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NEGRO PLEASE: Young Jeezy is Barack Obama’s New Apprentice?

[Editor’s Note: “Blogger’s Note” has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]

We interrupt your regularly scheduled coke rap for this special bulletin.

“I got a new mentor. Barack Obama’s my mentor. Y’all believe that, man. For the first time we ready for change, homie. We gon’ back it. Any you people out there listening, it’s a hands-off policy on Barack Obama, man. Y’all touch him, we touchin’ everything. That’s my word to God. That’s on the hood. Every hood. I’m telling you right now. Y’all touch him, you know what it is… And for the first time in life period–I don’t know if you know about black men, but black men are sincere. They mean what they say. Especially when they have power. And he has power, man. He means what he—I think this the change. This the change we need. Everybody. The whole world. We need somebody that’s just for us. And that’s our country, man. Barack Obama, hats off to you, homie. I’m not on no nothing else. Congratulations. Win, lose or draw, we with you, boy.”Young Jeezy, Trill TV interview

Completely sandwiched by the usual cocaine propaganda, Young Jeezy gives us a Black History/Vote or Drought moment. Let’s see what Merriam-Webster has to say about such foolhardy Negrospeak.

According to the big book we finally read in prison, a mentor is “a trusted counselor or guide.” There’s no way Faux News and the federales aren’t already just waiting to catch these two partnering up in a game of spades so the onslaught can begin. Barack Obama is not allowed to utter the name “Young Jeezy” in public. I don’t think Barack the Vote is even allowed to use the word “snow” untl after he’s lit the fuck up at his podium sworn in.

Unless Obama’s white half is teaching The Snowman how to read in the barn at night by candlelight, there’s no way this arrangement can be.

It’d have to be Obama’s white half doing the mentoring too. We all know Jeezy’s prejudice. He’ll never touch the black one.

With that said, I do wonder if John McCain will face the same scrutiny Obama has for bringing Daddy Yankee and his “vile,” misogynistic, highly-inappropriate-for-a-presidential-candidate baggage to the big show. Rappers mention Barack and we have a horror show on our hands. Jawn McCain does “Gasolina” adlibs for The Big Boss of the Booty Cartel and I still hear crickets.

Put a pin in that one. We’ll come back to it.

Young Jeezy is not the emperor of black people. Nigga isn’t even the emperor of crack people. I do appreciate dude’s sentiment and defense of our best chance to balance out some of the damage Flavor of Stooch and Crap City have done. I do not know, of course, which of Jeezy’s weed carriers got it into his mind that he was Ari Fleischer of Revolutionary Negro Politics.

I blame Blood Raw.

“Y’all touch him, you know what it is. We gon’ adlib extra hard! Ribs, coleslaw and grandama’nana baked beans with the po’k in it. I might throw some po’k-flavored broccoli in that bitch for extra ‘DEEEEEAAAAAMMMN!’

Contrary to SDN popular opinion, if Obama were to win this election he would not be the first black magistrate ever to happen to ever. There was this dude named Mandela in South Africa. He did the presidential thing for a minute, if I recall. I also remember seeing some movie on Channel 5 called Chaka Zulu. I know prime-time television is the white man’s poison, but I’m pretty sure there have been black kings long before Jeezy’s syrupy-slow Southern ass was a damn slave.

As far as sincerity goes, I don’t know what “sincere black men with power” Jeezy’s been paying close attention to. Is he trying to work for Diddy? The few relative American examples I can come up with (i.e.: Marion Barry, Kwame Kilpatrick, Jesse Jackson) are every bit as insincere as the white politicians we tend to gnash our teeth at whenever we accidentally watch the news.

He must mean niggas at the Chinese restaurant on the other side of that bulletproof glass. That be the only time I see black men speaking sincerely from a position of power. They stay screamin at Chang Wang for that extra duck sauce.

That’s sincere. That’s some sincere shit right here.

He can’t be talking about all the Maury Povich fodder that preemptively declare, “I’mma take care of my kids, nigga.”

Furthermore, Barack Obama is not the second coming of the Underground Railroad. He is clearly an inspiration for black, halfzie, yellow, miscellaneous colored and non-McCain-supporting Latinos nationwide, but he is a politician. Black or white, politicians disappoint their constituency.

Have we learned nothing from Tommy Carcetti? How could Jeezy be so naïve as to believe that if elected, Obama would be “just for us?” Unless he told Snowman he’s going to be selling perm kits in one of their tutoring sessions, I’m inclinded to think Jeezy’s brain ain’t right from inhaling the work all his life.

Fuck it.

Behold a light-skinted horse! We ain’t gonna ride this zebra to the promised land, but hopefully we can draw some inspiration and carve our own paths to greatness. At best, seeing a somewhat black face in the big chair can give our people the hope we’ve clearly let dwindle since Martin and Malcolm and Medgar and them got hit.

Negroes, please… Let’s get it. Stop treating Obama like “Not Sure” in Idiocracy.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Ready for a change?

P.S.: I’m soooooo not done with John McCain’s ass. No nullus.

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