto.” (R.I.P. Sophia) If he’s lactose intolerant, that’s further indication of old-ass-niggadom.

[Blogger's Note: Y'all niggas better stop actin like I was the only nigga who watched Golden Girls with grandma-nana on a slow Saturday afternoon.]

Why did he censor the pouring orange juice on his Froot Loops (aside from the fact that shit is fucking disgusting)? Was there lean on the cereal or something? Eh, if the cereal was covered in lean I don’t think he’d ever be able to get Lil Wayne to leave the studio.

Shit… That’s how I’ll get Lil Wayne to do the theme song for my site! I’ll offer him a bowl of lean-covered Froot Loops. Genius! I can bake weed into shit. I’m pretty damn sure I can come up with an entire menu of Lean Cuisine for that poor little nigga.

Weezy: Yo, Ronnie. Lemme get another piece of that Lasagna! That shit better than Cita’s.

Ron Mexico: I knew you’d like it.

Weezy: Yah! *stammering* I could taste the lean. I could taste the lean, but… *goes into mini-stooper and quickly recovers* lemme ax you… What else you put in there?

RM: You know. Cheese. Ground turkey. Noodles and shit. That green shit on the top is grated $100 bills.

Weezy: I love you like my daddy. *comes in for kiss*

RM: *backing away* That’s aight, my nigga.

Hmm. Maybe I won’t be making that Lean Cuisine after all.

“I made dating R&B chicks cool?” “Suck it ‘til your hymen pops?” Is that any way to talk about Cassie? She’s already down to go half on that baby. Why disrespect her fur–

Oh, shit. “Half on a Baby?” “Suck it ’til your hymen pops?” Sounds like somebody’s been hanging with R. Kelly. From the way the interview sounded last week, I think Puffy might have been Kelly’s coach.

Actually, R. Kelly would hear a line like that and be like “damn, nigga. That’s fucking repulsive.” That’s not the way to “Sex Planet.”

How does one’s jewelry get to looking like B5? How does one acquire bouncy Puerto Rican S-Curl ice? Does your chain dance its ass off under bright lights and make terrible sounds? I’ll be waiting for an explanation of that line in particular. I won’t hold my breath as I’ll probably be waiting as long as The Lox did for their publishing rights.

When you have to beg the DJs to not switch off of your track, you lose. Nobody wants to hear you talk shit without Biggie in front of, I mean–behind you.

For as much as the song proclaims unique “swagger” in principle, the product is more of the same like Jawn McCain. Puffy is not only doing what every ghetto nigga does as soon as he gets his tax return, I mean–hands on some change, but he’s doing it poorly. This man used to be a trendsetter. Now he’s the old guy clearly a few steps behind trying to keep up with the youngsters.

If he didn’t have so much damn money I’d be embarrassed for dude.

“I gotta go back to Harlem like a museum to remember what bein all fucked up was like.”

He’ll fuck around now and see nothing but the children of wealthy and well-to-do white folks… save for the projects and such. We all know he ain’t goin there. I know I shouldn’t but I’d love to see an additional minute or two of this video with Puff getting snatched out of that doorless jeep and tossed face first into a pile of doo-doo.

*SPLAT!*

Don’t patronize the hood by coming down from Mount Olympus to bask in it for inspiration. Drop by your baby mama house and play with your kids or something, you old-ass nigga.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Still wanna act like Puffy when you grow old up? ron@ronmexicocity.com

SDN Tournament Round 1, Division A voting will close tonight at midnight!

  • Ayre

    Piddy so silly

  • Worley

    Bluff has been a ringmaster for years. But lately it seems he has become the biggest clown in his circus.

    “Diddy got that old-nigga-at-the-club swagger in full swing” for sure.

  • John Brown

    FRIENDS DONT LET FRIENDS DRINK & LISTEN TO A DIDDY CD…

    SMH @ Diddy beating ODB in the first round…

  • TheCo!!inB

    I’m calling shenanigans on this drop Mex. Usually your on the money homes but deep down *pause* you gotta know Puff is still a funny clown ass gettin money ass nigga. He could be out here in tight jeans actin up but he stays pretty close to home with it and he still genuinely calls people “playboy” and “money” and well, that shit is cool to me………i should also mention i’m bias because i’m a stan.

  • TheCo!!inB

    …..but I did kinda raise an eyebrow when he poured that OJ on his cereal…..beats takin metamucel though right?

  • 0121

    Dude he has the CENSORED sign because he mentions his ‘big dick’(no homo)

    not because he has lean on his cereal.

    i think puff was just mad that he wasnt put on the remix along with the others.

    peace

  • these posts are racist

    You sound like a hater to me. Diddy is not old. He is having fun, and why shouldn’t he? What harm did this video cause? It actually made me smile. I miss the fun in Hip Hop.

    • http://1290wmcs.com “The Party Killa”

      ^^^Andre Harrell post

    • Shawty J

      Um, he’s a blogger, he’s supposed to sound like a hater.

  • diddyboppin

    someone needs to get this dude some anti-depressants already, what’s it been 11 years now?

  • DV8

    Puffy is good, but Wu-Tang is for the children!!!!

  • Maddolies

    Ron Quit the bitchassness u know Puffy Will Smack U Over Ya Head wit a bottle of crystal if he eva saw u. Diddys The Fuckin Man! P DIDDY!!!

  • giantstepp

    “Now he’s the old guy clearly a few steps behind trying to keep up with the youngsters.”

    Classic! Nothing is more pitiful than that shit. Well, older women trying to look and act like a young girl is more pitiful. Truthfully, Im up there with Diddy in age Ron Mex. But I will never be “the old guy clearly a few steps behind trying to keep up with the youngstas”. Good shit Ron!

  • Pierzy

    What it is, Mex! On the real, back in ’95 we all thought Puff was a mogul and a genius. Then again, some thought the same thing about Percy Miller. I like Puff’s work ethic but dude needs to go back to working like he did in ’92 rather than just talking about all that…

  • Bobo D

    Diddy beating ODB?
    I’m sure Diddy heard of the SDN tournament through the grape vine and thought it meant Smart Distinguished Niggaz, and got some interns to vote for him.

    Not to sound like a E-Thug…
    But Ron if Diddy wins the SDN tournament ,through ‘suspect’ votes, thats on you. Because I’m sure we’ll be recieving ewetube videos on this subject.

    Diddy on recieving SDN of the year:
    “I told you I won’t stop, I told you I won’t stop!Now that the people of Mexico city and XXL have elected me SDN of the year,it’s now time for you to go out there and vote for the next president.
    Vote or Die bitches, Vote or Die!”

  • Bang

    p diddy is named after donkey kong’s seed

  • master cheef

    lmao at this whole post. that weezy convo was out of control. wayne has got to be the gay rapper. why does superhead insist that diddy is gay? why does diddy claim he can have sex for 30 hours straight? why is he top 3 on forbes list, when he really hasnt sold that many of anything in quite a while?

  • Pingback: XXLmag.com - » You May As Well Crown R. Kelly The SDN (Smart Dumb Nigga) Champ Now

  • DETROIT

    come on ron, puff is that dude! anyone who can get millions of people to watch a video blog, that he doesn’t even talk on, is a beast!

    but i am glad you addressed the orange juice situation. i was beginning to think that maybe it was a NY thing!

  • anutha_level

    “Diddy got that old-nigga-at-the-club swagger in full swing…”

    yup-yup! and i bet shit won’t change even 10 years from now…we’ll still be seein this cat shuckin-n-jivin on camera.

  • BIGNAT

    [Blogger's Note: Y'all niggas better stop actin like I was the only nigga who watched Golden Girls with grandma-nana on a slow Saturday afternoon.] you know you can’t touch grandma t.v. when you was in her house i hated that shit. even if she was sleeping it was like she would wake up to slap the remote out your hands and tell you i am listening to it.

    puff a fool but he has been since running the nyc marathon. he was bitching about how hard it was it’s a fucking marathon you idiot. diddy problem is he wanna be richie rich one day then try to act like he a regular nigga the next day.

  • BIGNAT

    i went and watched those vids puff need some help

  • http://XXL GSIDE

    Puff could never win sdn title his not dumb at all see how many times he got shot none see how many years he done none he’s the get a smart dumb nigga to take the fall for me champ! Ron Mexico i’m putting in know that puff be disqualify from the SDN TOURNAMENT for not meeting qualification.He never does dumb shit he makes money and fuck’s with hoe’s now is he the lame’s nigga ever to get money maybe but far from dumb is he the old nigga in the club yes. He’s like Bush dumb when he fuck up he still makes money nobody else and the public gets disappointed that’s not dumb that’s genius he probely master minded dis whole sdn tournament put his name on it win the championship and keep his name hot come on Ron Mexico I watch to much cnn to fall for that bullshit you picking who you want to win you so posse to be unbias I smell payola’

  • http://xxl GSIDE

    p.s. Ron he’s the play dumb when all the shit I was just hyping up gets to hot to handle King he hold that shit down.

  • Pana

    Diddy got that old-nigga-at-the-club swagger in full swing with that New Jack City sweatsuit/Jeep combination.
    I cant stop fucking laughing! *wipes tears from eyes*

  • http://hiphoponmymind.blogspot.com/ DJ Daddy Mack

    LMAOOOOOOO AT THIS SHIT. DIS IS SO TRUE. WHAT IS DIDDY PUSHING NOW? 40?

  • Shawty J

    Hilarious blog. Diddy just needs to stop. Every time I check out a Diddy Blog (which has only been five times, if you include both versions of “Swagger Like Puff”) I feel dumber. Dude’s spreading ignorance like fire among a forest in California.

    “Swagger Like Puff?” Boy stop, Diddy took this beat from Jay-Z and Tip, and then took his flow from Kanye and several lyrics from Lil Wayne. Then he goes on to say “I can’t make this shit up.” Damn skip, Puffy, you get your writers to do it for you. No one has swagger like Puff, because he has to steal, I mean borrow it from other people.

    “I made dating R&B chicks cool” Well, maybe he’s right about that, I can’t diss him for that lyric. I mean he is banging Cassie after.

  • TEZZY

    I DONT KNOW WHY YA’LL NIGGAS TAKING IT SO SERIOUS LIKE SINCE HE BOUT TO BE 40 HE JUST GOT TO SIT DOWN AT A DESK AND NOT HAVE FUN GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE DUDE IS DOING HIM AND GETTING MONEY HOW CAN YOU HATE ON THAT

  • geico lizard

    sophia and rose kept the golden girls funny ron so i wont front like it wasnt funny. one time sophia said she is so old she doesnt have fingerprints anymore. lil wayne would do an entire album for your website if you pay him in drugs thats why he was dumb enough to resign with cash money they promised him all the drugs he can handle.

  • Gee

    If rap and swagger was invented in the times of Rudy Ray Moore and Blowfly why is Puffy out of date because he is still on his grind? The game was here before him and will continue after…( I stan for Estelle and the girls :)!