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NEGRO PLEASE: So Juelz Santana Didn’t Catch a Yung Berg?

[Editor’s Note: “Blogger’s Note” has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]

“Bottom line, my former manager, along with an ex-group member, accepted an astronomical amount of money for a paid date that never happened or was ever brought to my knowledge. I was NOT robbed… My staff and I were kicked out of our orginal hotel for the commotion. The promoter, myself, and my Dipset associate Blackadon worked out the outstanding issue like bosses do.” –Juelz Santana, [all the fuck over] [already]

So Juelz didn’t get “robbed.” He was forcibly relieved of his personal belongings. I get it.

You don’t win a “Negro Please” for getting robbed, but how you gonna act like yeen’t catch a Yung Berg?

Since Bol already beat the fuck out of this one I’m only gonna chime in a couple important points of principle.

According to Bol’s Saturday Night Workout (America’s Second Finest News Source), Santana the Great claims the polices were called (by a “Dipset associate,” not Juelz) and relocated the rapper’s party to a secret location like the ones you hear about on your favorite radio station. Clearly London isn’t Santana’s Town and The Mighty Dipshits were discovered by some thugs–I mean, other bosses, who robbed settled with the party to the tune of a $70,000 debt.

First, this whole shit is straight out of “The Story of Gangstalicious.”

“A! I ain’t request no police presence. I ain’t need them to take me to some secretive, safer hotel. These ain’t nothin’ but some niggas I used to owe money to when I was in the drug game. A! I was fuckin this bitch, right… and then the police bust like like ‘Yo, Juelz… You gotta come with us.’ I was all bustin a nut and ain’t have no time to get to react. A! Juelz Santana love tha pussy! A! So, yeah… they took me to this other hotel butt nekkid and I ain’t have no choice. If I’d have known they was comin’ I’d have shot em, ya dig? I’m a boss! A!

I mean… I wasn’t lookin for no police, but I ain’t mad. They supposed to do that. That’s why they downstairs now… They supposed to be there… You sure? Ain’t no police downstairs?! A?!”

Silly anecdote aside, there’s no way Santana didn’t request police protection on his own. Granted I’m not from the UK and have never been, but in civilized nations one can deny police protection if they so choose. Otherwise it’s kidnapping.

I know several victims of domestic violence and all kinds of foul shit who can’t get a cop to show up until someone’s lying in a pool of blood like a fuckin newborn baby out this motherfucker. Part of the reason why the police suck so much balls is their unwillingness to protect those who really need it. Yet, here’s Juelz getting forcible unwanted police intervention.

If I give Juelz the benefit of the doubt and concede that his entourage fucked him over with a both a shady tour obligation and made him look like a bitch with all that unwanted police protection, he’s still responsible. Thems yo’ niggas. Ask Mike Vick about the Community Property of Niggerdom. Besides, If it’s supposed to be as gully as Santana makes this  all seem those “Dipset associates” are supposed to be handling that muscle, no? Or is it more like Dipset the Movie where homie’s got the 2-for-5 purple tops and no biscuit?

I know it’s wildly illegal to be holding out there, but I remember a video with Juelz, Cam’ron and Jimmy in better days rolling around London with Tim Westwood. If they’re connected like that, they should have a couple of shooters on the team like the Lakers and post up… You know. Hit ’em with the toaster from long distance or close up. (Name that rapper.)

As Bol also alluded before my internet went out I got the chance, maybe Cam set the whole shit up. If he hasn’t sold the rights to those oh-so-gulliver SAS chaps, they might have taken some time out from their busy crumpet-eating, polo-shopping schedules to handle some blinky work.

Alls I’m sayin is if some dude with a Chelsea Football Club jersey and blurred face pops up on EweToube with the “A” chain I’ll just die.

What’s the official Santana settlement explanation for why niggas are coming after him anyway? Did he buy some new bathing apes with that 70Gs? Did he think the shit was a campaign contribution or some shit? If I get a mysterious bump in my scrilla stack I’m gonna ask a couple of questions before something fucked up happens. What the fuck was Juelz thinking?

“Yo my bad. I spent this paper I ain’t earn and they just came through to make it right.”

Negro, please. This boi argument got more holes in it than Sarah Palin’s Obama attack last night.

Again, I’m not knockin Juelz for some niggas having gotten the drop. It happens to the best, especially when playing away games. Just don’t lie to us, LaRon. Biggie was able to man up and admit that Lil’ Cease crippled him by opening the door for the cops. No one will think any less of you for admitting the same.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Trynna go to rehab?

“Besides, Juelz without a pistol, probably couldnt fight off Amy Winehouse on a crack binge.”Trouble (on Bol’s blog)

Applaud that man.

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