Posse on Trendwatch: Trannies

As a guy, it’s probably the worst thing that can possibly happen to you, short of something bad happening to your junk: You meet an attractive young lady, you tell her whatever you need to tell her to convince her to follow you back to your place, so you can… you know, shove your cock in her, only to find out that she’s got a cock of her own.

No!

*shudders at the thought*

Fortunately, I’ve often wondered what’s the likelihood of this really happening. I’m usually pretty good at detecting a tranny just at a glance, let alone the time it would take to take a tranny somewhere to have sex with it.

Um, nullus.

I know when Fatlip from the Pharcyde was dating that tranny, as depicted in the film What’s Up, Fatlip? (perhaps the best film ever made about hip-hop), he claimed she was just so attractive there was no way you could tell. But I’m pretty sure that was just his way of justifying to himself, on a subconscious level, that he enjoyed making out with a guy.

Or maybe he was on PCP at the time. Who knows?

As far as the Pastor Ma$e incident is concerned, I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean, I could see if we actually had any evidence of him having sex with a tranny (however one would go about doing that). But as far as I know, all he did was ride around with a tranny in his car. Which could happen. Nullus.

A while back, I know there was this video on YouTube of this guy harrassing these tranny hookers who’d been stalking his neighboorhood, down in Atlanta, and the guy was saying that it’s basically impossible to find a hooker down there that isn’t tranny. Er, at least as far as the ones that actually walk the street. If you wanted to get a whore with a pussy, you’d probably have to call a service or something.

Maybe Pastor Ma$e just wasn’t aware of this. You know he’s not from down there.

Anyhoo, whatever the likelihood of accidentally trying to have sex with a tranny is, I’m sure it only increases along with the number of trannies in your midst. (Call this the tranny theory of relativity.) Which is why I find the increasing prevalence of trannies in pop culture in general, and hip-hop in particular especially bothersome.

The big news this week, which isn’t necessarily hip-hop-related, though I’ve seen it mentioned on a number of hip-hop sites, is that one of the contestants on the upcoming season of America’s Next Top Model is a tranny. Perfect. And the messed up thing about it is that a lot of these sites are running the picture of this… um, guy. As if I needed to see that 10 times yesterday. Nullus!

There’s a story on it over at SOHH today, probably written by the DL brother who does a lot of the blogs there (needless to say, they ran the picture), and it was saying that Tyra Banks might have gotten the idea from Diddy, who has both a tranny and a teh ghey on that show where people competet to be his assistant.

Word?

I haven’t seen the series myself, but I’m wondering how this could have happened. I mean, it’d be one thing if the fruits that run VH1 did this, similar to how there’s always at least one teh ghey kid on the Real World. But if the selection process on this show is similar to how it was on Making the Band 2, it means Diddy purposely selected a tranny and a teh ghey guy to potentially be his assistant. (Though in the case of the tranny, I suppose he could have been fooled.)

The only thing I can think is maybe the TIs put him up to it, as part of their continuing plan to increase the teh gheyness of hip-hop. Which, they figure, will have the effect of increasing sales of Sean John. Hence shit like the cover of the new Nelly album, which is so gay, I’m not even sure if they could run it in some teh ghey magazines. And wouldn’t you know, it was just announced recently that Nelly is gonna be modeling underwear for, you guessed it, Sean John.

Tell me I didn’t just crack the conspiracy.

Finally, as we’ve seen over and over again this week, if there’s some conspiracy being perpetrated by the TIs, you know these magazines can’t be far behind. In this case, I’m sad to say, it’s the one that actually owns this site.

Supposedly, and I don’t have any way of proving this, since I don’t actually read XXL (my bad, whoever owns this crap), but supposedly, there was a feature on a tranny MC in a recent issue. I only heard about it because I read about it on the blog of this closeted fruit who was trying to bait me a few weeks ago, but I’m wondering: Did management feel like this was something XXL’s readership would be interested in reading about, or was there some sort of ulterior motive involved?

Hmm…

  • Worley

    “Licked her down her belly
    And kissed her down the back
    Stuck my hands between her legs
    And I felt a bozack.”

    Redman tried to warn us.

    • og bobby j

      hysterical….

      • http://www.asdf.com Hey

        Really?

  • khalilamani

    Khalil Amani is “Ya gay friend’s favorite straight friend!” (hoodgrownonline.com)

    Eat a dick Byron!

    The other night I was watching Diddy’s new VH1 reality show “I Want To Work For Diddy,” where 13 hungry hopefuls vie for a position as his personal assistant. I thought, “Another bullshit reality show based on P Diddy’s ego!”
    Does Diddy know that “she” was/is really a “he?”

    If Diddy doesn’t know, then this is going to be interesting as fuck, because you already know somewhere down the road it’s gonna come out. If he does know that she is transgendered, then kudos to Diddy for being super-progressive in the business of hip-hop, where one’s manhood/sexuality can be called into question for the silliest of reasons!

  • khalilamani

    Khalil Amani is still “Ya mothafuckin’ gay friend’s straight friend!’ (hoodgrownonline.com)

    Foxxjazell: Hip-Hop’s First Transgendered Queen. Now Appearing in XXL Magazine!

    Foxxjazell appeared in XXL Magazine (T.I. edition August 2008, pg. 32 “This Me. It’s Hard Out There For A Transgender MC.”) They did the first exclusive interview with an “out” or “homo” or “gay” hip-hop artist—transgender rapper Foxxjazell. How innovative and freethinking is XXL? I guess now they will say that those in charge of the magazine are gay and lesbian folks, because they acknowledge the fact that there are gay and lesbian and TRANSGENDER rappers! As I’ve been shouting for the last year, this is what hip-hop is about—Giving a voice to the voiceless…

  • khalilamani

    Khalil Amani vs. Byron Crawford (Bol): Will The Real “Teh Ghey” Please Come Out The Closet? (hoodgrownonline.com)

    How do you have the nerve to check Kanye West’s sexuality (a man who dates and dumps models!), but your readers can’t link you to one piece of known pussy? But I’m the Teh Ghey dude?

    …that brings us to his strong and manly picture that we’ve become familiar with—a picture taken some 17 years ago when he was very strong and cock-diesel…You’re fucked when you get my age if you don’t get your shyt together big pimpin’! You’d better really get the “Mindset of a Champion” and start eating “The Breakfast of Champions” (Wheaties nigga!) and hit the effin’ gym before that high blood-pressure, diabetes and heart disease comes-a knockin’! (Real talk!)

    Don’t phuck with Bol ‘cause he’ll ether you! The only thing that you’re truly good at “ethering” is a dozen jelly donuts and a half gallon of milk!

    I can tell you’re one introverted son-of-a-bitch. You’ve got self-esteem issues too, don’t cha? Projection issues too, don’t cha? Hygienic issues too, don’t cha? Socialization skill issues too, don’t cha? A nothin’-ass, gettin’-no-pussy-ass, fat-colored-boy who loves to shit on people to make himself feel good about his own shortcomings—a fat cat who found a way to make a few people like him. But HIP-HOP doesn’t like you! And I don’t think YOU like YOU!

  • khalil amani

    Khalil Amani vs. Byron Crawford (Bol): Will The Real “Teh Ghey” Please Come Out The Closet? (hoodgrownonline.com)

    You call me gay, but live in yo’ mama’s basement? How gay is that?! You can’t be fuckin’ ‘cause moms don’t play dat! And no real woman gonna pay a grown-ass man much attention when she finds out that his claim to fame is writing nasty blogs from his mama’s basement! Damn Byron! Before you come out the closet, come out your mother’s basement! Get off the Pr0n and leave Mary Palm and her five sisters alone (stop masturbating)—give the lotion a break and get your rusty ass off yo’ mama’s good sheets…

    You’re fucked when you get my age if you don’t get your shyt together big pimpin’! You’d better really get the “Mindset of a Champion” and start eating “The Breakfast of Champions” (Wheaties nigga!) and hit the effin’ gym before that high blood-pressure, diabetes and heart disease comes-a knockin’! (Real talk!)

  • http://www.myspace.com/friscorepresenter ant

    I always thought p.diddy was teh ghey

  • pistons24

    always check for an adams apple!

  • dronkmunk

    What is it with these hoodgrown people constantly repeating themselves?

  • http://www.ohword.com Sach

    “As a guy, it’s probably the worst thing that can possibly happen to you, short of something bad happening to your junk: You meet an attractive young lady, you tell her whatever you need to tell her to convince her to follow you back to your place, so you can… you know, shove your cock in her, only to find out that she’s got a cock of her own.”

    I was actually a witness to just such an incident during my extended stay in Bangkok. My drunk ass was comfortably asleep when I heard a loud “WHAT THE FUCK!!?!?” from the room down the hall. Turns out some guy’s hooker was a tranny. There’s tons of em out there although frankly you’d need some serious beer-goggles to fail to tell the difference.

    A lot of em are bartenders which makes some awkward drinking, particularly the one place which employed both a tranny AND a midget. Shit was like a Tom Waits video.

  • 619

    Damn, the gay activist got he panties all in a bunch. Had like four comments in a row going at Bol, wwwooooooooowwwww. What happened Bol, you turn down his advances? HAHA!

  • Yayza

    As far as the tranny MC in XXL goes, I saw that article flipping through pages, and the picture they have of him (yes, if you are born a male you are always a male, I don’t care how much surgery you can afford) is rather small, so at first glance I’m like “Damn, who is that fine…” and I start reading the article in mid-sentence only to come to the realization that this is a dude. I was not impressed. I really couldn’t give two shits about a tranny MC. Hell, even a gay MC is too much as far as I’m concerned. And no, that doesn’t make me homophobic, or a bigot. Sorry, but your lifestyle affects what you rap about, and just like I probably wouldn’t want to listen to some rich white kid from the suburbs because he wouldn’t have any shit to spit about, I also doubt a gay or tranny MC would have anything to say that I would care about either.

  • Rizob

    Damn, i thought Noz was back……oh well….

  • master cheef

    diddy is gay.
    mase is gay.
    biggie was gay.
    that fruitcake above kalil amani is extremely gay.
    that was one of the gayest rants ever.

    NO HOMO

    bol, you’re really crackin into the system and exposing these TIs. you’re a warrior.

  • http://www.myspace.com/friscorepresenter ant

    I remember on pop quiz pt 2 saigon said some gay ass lines biggie said in songs…..and….they were suspect as hell

    lol @ niggas getten caught wit trannies

    *prays to god i never get played by a nigga-women*

  • http://www.yahoo.com Dra$t-iQ Alkoholik

    we all knmow Diddy used to suck Biggy’s dick that’s why he did that gay-ass “i’ll be missing you” shit and and then he fucked Mase too but mase prefered 50′s dick and they had that gay -ass lover’s tiff,but Killidicklickin fool wat ever your name is you need to chill on that shit who the fuck said being a fag is being progressive I think its just degenerative shit,fuck y’all

  • Ryan

    I don’t think I’d listen to a dick toucher or she male rapping. I’m assuming they’d be rapping about wanting to get in there with other dudes. I don’t care what peoples preference is, but men don’t do it for me (which is why I don’t really care for female rappers that are “sexually explicit”. I can’t related to wanting my pussy pounded cause, well, I don’t have one).

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Thank u EPMD. Jane, Jane II, Jane 3, Jane 4, & Who killed Jane? Where in the fuck have you bastards been. And I’m out this motherfucker!!!!!!!! RIP Bernie Mac

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Thank you EMPD. Jane, Jane II, Jane 3, Jane 4, Jane 5, & Who Killed Jane?? Where in the fuck have you bastards been? Oh yeah, Erick Sermon might be the gay rapper……And I’m out this motherfucker!!!!!!!!!!! RIP Bernie Mac

  • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

    1. why should diddy have a tranny alert? homegirl’s tranny status has zero bearing on how well she could handle diddy’s bullshit.

    2. i wonder what all the people saying they couldn’t deal with a gay rapper are think when one of their all-time favorites finally has the heart to come out of the closet.

  • avenger XL

    Who gives a fork about any of this. Some of the models(see deathly ill looking skinny women used as clothes racks by homo’s)are Trannies most of them are fake as fuck any way they are not real women getting excited about a model is like wacking off to a picture of a manican from a department store. The fashion world is about as gay as you can get it is one of the most open industries out there. Most men wanna pork models to say that is what they hit but you will find many cats who are deep in this world are Bi or closet cases even if they are dating a model.

    Hiphop needs to get over itself if there are gay people in the church which shuns them and damns them to hell unless they change who they are which is stupid by the way, because you are what you are and if you are gay that does not effect me in the slightest you ain’t taking my pussy,food or money so what the problem does gay people create for me(none). They just increase my chances of getting a hot girl because there are fewer competitors going for her. Anyway like I said Hip-Hop is a movement created by Jueviniles for Juevineiles and it still has a lot of growing to do. Hip-hop should realize that there are gay people in every industry imaginable with all kinds of philosophies there are gay racist. So how does hip-hop expect not to have a few fruits in the closet I mean this is a fashion crazed genre were men rock matching everything and earings more jewlrey than broads. The dudes treat women like shit(homies over Hoes) and they act like bitches over the slightest things. Your rap stars straight or not act gay 90% of the time but of course they have to portray a role for TV.

  • avenger xl

    Oh yeah khalil amani you may not be a homo but you are acting like a little bitch right now. You are a grown man going at a zero of a human being like Bol who only exist for our entertainment here on a fake hiphop culture site like XXL. You going in hard on him like it matters you have your platform speak clearly an concise and make valid points and leave the rest to the reader. All these posts you made here are blatant attempts at self advertisement gone array.

  • khalilamani

    to avenger XL…You’re right rocket scientist! lol!

  • BIGNAT

    one of my friends has been to brazil he said down there it is very hard to tell. thats why a couple months ago they were trying to get a law passed down there to have three bathrooms in clubs. which is a good idea one for guys one for girls and one for trannies. so all you gotta do is give your “chick” a bunch of fucking water at the spot and see which one she bounces into. now if “she” still tries to trick you by going into the girls bathroom anyway. when you take “her” back to the telly where you will find out. you should be able to kill “her” without any charges being brought to you hahahahha

  • http://www.bghghfdtzgdtzdsgceg.org Thanh Redmann

    Great article and right to the point. I don’t know if this is really the best place to ask but do you people have any ideea where to hire some professional writers? Thanks :)