Big Worm Steps [to Funkmaster Flex] in the Name of Love

“The family [of the girl R. Kelly was accused of having urinal relations with] ain’t sayin’ nothin. So why is your bitch motherfuckin’ ass opening your faggot dick suckin-ass rappin whatever fuckin mouth? Cuz you kow why? You’s a bitch motherfucker. You’s a dick ridin nigga and you love the attention. That’s your line. You scratch that, nigga… You feel it’s in your duty to open your bitch ass mouth about some shit you don’t even know. It’s bitch, dick-suckin’ scratchin’ motherfuckers like you that need your ass whipped on them motherfuckin turntables. And, yep. I’m the one that can do it!” -Faizon Love, Robert Townsend’s bathroom? via WSHH HoodTube

Blah. Blah. I’m in the hood all day err day. Blah Blah. Ax about me. Blah. Yeearreddy know. Blah Blah. I’ll cut your balls off and hand ‘em to ya, potna!

Blah… With your bologna breath, nigga.

I see Wendell Wilcox is still in the [parent] ‘hood. Ain’t too much changed since 1997, I guess. A nigga still breaking into Rob and Jerri’s brownstone and eating their leftover mac & cheese. I’ll put a dollar to a dime sack that Faizon listens to Funk Flex every night in someone else’s living room.

What the fuck is you puttin your address out there for anyway? Big Perm trynna get himself some fan mail? Old spiced ham and block cheese sandwich-eatin’ ass nigga. Fuck outta here!

One would think that a hood nigga would understand that an alleged victim’s failure to testify doesn’t absolve a defendant of guilt. In fact, more often than not it’s an indication of the very opposite. Of course the family ain’t sayin shit. Little duffel bag girl has that all taken care of. She won the million-dollar golden shower jackpot, remember?

While on the subject of shit hood niggas should understand, Love is also remiss to make Funk Flex’s detractory statements about one “R.O.B.” a matter of the s-word. Didn’t you get the memo, Worm? Snitching only applies to the game–not child-fucking. If Smokey had gone to the police instead of running from you, that would have been snitching.

I guess he’s not too far from Harlem. That Cam’ron school of thought must have blown his way.

I am fully aware of all principalities involved, but Funk Flex is entitled to his belief that R. Kelly is a nasty-ass nigga. While Flex may be both annoying and bitchmade, yeen’t gotta be a bitch nigga to find fault with R. Kelly being free as a bird. You could be an outraged parent. You could just have a marginal respect for women. You could be concerned about celebrities being held to a separate standard from the common man.

But, of course, since Faizon Love’s lonely, no pussy-gettin, spiced ham-smellin’ ass enjoyed the sex tape so much, he’s visibly upset. This is understandable.

However, Mr. Wendell’s taking this R. Kelly blacklash hard as hell… Like he was the nigga filming and applying the fake mole. Maybe he’s upset because he knows who the real mole-ester is. The stage is now set for Love to deliver his shocking tell-all memoir fingering Robert Townsend as the Zorro-masked Piss ‘N’ Bootz Bandit.

If so, I want a re-release of the sex tape with a new title. They should call it “Meatier Man.”

Also, R. Kelly’s acquittal isn’t enough! I want a public vindication and retraction of all the apparent slander the King of R&B’s been lambasted behind. They planted the tape in Kelly’s house! They told him it was a collection of his music videos. He couldn’t read that it said “R. Kelly Sex Tape.”

That shit’s not fucking fair.

Seriously, Mr. Love. If you want to take R. Kelly’s cause to heart, I hope he pees on something or someone you love very soon.

And, umm… Negro, please! The only one sucking dick in this scenario is Faizon Love. Nigga defending R. Kelly like he one of them “securities” that never gets spoken to or allowed inside the house. Old Uncle Ruckus-ass nigga got some Pied Piper playing in the background and wanna talk about suckin some dick.


I bet Worm is driving that ice cream truck around the Bronx right now. That nigga money finna take a major hit when it get cold out. Lemme get my $0.50 bag of chili Fritos today.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Dont have my money or my bud?

SDN Tournament Round 1 Div. A polling begins Monday… Still shaking the bugs out of our new home.

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  • Pierzy

    To me, the most interesting (read: Negro Please) part of it is that Mr. Love (pause) thinks anyone would actaully give one mini shit about what he thinks or feels about ANY subject, let alone this one. Take a walk, Perm…


    “…yeen’t gotta be a bitch nigga to find fault with R. Kelly being free as a bird. You could be an outraged parent. You could just have a marginal respect for women. You could be concerned about celebrities being held to a separate standard from the common man.”

    Hell yeah. You could just be a person that wants people that did shitty (pause again) things to other people – let alone minors – punished.

    “Meatier Man” – HAHAHAHAHA

    • Ron Mexico

      whattup, p!

      you know… i can’t get anything by you. hahahaah.

      isn’t that a good name for a robert townsend sex tape?

      • Pierzy

        My man…

        I think it’s a great name. The only problem is that the sex tape would probably outsell the ‘original’ film. Not that it would take much to do that, but still.

        • Ron Mexico

          i don’t think people are aware the original features don cheadle sporting a blonde caesar.

          all-time sales should take a spike.

        • LEO


        • Pierzy

          Exactly. I guess Hotel Rwanda wouldn’t have been as powerful if he was still rockin’ that…

    • Ron Mexico

      …and to answer your question, nann notta nigga cares about big perm making an ass of himself yet again.

  • Worley

    Let’s not forget a simple truth in all this: chicks like older dudes for “security.” When I was in junior high chicks wanted dudes in high school. When I was in high school chicks wanted dudes in college or with a car. When I was in college chicks wanted some lame 30+ n*gga to marry.

    Don’t get it twisted. I ain’t defending R. Kelly. What he did was nasty. But if you 18+ you can get it.

  • TheCo!!inB

    this nigga is trapped in Kels bosack cotdayumn!

  • zino

    y he goin at flex alone?…if he feels dat bad for kells n is in need of dat much publicity, dude shd jus address all da “haters” while cryin n yellin “LEAVE DA PIED PIPER ALOOONE!!” a la dat homo who was defendin britney spears honor sum time bk…dat’ll definitely get him sum more hits on youtube

    • squadwildin

      Notice that Faizon never argued the fact that maybe it wasn’t R kelly in the video. He overlooked that fact cuz he knows the truth, like the rest of us. He’s arguin bout the morality of pissin on underage youth. Its wrong big perm, give it up. He’s probly as sick as R kelly by the way.

  • Ruste_Juxx

    i can’t breathe!. LMFBAO @ “meatier-man”. im fuckin done. this whole post has me crying. ether at its fucking finest.


    I know why mr. worm felt the need to speak up. either he likes to piss on 15 year olds as much as kelly does, or he’s gay and wants R to piss on him!

    just some food for thought!

  • “The Party Killa”

    I cant believe any black man or woman, would defend this nigga R. Kelly! This nigga is utterly riDICKulious….SMH @ Faizon “PISS ON ME” Love

  • amar

    man forget the sdn bracket, u need to have an entire sdn 2008 award show…this needs to be nominated for sdn moment of the year…no match for money-eating or g-unit’s terminate on site paper ripping…then again, those are more ddn moments than sdn moments

  • jojo

    The best read on the new XXL site, nicely done Ron!!!

    After the SDN tourney, put up a DDN tourney(the thought of voting for who is the ultimate hip-hop retard is giving me goosebumps)…I got 10 bucks riding on this fucker to make it outta round 1

  • El Tico Loco

    Maybe DDn and Sdn should be divisions kinda like nl an al or afc and nfc 2 separate brackets and final 2 is the dummy bowl. have them battle it out for the dumbardi trophy.

    • Ron Mexico

      Wowsers. I think that’s a great idea. DN Superbowl at the end!

  • 239allday

    Damn Mex! you really shitted on Big Perm, eh…I mean Big worm. I don’t want to sound like a pervert but when I heard about that tape in 02′, nigga I didn’t give a muthafuck!!! I was just thinkin to myself, Wow, What’s New? Some old ass nigga(Kells) freakin some lil highschool hoodrat. That shit is commonplace in the hood. The shit that did offend me though is that he pissed on the bitch. That nigga nasty!!!

  • Kane Corleone

    But didnt the homie say he doesnt know kellz?he was just speaking on the fact that funkflex shouldnt have expressed his opinion on that mans situation via the internet,it would’ve been different if a non celeb had said the shit

  • Medina

    All gold.
    Fuck’s up with the caps on this bitch???

  • Shawty J

    I love this blog. I’m glad it’s a permanent part of the site now. I always find myself cracking up through this blog right here.


    From what I saw of the interview he admitted to being a Russ Simmons negro.You know,40 to 50 years old and liking 18 & 19 year old chick’s.

    The only thing I know Kells did for sure was that Aaliyah situation so Faizon has a point.Flex is a pussy and brotha’s in the know wouldn’t question that!!

    I’m not the prez of the R.Kelly fan club or nothing but that man was found guilty by the public and not the court,
    just like poor O.J. Simpson.

    Kelly just need to be like Russell or Woody Allen and marry your young thing cuz they don’t mess with them cats.

    Flex wouldn’t be saying a peep if there weren’t alot of people and comedian’s already doing so.

  • Smel

    “defending R. Kelly like he one of them “securities” that never gets spoken to or allowed inside the house”

  • Detroit P

    lol..Ron Mex can I “NEGRO PLEASE” YOU for you’re feigned outrage about the R.kelly acquittal…You aint bout leadin a mob with flamin torches to the nigga house…Like damn can a Black Man breathe..he was found not guilty…I dont kno if he did it or not…But he was found not guilty…Flex don’t have no place talkin shit over the internet to the nigga..Faizon just spoke up(although he went overboard with it)..but if thats dickridin…Dont that make you a Dickrider for defending Funk Flex…

    • Detroit P

      Now if you Knew 100 percent that R.Kelly actually did it then that would be different..but you dont kno for why are yall so quick to condemn another man to jail and shit..especially a black man..we get condemned enough….all that aside…This shit was Funny….Lol@ Bologna Breath

      • DETROIT

        i feel you dawg, BUT what you probably don’t know is that r kelly has a long history of this shit, startin with alyah (however you spell it, RIP). even if you don’t believe that, you have to be leary of a nigga who has settled numerous baby rape cases out of court prior to this one….he said it himself, he’s been like a cash machine. what nigga settles that kinda shit outta court if he’s innocent. Hell, he ran for 6 years from this trial! and finally, look at that tape and tell me it ain’t him! I GOT A DAUGHTER DOG! FUCK THAT CONDEMN A BLACK MAN SHIT, DAT NIGGA IS FOUL!

  • chad bro chill

    i do not get this format

  • John Brown


    That was one of the best shit you ever wrote. But damn homie, why you had to go in on FLORIDA EVANS like that. Its all good though cuase you wasnt playing with his emotions. Remember “PLAYING WITH MY MONEY, ITS LIKE PLAYING WITH MY EMOTIONS.”

    ***Makes you wonder what type of shit might had happened on the set of “PARENT HOOD”..hmmm***


  • geico lizard

    i would have respected faizon more if he had said that flex cant talk because flex caught a charge for beating on a woman so he has no room to talk but he didnt bring that up so it just sounded like an r kelly fan taking up for him.

  • Pana

    Faizon Love got something to say ? seems kinda weird…

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