NEGRO PLEASE: Juelz Santana Wants to Bone Sarah Palin
[Editor's Note: "Blogger's Note" has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]
“I wanna smash her [Sarah Palin] just to wreck the whole McCain thing… It’d look like she was cheating and that’d be all crazy for the White House.” –Juelz Santana, SOHH.com
Right. And I wanna slam it to Beyonce because it would finally disband Destiny’s Child.
Come on, LaRon. When has a rapper ever had to play coy about his boneriffic desires to pillage and plunder the poontang? Alpa Chino love tha pussy. Sarah Palin looks like some kind of porno librarian. You don’t have to cover up being turned on by that Sheila Brovlovsky beehive.
At least we can derive some humor from this Santana/Palin ’08 image. I mean, imagine Juelz trying to show Palin what the 80s like. You never know. He might could make homegirl feel like Miss Alaska 1984 runner-up again.
[Blogger's Note: That's a totally moot point. Had she won her state she'd only have gotten smashed by Vanessa "Miss New York" Williams like everyone else.]
Actually, Palin still answers every question like she’s got that icy, petrified whale splooge tiara and white woman perm (which has the opposite effect of Dark & Lovely, FYI).
I know I’m discussing semantics with a man whose favorite word is a single character in length, but damn. It wouldn’t “look like” Palin were cheating if she fucked a spider monkey like Juelz Santana. She’d just be cheating. However, it’s good to know that if needed he’d take one for the team and provide his best possible Obama campaign contribution. Even better still is knowing that Santana openly considers himself a political liability.
At least I didn’t have to say it.
Thanks for the
wet dream plan, Juelz. Clearly this polar bear bitch is smear-proof, though. If she can have a pregnant teen daughter, a touchdown baby for said pregnant teen daughter, Planet Terror action photos and the shakings of a sold state plane, nothing as minuscule as an affair with the igloo cleaner some Harlem rapster is going to dampen support from the Republican Party.
It may get Juelz a Chilly Willy nut, but thatta ’bout it. Once a Republican supports you, that ass is D4L. Them niggas is more loyal than the fuckin’ Corleone Family. They’ll defend the most bass ackward candidate, so long as (s)he got that (R) behind their name when they speak on C-SPAN. Their motto has always been “It’s wrong until we do it. Then it’s some American shit.”
Hmm… Maybe he meant he’d fuck Bristol. Obviously she’s givin’ it up these days. Smart money says any Palin would be down for some “Oopsie, daise. Boo, I’m crazed. Choo-choo train Zulu cane.” You’d be surprised who’s listening to “Hey Ma” these days.
I bet it was the bikini assault rifle picture that did it for Santana the Great. Juelz fucks with Lil’ Wayne, which means he probably listens to asinine songs like “Mrs. Officer,” which means he probably has a prison complex like most black men who are wholly and completely in control of the prison state in which they live.
Isn’t that right, OG Bobby J?
There could be more to this scenario than that White Fever alone. Perhaps Santana fucks with Palin because she’d add “jewelry ransom” to the laundry list of tax write-offs for the top 1%.
That’d be some pipeage all rapsters (and Jackpot) could line up behind. Juelz would be voted into a lifetime term as President of Rapster’s Union for his efforts if dude could pull that one off.
Jeans Upshaw could be his porn star name for the subsequent videos produced and sold.
Negro, please do this. I’m actually quite fond of the idea! This is the best shit Juelz has come up with since he figured out what rhymes with “bandana.”
Questions? Comments? Requests? Got Sarah Palin high on your Fantasy GILF cheat sheets? email@example.com
P.S.: As long as we’re showing Oh Word love today, I’ll quote Rafi Kam. “Never forget.. Never forget how they used this day [9/11] against you.”
P.P.S.: Michelle Obama should be higher on your draft cards.
P.P.P.S.: SDN Tournament starts next week. We’ve got Bracketology coming Monday.