NEGRO PLEASE: Memphis Bleek Keeps His Game Silky Smooth

[Editor's Note: "Blogger's Note" has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]

Arrrrgh! Can’t… stop… laughing….

While weighing in on Jimmy [Jones] Being Jimmy, we touched on the hand grenade that is Memphis Bleek’s Garnier Fructis commercial. I believe we “put a pin in it” as Jeremy Piven would say.

*removes pin* *drops grenade to ground* *kicks grenade under Bleek’s Outback Steakhouse delivery bike*

Damn, Bleek. Child support must have been tossing bricks through your window with nasty notes attached. That’s what I do with all my old issues of The Source, anyway. Latex gloves, scissors and Elmer’s glue get the point across like a hmmmmotherfucker.

As per my homegirl Nessia:

“Everybody know Bleek don’t really have no money. He just holds the weed… and brushes Beyonce’s wigs. Gotta stay in Jay’s good graces somehow.”

See the kind of niggroes I hang out with? Good-for-nothing haters, I tell you.

You gotta have a face like a “‘No, Chris! No, Chris! No!’ Raz B-lookin’ ass nigga” when you’re forced to coon it up to this degree. Did Jay mandate this? If so, he’s a far crueler camel-faced bastard than I thought.

I mean, I would have laughed my ass off shaken my head if I had seen Bleek in an actual Danity Kane video, let alone this shit.

It’s bad enough that viewers have to sit through three-plus minutes of the Stoochie Cat Dolls routine over a terrible Timbaland knock-off. (Lemme fuck around, check the production credits and find out the beat was made by a nigga named “Lugz” or some shit.) Bleek looks like somebody just woke him up a few minutes before.

Actually, he looks like he’s been participating in Golden Gloves between albums.

Negro, please.

Isn’t this the same nigga who after “one week of this hustlin’ bought a living room set?” Maybe Bleek might wanna check on that old “Coming of Age” corner and see if the iguanas is still bitin. The fiend pool ain’t as dry as people think. They got hipsters out there by Marcy goin crazy right about now.

Man they ain’t come back for the cocaine… they came back for the BASE! *Allen Payne fist pump*

[Blogger's Note: The Bleek-er Street Crew does a great job of making it clear that this product only gives you that silky smooth if you're light-tino or whiter. Dark Butts: please continue to perm/hot comb it out.]

The funny shit is I don’t think there’s any documented evidence of Memphis Bleek having hair to wash and condition. He’s always got on that fitted and do-rag[doo-rag/durag] combination securely at the top of his bean regardless of situation or dress code.

For any SDNs who may be confused at this time, I’ll be kind enough to issue a warning. Garnier Fructis WILL NOT fix you or your stupid-ass woman’s hurr up if the shit is hurt. You still have to go get your shit done did.

That’s a PSA from Ron Mexico and the good folks at Negro Please. Some niggas still watch commercials and get mad when the Gushers don’t really explode in their mouths. No nullus.

Oh, god. I’m going to hell for laughing at this poor little man and his credit card debt.

No, I’m not. There’s more dignity in selling oranges on the turnpike.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Can’t wait for Jermaine Dupri body spray commercials either? ron@ronmexicocity.com

At least they let him sneak a “Get Low” in there.

  • Worley

    Was that a commercial or a video? Bleek reached the apex of his influence with the fitted hat tilted to the side. Otherwise, Bleek is finished.

    Mexico keep killin’ em. You whipped Billy Sunday back into shape.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      good looks, my dude.

      hey, i wouldn’t say “whipped.” if i could inspire bill the way he inspires me then the premise of teamwork is brought to life.

      • Pierzy

        What’s good, Mr. Mex?!

  • yaboy

    *goes to local hardware store*
    *buys rope, stool*
    *goes home*
    *hangs self*

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      you left out

      *carves ‘bleek was here’ into loft*

    • iLL

      yea more like
      *borrow a homeys gun
      *gun to the mouth
      *pull trigger
      That hurt a little inside watching it, but hell he’s on tv gettin a lil bread and im not? Naaaaaah that shit gotta hurt his ego.

  • http://ItsBx Dnero

    Jay z should have matched the amount that Shampoo people paid for Bleek not to make that commercial .Bleek should have kept the change and stole half the tips Jay left when they were chillin then this wouldn´t have happened

  • Lefty

    fucking roffle…Ronny Mex is the GOAT of this blog shit

    • Pierzy

      Co-Sign. Ronnie Mex is killin’ it. He drops the blog and lets it do its thing…sorta like the shit Bleek’s pushing these days. What’s next, is he going to be selling oils on a train platform in Grand Central?

      • giantstepp

        Yep, its official Ron Mex. You have taken Bols tittle.

        See above comments.

        • iLL G

          here here!! Ron Mex is dat nigga! lol shit had me dying bleek is done.

  • render

    What I wanna kno isnt why Bleek would wanna shill for a shampoo company but why a shampoo company would want bleek to shill for them

    I’m guessing 0% of their target demographic (young white bitches) even knows who he is so it aint as if he’s a ‘celebrity endorsement’…They might as well have grabbed any random, broke-ass, no-career havin myspace nigga and told him to email em some lines about how great fruity shampoo.

    Shit maybe they did, and that random nigga with no career options just turned out to be Memph Bleek

    makes me wonder how much dough Bleek even got for “selling out”…maybe enough for a new sofa in that living room

  • jojo

    I dont care what anyone says, those were the HOTTEST BARS makin’ easy money has spit since the Roc took over Hot 97 a couple years back!!!

    To be honest, that was hard to watch, but I understand why someone in a similar position as Memph would do that…

    If Jay-Z were to do that, that is a RISK on his part because some may question why he would compromise his abilities for a shampoo commercial and the consequences may result in deteriorating soundscan numbers.

    Bleek on the other hand is NOT taking a risk because he is unable to sell records in this hip-hop climate. Bleek knows that his money will be coming from ventures such as Fructis, shows at small venues like clubs, and the Roc-a-wear print ads

  • Jonathan

    you idiots are so dumb! why you think these old dumb idiots were using all woman that I slept with that had children that have the same eyes I have to steal MY money! WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS! YOU THINK IM JUST PULLING ALL THESE NAMES OUT OF A HAT! AUTUMN NIKKI AREEGE KARLA THE BRAZILLIAN CHICK THE RUSSIAN CHICK HOPE DIANNA ALL THESE PEOPLE! WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS! USE YOUR BRAIN! WHY YOU THINK WHEN THEY GOT CAUGHT THEY TRIED TO GIVE ALL THE MONEY BACK! WHY DO YOU THINK THAT! YOU NIGGAS ARE THE GREATEST PORCH MONKEYS EVER IN THE WORLD! INSTEAD OF THE PERSON WHO’S MONEY IT IS ACTUALLY GETTING THE MONEY AND STOPPING ALL THE POVERTY AND NONSENSE, YOU HELP THE SAME MOLESTORS AND MURDERERS AND OPRESSERS AND IDIOTS TORTURE AND DEFAME ME! FOR A FEW COINS MORE! AND YOU THINK IM GONNA HELP YOU! WHY DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE PEOPLE FROM EVERY NEIGHBORHOOD FROM ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TO EVERY NEIGHBORHOOD I HAVE EVER LIVED IN INVOLVED IN THIS! YOU MUST BE DUMB AS A DOOR KNOB! I SWEAR TO GOD! FOR A FEW PENNIES MORE! CAUSE YOU BELIEVE YOUR GETTING SO MUCH! YOUR GETTING PENNIES ON THE DOLLAR! TO DO ALL THE DIRTY WORK! THANX THOUGH! YOU CAN NEVER REPLACE THE CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN MURDERED! YOU CAN NEVER REPLACE THE NONSTOP TORTURE FOR OVER 2 YEARS OF MY LIFE! THE DEFEMATION! ALL I CAN DO IS GRAB A BURGER AND EAT AWAY SOME OF THE PAIN! BECAUSE DEALING WITH YOU IDIOTS! IS BEYOND EXHAUSTING! GETTING TORTURED NONSTOP IS BEYOND EXHAUSTING! AND ITS GONNA HAPPEN! MARK MY WORD! THE CONSPIRACY IS GONNA BE EXPOSED! ITS WHY GOD DID LAY DOWN THE MONEY FOR ME! TO EXPOSE THE NONSENSE! ONLY STUPID PART IS NOW YOU IDIOTS HAVE MADE YOURSELVES PART OF THE GRAND SCHEME, WHO YOU THINK IS GONNA BE ADVERTIZED SO MUCH WHEN IT HAPPENS! NOT THE CANIBALS AND MOLESTORS AND RAPIST AND CLONERS! NO THEY ARE GONNA USE YOU ALL! THE MURDERERS AND KIDNAPPERS AND DRUG DEALERS! YOU NIGGAS IS EXHAUSTING! WAKE THE FUCK UP! THEY GOT PEOPLE FROM MY TAP DANCE CLASS IN THE BRONX TO PEOPLE FROM 5 DIFFERENT HOODS IN MARYLAND TO EVERY WOMAN EVERY WOMAN WITH MY CHILDREN EVERYONE! WAKE THE FUCK UP! NOW! WAKE UP! YOU FUCKING PORCH MONKEYS! ARE BEYOND STUPID! THANX FOR EVERYTHING! GOODLUCK!

    • chad bro chill

      good blog u mexican i think we should give jonathon a spot with you bloggers tho he always has so much to say

    • Optimus Prime

      Nice!! Jonathan finally figured out first grade addition. I guess I never really understood how funny your comments were until they added the math tests and you were gone. Welcome back!

    • iLL G

      yo that nigga jonathan said he takes tap dance classes!!!! hahahahahahhahaa that shit is too funny. yo jonathan smoke a fucking dutch and relax

  • http://www.asdf.com Hey

    ^ Holy shit, Jonathan strapped his helmet on tight before that one (that I didn’t read).

  • C-Money

    they couldn’t get anyone better than memphis bleek to promote their whack ass product….what, was Spliff Star not available?

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      real talk… spliff star’s commercial would have been waaaaaayyy better than this.

      kinda wish he did it.

      • iLL G

        yes!! hahaha co-sign!!! lol it woulda been way better!

  • Penelope Rodriguez

    Hey, Bleek’s gotta eat, right?

    I mean, that commercial was embarassing but he needs to pay his rent and he needs clothing…

    Damn. What niggas do for money…!

    • henry

      u know whats sad? he probably made more in one commercial then most people here do in one year

      • Bang

        And he lost more credibility than most people will in a lifetime.

      • render

        I don’t think bleek got paid shit for this. Maybe a couple thou but probably not enough to buy a new honda.

        Why would any marketing department spend serious cash on a Memphis fuckin’ Bleek appearance? There are plenty of rappers with a more crossmarket appeal out there that would be willing to coon it up for “more than most people make in a year”

        What, was chingy busy?

  • Shawty J

    It’s a shame how low Bleek had to stoop to get some change. He should be focusing on how to get some skill and charisma so he should keep it coming without pushing shampoo.

  • Bang

    Memph Bleek is… over

  • http://www.asdf.com Hey

    This is late as fucc. Wasn’t this video on WSHH a week ago?

  • Tony Grand$

    My nigga had spoke up on that commercial, but that foo was zooted off some purple, so I thought his ass was hallucinating! Awwwmaaaan! Bleek mustve said “fuck, these niggas aint fuckin with me. I gotta an idea! Commercials!” All bullshit aside, this move is either A) a horrible, pathetic career change or B) a desperate attempt to keep the dope man from kidnappin his girl and burnin down his house. I h8 2 laff, but let’s just say I’m rollin on the floor with my ass off. Poor kid. Somebody tell Jigga and Beyonce to stop laffin @ that dude. Next Freeways gonna be sellin Toyo Tires, and Sigel gonna be hawkin Philly Baked Beans. Wow!

  • BIGNAT

    “Everybody know Bleek don’t really have no money. He just holds the weed… and brushes Beyonce’s wigs. Gotta stay in Jay’s good graces somehow.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  • http://www.myspace.com/friscorepresenter ant

    I didnt watch the video (sidekick) but i always thought memph was bald headed lol @ niggas who baldheaded and still wear du rags
    I was jus sayen the lil spam protection shit musta ran Jonathan off

    Keri hilson>beyonce looks and skill wise

    • Dante

      “Keri hilson>beyonce looks and skill wise”

      ^definitely

      • render

        yall niggas is trippin

        Beyonce circa 02 destiny’s child > your favorite bitch on her best day

        keri hilson can get it tho

  • http://www.myspace.com/onemanprod ONEMAN PRODUCTIONS

    bleek didnt even sound like a real MC. word i think Splif star could have done a better job. or even flava flav

  • Weasel F

    Is it just me or is this nigga Ron’s writing all over the place? Can u write actual paragraphs instead of random-ass sentences throughout your blog?
    I think you should learn from Bol & Jackpot. Unlike you, they write coherent posts with Good English, instead of Slang throughout. Your posts are pretty annoying to read, especially for a nigga like me in South Africa.

  • giantstepp

    The funny shit is I don’t think there’s any documented evidence of Memphis Bleek having hair to wash and condition. He’s always got on that fitted and do-rag[doo-rag/durag] combination securely at the top of his bean regardless of situation or dress code.

    LMAO…you a fool for that 1 Mex!

  • John Brown

    And Jim Jones is talking bout that no one other than Kanye, Jay & Diplomats flourished from the ROC. Obviously he hasnt seen the commercial.

    ***I guess BLEEK finally went commercial after all this years.***

  • Justice4all

    This blog was some rambling ummm….drug induced mess. And no, I’ve never been a Bleek fan.

    Sorry…

    Ron Meheco stay losing.

  • Ryan

    “Lemme fuck around, check the production credits and find out the beat was made by a nigga named “Lugz” or some shit”

    Ha. I’m betting it was a dude who still wears Lugz to go with his Pure Playaz jeans and Karl Kani sweater, maybe top it off with a Sir Benni Miles skully. That time period is the last time Bleek every even sniffed “relevance”.