NEGRO PLEASE: Floyd Mayweather Robs His Own Jewelz

[Editor's Note: "Blogger's Note" has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]

It’s Robbery Week on “Negro, Please!”

[Blogger's Note: I know. That sounds very "Wheel of [Mis]Fortune.”]

It was cold in the D, even colder in London and now as we’re all well aware, Floyd “Money [Only]” Mayweather’s been tooken for what he appraises to be over $7 million in jewelry. After keeping the unfortunate but hilarious details of the incident under wraps for nearly three weeks, “Pretty Boy” is now offering a $100,000 reward for information leading to the discovery of his “preeeeeeciousssss.”

Floyd may as well write that check and mail it to the following address:

Ron Mexico City
c/o Ronaldo Horacio Mexico
2300 Jackson Street
Harlem, NY 10030

That’s right. I know EXACTLY what happened to this nigga’s shit.

[CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS!]

In MTV Cribs history’s most vile and pompous display of nigger richness, the pound-for-pound best fighter of his generation provides play-by-play instruction on how to rob his ass blind of the most important thing in a New Money Negro’s world.

Between his bobbing and weaving prowess and rolling with 50 Cent so hard, you’d think this man would have better instinctual ability reading goonies and “How To Rob.”

Mayweather takes a moment to incant his own omen as soon as the cameras cross the threshold of his foyer.

“We have to lock the house.”

By the time you make it past Black Jesus (who is also my homeboy), the closet full of Ramen Noodles and Instant Grits (WTF?!) and the shower for 12, Ugly Boy Floyd shows the entire world exactly where to find a jewelry stash worth more than the GDP of several African nations… put together.

In the rapster blog world I think we call showing everyone your naked jewel stash on television a “self-etherization.”

A nigga didn’t even need to fill a Jansport to come off with a star NBA player’s entire annual salary. No weapons or hand skills were necessary. All Deebo and Smokey have to do is wait until Stanley goes to work, tip-toe across his grass and hop up into that window.

Smokey: Fuck you, Craaaaig! We just came up on like… $7.5 million. Ain’t that right, Deebooooo! *Chris Tucker neck roll*

Deebo
: I just came up on like $7.5 million dollars. *walks away slowly with Jansport*

Whoever took Floyd’s shit, I too implore that you do the right thing and return it. His grandmama gave him that chain. Heh. Heh.

For realsies, though–I’ll tell you what, if you own a $500,000 watch and a Jimmy Jazz outlet in your bedroom watch you deserve to get robbed on principle. You especially deserve whatever ill comes of leaving the shit on your bathroom sink and not in a fucking jewelry safe. Fuck a $100,000 reward. I’ll break that Rolex apart and buy back my freedom.

At least make them jacker-ass niggas think they have to work for it. Set up a Tony Montana standoff instead of mawfuckas only needing to wait until you go to the strip club grocery shopping.

“I got a lot of problems but money ain’t one of them. I make it rain.”

That’s a rap song right there! You know… one of those annoying-ass fake-DJ Screw choruses.

[Blogger's Note: For anyone questioning the hip-hop relevance of this drop, we've already established Mayweather's second job as 50 Cent's peg boy. Not only did dude have enough chains and watches to make Juelz Santana's back-of-the-June 1999 Source spread look paltry as fuck, but he was also relieved of it all.

That's hip-hop as fuck.]

Oh, well. Negro… Please have fun re-upping the jewelry safe sink counter next fight.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Still wanna make it rain, yea? With a bunch of chains, yea? ron@ronmexicocity.com

I love how Lumidee’s crib is next. Bwaaaahahaha! She didn’t even seem excited.

“This is some bullshit,” murmured a despondent Lumidee behind the wheel of her custom KIA Sedona.

I mean, how you follow that Mayweather shit?! That’s a Shaq/Cory Gunz “Mario Wallet” moment if I’ve ever heard of one!

  • Pierzy

    Excellent work as always, kid!

    My only question is where does Mayweather put the brown paper bag full of millions he gets after a fight because he obviously doesn’t believe in banks or safe deposit boxes…dumbass.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      check my site… hhaahaha. i allude to it on the promo pic.

      this nigga counts a milli… all coming from his dresser…

      which is small change compared to the bathroom sink.

      and thanks, as always, P!

      • Pierzy

        My bad kid…

        Your site is blocked at the office (haters all around us) so I just saw it now for the first time from the laptop at the crib.

    • Lowedwn

      man…wasn’t u paying attention, off top half that shit goes to whatever scripper verbally slobs his balls, a quarter of it go to Roger Mayweather(with them big ass nostrils him & Floyd senoir gotta have a major coke habit) and the other quarter goes safely under his mattress…til it’s time to make it rain again, LMAO.

      Killed it as usual Ron.

  • Amar

    lol finally! i called this shit as soon as i watched that episode. Should’ve put some money on it.

    he did it right after that football player got jacked and stabbed and cnn started pointing toward mtv cribs as a potential source of such nonsense too…

    somebody needs to teach rappers and boxers about banks and taxes

  • HOLLYWOOD_p

    “ALL WE DO IS WATCH MTV CRIBS/ LEARN NOT TO INFURY THE VICTIM PURELY STICK’ EM/ BRAKE DOWN YOUR SECURITY SYTEM” -CAM’RON

  • http://www.xxlmag.com Benicio Del Thoro

    Mexico,

    I don’t know what’s on the burner for you guys in the next week, but I suggest you go in on Blender Magazine having Tupac as the #1 Most Overrated Artis of all Time. I don’t even like Pac’ like that, but that’s some shit. Especially in a month like September.

    • HOLLYWOOD_p

      ELVIS…..EASILLLLLLY!!!!! MORE OVER RATED THAN PAC

  • http://dronkmunk.com dronkmunk

    I have a question: Am I the last to know or the only one who cares that Soulja Boy has a gay sex tape? I mean, we had months upon months of making fun of Lil’ Wayne because there was a photo shopped picture of him Kissing baby. I would just much rather ether Soulja Boy on the gay tip than Wayne.

    No ‘omo.

    • BIGNAT

      WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

    • Impulse

      Nigga shut the fuck up. Them pictures of Lil Wayne kissing Baby wasnt photoshopped. That shit was on tv fuckin Idiot.

  • BIGNAT

    (I’ll break that Rolex apart and buy back my freedom.) OH MY GOD WHERE YOU COME UP WITH THIS SHIT HHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  • anutha_level

    couldn’t have happened to a better human being. and oh yea…the nigga’s breath prolly smell like provolone cheese and pissy-clit

    • NAWLEDGE

      LMAO!!

  • geico lizard

    you are right about lumidee ron because redman place looked better than hers and he was joking around with people sleeping on the floor and broken doorbells. if mayweather is offering a ransom then he didnt have his paste i mean diamonds insured so that is a huge negro please to floss its location to the world but not have it covered.

  • capcobra

    he’s offering $100k for $7M worth of jewelry?…..i’ll rather keep the goods.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      seriously. i bet you could get $200,000 from the niggas that did the jux to keep quiet.

  • Tony Grand$

    On todays episode of “When keepin it real goes wrong”, we find ourselves with a story of ignorance married to extreme, brazen stupidity. “Prettyboy” Floyd Mayweather, one of the boxing worlds most exuberant of characters, loud mouthed and extra cocky, gets robbed for millions of $ worth of jewelry. Sources say the dumb motherfu-, the victim basically invited every criminal within tv range to come to his plush, but apparently not so guarded home, and help themselves to his loot by showing locations of his wasted money, uh, precious shines. Obviously oblivious to the motives of most people not in his tax bracket, he displayed his incredible lack of common fuckin sense with the help of the nigger hating network MTV, and their coon targeting show Cribs. Like many a new money nigga before him, Mayweather had to floss larger than everybody else, only to find out firsthand why niggas on ‘Cribs’ didn’t go balls to the wall with the stuntin. Fortunately, noone was hurt (just the morons pride) and there’s even a reward for the return of his shit. The reward is nowhere near the amount stolen, and assuming whoever did this was smart enough to pull it off, nobody truly expects to see them shits ever, ever again. When the $100,000 reward was announced, the streets, in unison, responded with a thunderous “NIGGA PLEASE! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!”, end quote. When rap pissant 50 cent was asked about the situation” he replied “ha-haha-hahahahahaaaaa”, turned up his song ‘straight to the bank’, and sped off in his lamborghini. Reports are that Pretty Floyd has been seen shadowboxing in the dark while singing the theme to the “Rocky” movies, “Eye of the tiger”. So far, noone has come forward about this hilarious-, I mean heinous act, but if you see the grimiest dude in your hood all of the sudden pushin a 6 series and smellin like things done changed, be suspicious. Proving that he had what lots of hungry cats long for, Mayweather has inadvertantly become one of the hoods biggest donators, and the laughing stock of drunk and high niggas world wide. Floyds been approached by Mike Tyson, Oscar de la Hoya, and George “gang o’ kids” Foreman to fights in attempts to regain some of his stax, but he reportedly swung on them like a 16 year old girl, began sobbing, and ran away. As we end this latest episode, let’s pray for this dumb fuck that this time, hell use his head for something other than another mans puching bag. Until next time boxing fans. Ding, ding……..

  • geico lizard

    you have to go back in on bow wow and game now that the madden tournament is over. they werent in times square like they said they would be they were in some club and game played with new england against bow wow and the bengals. bow wow stopped claiming atlanta and started claiming ohio again for now so he played with the bum bengals when he should have at least played with the browns they have more offense game should have played with a west coast nfl team instead of playing with the super team on that game. it was going to be a negro please no matter who won it and i didnt see bow wow pull out 100grand im sure he will pay just ask for a rematch and double or nothing.

  • RW

    Just imagine if he took the money he wasted on buying all that stupid shit and actually invested it in an interest bearing …

    Oh, wait. Then he would be too smart to be a celebrity athlete.

    Never mind.

  • Impulse

    Aye yo who the hell is this new guy Ron Mexico?
    Yo this niggas posts is mad garbage yo this shit here is fuckin retarded.

    • Tony Grand$

      You heard the man Ronaldo, tell him who you are! Mbwahahahahahahahahaha!

    • EReal

      Only if you’re too retarded to understand it. Mo-Ron.

      Kill Yourself.

  • jojo

    I really don’t think he’s so low that he would actually promote a fake-heist to keep his name bubblin’ in the papers. Truth be told, when you have a clique as big as PBF has, you’re bound to have a person or two or dozen that are more concerned with money than loyalty.

    P.S. Floyd needs to come back, fight Cotto then call out De La Hoya…I guarantee after the fight with Pac, Oscar will do what he can to go at dude. That’s an easy 15 mil in PBF’s pocket.

    P.P.S I left out Margarito because he is one bad motherfucker that no one but Paul Williams is willing to go at…