Posse on Trendwatch: Trannies
As a guy, it’s probably the worst thing that can possibly happen to you, short of something bad happening to your junk: You meet an attractive young lady, you tell her whatever you need to tell her to convince her to follow you back to your place, so you can… you know, shove your cock in her, only to find out that she’s got a cock of her own.
*shudders at the thought*
Fortunately, I’ve often wondered what’s the likelihood of this really happening. I’m usually pretty good at detecting a tranny just at a glance, let alone the time it would take to take a tranny somewhere to have sex with it.
I know when Fatlip from the Pharcyde was dating that tranny, as depicted in the film What’s Up, Fatlip? (perhaps the best film ever made about hip-hop), he claimed she was just so attractive there was no way you could tell. But I’m pretty sure that was just his way of justifying to himself, on a subconscious level, that he enjoyed making out with a guy.
Or maybe he was on PCP at the time. Who knows?
As far as the Pastor Ma$e incident is concerned, I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean, I could see if we actually had any evidence of him having sex with a tranny (however one would go about doing that). But as far as I know, all he did was ride around with a tranny in his car. Which could happen. Nullus.
A while back, I know there was this video on YouTube of this guy harrassing these tranny hookers who’d been stalking his neighboorhood, down in Atlanta, and the guy was saying that it’s basically impossible to find a hooker down there that isn’t tranny. Er, at least as far as the ones that actually walk the street. If you wanted to get a whore with a pussy, you’d probably have to call a service or something.
Maybe Pastor Ma$e just wasn’t aware of this. You know he’s not from down there.
Anyhoo, whatever the likelihood of accidentally trying to have sex with a tranny is, I’m sure it only increases along with the number of trannies in your midst. (Call this the tranny theory of relativity.) Which is why I find the increasing prevalence of trannies in pop culture in general, and hip-hop in particular especially bothersome.
The big news this week, which isn’t necessarily hip-hop-related, though I’ve seen it mentioned on a number of hip-hop sites, is that one of the contestants on the upcoming season of America’s Next Top Model is a tranny. Perfect. And the messed up thing about it is that a lot of these sites are running the picture of this… um, guy. As if I needed to see that 10 times yesterday. Nullus!
There’s a story on it over at SOHH today, probably written by the DL brother who does a lot of the blogs there (needless to say, they ran the picture), and it was saying that Tyra Banks might have gotten the idea from Diddy, who has both a tranny and a teh ghey on that show where people competet to be his assistant.
I haven’t seen the series myself, but I’m wondering how this could have happened. I mean, it’d be one thing if the fruits that run VH1 did this, similar to how there’s always at least one teh ghey kid on the Real World. But if the selection process on this show is similar to how it was on Making the Band 2, it means Diddy purposely selected a tranny and a teh ghey guy to potentially be his assistant. (Though in the case of the tranny, I suppose he could have been fooled.)
The only thing I can think is maybe the TIs put him up to it, as part of their continuing plan to increase the teh gheyness of hip-hop. Which, they figure, will have the effect of increasing sales of Sean John. Hence shit like the cover of the new Nelly album, which is so gay, I’m not even sure if they could run it in some teh ghey magazines. And wouldn’t you know, it was just announced recently that Nelly is gonna be modeling underwear for, you guessed it, Sean John.
Tell me I didn’t just crack the conspiracy.
Finally, as we’ve seen over and over again this week, if there’s some conspiracy being perpetrated by the TIs, you know these magazines can’t be far behind. In this case, I’m sad to say, it’s the one that actually owns this site.
Supposedly, and I don’t have any way of proving this, since I don’t actually read XXL (my bad, whoever owns this crap), but supposedly, there was a feature on a tranny MC in a recent issue. I only heard about it because I read about it on the blog of this closeted fruit who was trying to bait me a few weeks ago, but I’m wondering: Did management feel like this was something XXL’s readership would be interested in reading about, or was there some sort of ulterior motive involved?