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NEGRO PLEASE: Memphis Bleek Keeps His Game Silky Smooth

[Editor’s Note: “Blogger’s Note” has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]

Arrrrgh! Can’t… stop… laughing….

While weighing in on Jimmy [Jones] Being Jimmy, we touched on the hand grenade that is Memphis Bleek’s Garnier Fructis commercial. I believe we “put a pin in it” as Jeremy Piven would say.

*removes pin* *drops grenade to ground* *kicks grenade under Bleek’s Outback Steakhouse delivery bike*

Damn, Bleek. Child support must have been tossing bricks through your window with nasty notes attached. That’s what I do with all my old issues of The Source, anyway. Latex gloves, scissors and Elmer’s glue get the point across like a hmmmmotherfucker.

As per my homegirl Nessia:

“Everybody know Bleek don’t really have no money. He just holds the weed… and brushes Beyonce’s wigs. Gotta stay in Jay’s good graces somehow.”

See the kind of niggroes I hang out with? Good-for-nothing haters, I tell you.

You gotta have a face like a “‘No, Chris! No, Chris! No!’ Raz B-lookin’ ass nigga” when you’re forced to coon it up to this degree. Did Jay mandate this? If so, he’s a far crueler camel-faced bastard than I thought.

I mean, I would have laughed my ass off shaken my head if I had seen Bleek in an actual Danity Kane video, let alone this shit.

It’s bad enough that viewers have to sit through three-plus minutes of the Stoochie Cat Dolls routine over a terrible Timbaland knock-off. (Lemme fuck around, check the production credits and find out the beat was made by a nigga named “Lugz” or some shit.) Bleek looks like somebody just woke him up a few minutes before.

Actually, he looks like he’s been participating in Golden Gloves between albums.

Negro, please.

Isn’t this the same nigga who after “one week of this hustlin’ bought a living room set?” Maybe Bleek might wanna check on that old “Coming of Age” corner and see if the iguanas is still bitin. The fiend pool ain’t as dry as people think. They got hipsters out there by Marcy goin crazy right about now.

Man they ain’t come back for the cocaine… they came back for the BASE! *Allen Payne fist pump*

[Blogger’s Note: The Bleek-er Street Crew does a great job of making it clear that this product only gives you that silky smooth if you’re light-tino or whiter. Dark Butts: please continue to perm/hot comb it out.]

The funny shit is I don’t think there’s any documented evidence of Memphis Bleek having hair to wash and condition. He’s always got on that fitted and do-rag[doo-rag/durag] combination securely at the top of his bean regardless of situation or dress code.

For any SDNs who may be confused at this time, I’ll be kind enough to issue a warning. Garnier Fructis WILL NOT fix you or your stupid-ass woman’s hurr up if the shit is hurt. You still have to go get your shit done did.

That’s a PSA from Ron Mexico and the good folks at Negro Please. Some niggas still watch commercials and get mad when the Gushers don’t really explode in their mouths. No nullus.

Oh, god. I’m going to hell for laughing at this poor little man and his credit card debt.

No, I’m not. There’s more dignity in selling oranges on the turnpike.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Can’t wait for Jermaine Dupri body spray commercials either?

At least they let him sneak a “Get Low” in there.

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