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Big Worm Steps [to Funkmaster Flex] in the Name of Love

“The family [of the girl R. Kelly was accused of having urinal relations with] ain’t sayin’ nothin. So why is your bitch motherfuckin’ ass opening your faggot dick suckin-ass rappin whatever fuckin mouth? Cuz you kow why? You’s a bitch motherfucker. You’s a dick ridin nigga and you love the attention. That’s your line. You scratch that, nigga… You feel it’s in your duty to open your bitch ass mouth about some shit you don’t even know. It’s bitch, dick-suckin’ scratchin’ motherfuckers like you that need your ass whipped on them motherfuckin turntables. And, yep. I’m the one that can do it!” -Faizon Love, Robert Townsend’s bathroom? via WSHH HoodTube

Blah. Blah. I’m in the hood all day err day. Blah Blah. Ax about me. Blah. Yeearreddy know. Blah Blah. I’ll cut your balls off and hand ‘em to ya, potna!

Blah… With your bologna breath, nigga.

I see Wendell Wilcox is still in the [parent] ‘hood. Ain’t too much changed since 1997, I guess. A nigga still breaking into Rob and Jerri’s brownstone and eating their leftover mac & cheese. I’ll put a dollar to a dime sack that Faizon listens to Funk Flex every night in someone else’s living room.

What the fuck is you puttin your address out there for anyway? Big Perm trynna get himself some fan mail? Old spiced ham and block cheese sandwich-eatin’ ass nigga. Fuck outta here!

One would think that a hood nigga would understand that an alleged victim’s failure to testify doesn’t absolve a defendant of guilt. In fact, more often than not it’s an indication of the very opposite. Of course the family ain’t sayin shit. Little duffel bag girl has that all taken care of. She won the million-dollar golden shower jackpot, remember?

While on the subject of shit hood niggas should understand, Love is also remiss to make Funk Flex’s detractory statements about one “R.O.B.” a matter of the s-word. Didn’t you get the memo, Worm? Snitching only applies to the game–not child-fucking. If Smokey had gone to the police instead of running from you, that would have been snitching.

I guess he’s not too far from Harlem. That Cam’ron school of thought must have blown his way.

I am fully aware of all principalities involved, but Funk Flex is entitled to his belief that R. Kelly is a nasty-ass nigga. While Flex may be both annoying and bitchmade, yeen’t gotta be a bitch nigga to find fault with R. Kelly being free as a bird. You could be an outraged parent. You could just have a marginal respect for women. You could be concerned about celebrities being held to a separate standard from the common man.

But, of course, since Faizon Love’s lonely, no pussy-gettin, spiced ham-smellin’ ass enjoyed the sex tape so much, he’s visibly upset. This is understandable.

However, Mr. Wendell’s taking this R. Kelly blacklash hard as hell… Like he was the nigga filming and applying the fake mole. Maybe he’s upset because he knows who the real mole-ester is. The stage is now set for Love to deliver his shocking tell-all memoir fingering Robert Townsend as the Zorro-masked Piss ‘N’ Bootz Bandit.

If so, I want a re-release of the sex tape with a new title. They should call it “Meatier Man.”

Also, R. Kelly’s acquittal isn’t enough! I want a public vindication and retraction of all the apparent slander the King of R&B’s been lambasted behind. They planted the tape in Kelly’s house! They told him it was a collection of his music videos. He couldn’t read that it said “R. Kelly Sex Tape.”

That shit’s not fucking fair.

Seriously, Mr. Love. If you want to take R. Kelly’s cause to heart, I hope he pees on something or someone you love very soon.

And, umm… Negro, please! The only one sucking dick in this scenario is Faizon Love. Nigga defending R. Kelly like he one of them “securities” that never gets spoken to or allowed inside the house. Old Uncle Ruckus-ass nigga got some Pied Piper playing in the background and wanna talk about suckin some dick.


I bet Worm is driving that ice cream truck around the Bronx right now. That nigga money finna take a major hit when it get cold out. Lemme get my $0.50 bag of chili Fritos today.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Dont have my money or my bud?

SDN Tournament Round 1 Div. A polling begins Monday… Still shaking the bugs out of our new home.

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