Earlier this year, there was this site called 90 Day Jane, where this slutty, emo white chick claimed she was gonna kill herself in 90 days, and she was gonna use her blog to document the process.
I guess she was gonna use the blog to solicit tips from readers about how to go through with the process, what she should wear, and what she was gonna spend the last 90 days of her life doing. Like, maybe she’d finally have sex with a black dude, just to see if it’s as awesome as she imagined it would be.
You could see the potential for Internets magic in some shit like this.
Unfortunately, it only lasted for a few days before her identity was revealed and she was forced to admit it was just a bunch of bullshit. She wasn’t really gonna kill herself. She was just looking for some attention.
Her parents didn’t coddle her enough when she was a baby, and now posting pictures of herself in her underwear to the Internets was no longer cutting it as an adult. Most likely, all she needed was a stiff rod up in her. Nhjic.
Of course, I couldn’t help but feel gypped.
I wonder if the Game isn’t trying to pull something similar in order to help promote his upcoming album, LAX. Every time you see the Game these days, he’s crying or he’s got a gun in his mouth, and I’d say it’s high time he either shit or get off the pot.
The Game’s little suicide charade was brought to my attention just now in an email I received from someone working for Lizzie Grubman, the trustfund baby publicist who ran over a bunch of people in an SUV in the Hamptons a few years back. I guess the Game has enlisted her services to help promote this new album, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this was her idea.
In fact, there was another controversy recently involving a former member of G-Unit, Lizzie Grubman, and suicide, and now I’m starting to wonder about that. Supposedly, the other day, Young Buck tried to kill himself by swallowing a bottle of pills, only to be saved by Lizzie Grubman, of all people. I read about it on This Is Fiddy, so I figured it was probably just some bullshit someone made up. But now I’m wondering if she didn’t sell Buck the same feigned suicide PR package she sold the Game, on some Alchemist-type shit. If so, they might both want to see about getting their money back.
In the email I received just now, I was informed that there have now been three magazines in which the Game has been pictured in some sort of suicide pose. You’re probably already familiar with the dramatic cover of the current issue of the Source, where the Game is picutured with a gun pressed under his chin. But it hadn’t occurred to me until just now that he was featured in a similar pose on the cover of a recent issue of XXL, except he had his fingers in the shape of a gun instead of an actual gun. Now that we know that the Game has been pulling this shit all over town, I wonder if he presented XXL with the idea of pointing a gun at his face, but XXL didn’t want to take the risk. Hmm… There’s also a picture of the Game with two guns pressed against either side of his face – like what the XXL cover would have been, if there were actual guns – in a new issue of some shit called YRB (not to be confused with URB?), which I hadn’t heard of until fairly recently.
So obviously this is all part of some grand scheme to make it seem as if the Game might actually be considering taking the easy way out. My bad if I’m way late to the game on this. I can be oblivious about these things. It wasn’t until a while after it hit the Internets that I realized that the sambo figure on the cover of the Roots’ Rising Down was supposed to be Barack Obama.
The email from one of Lizzie Grubman’s minions goes on to ask me if I won’t post the three pictures on my own site (which I think was the real key here), and suggests the following questions I might ask my readers.
-Which of the three pictures is the best?
-Should Game use the chrome-plated .38 or the two glocks?
No, really. That’s what it said. Of course, it struck me as being in bad taste. Not so much to me personally (like I give a shit), but you know it’s just a matter of time before some cracka-ass cracka whose kid got upset and shot himself in the face finds out about this shit and raises a huge stink. Or maybe that was the point?
Either way, I’m gonna have to call shenanigans on this whole endeavor. Suggesting that the Game might kill himself could have been a brilliant PR move, if we thought there was any possibility he might actually go through with it. But I think it’s obvious he’s not, for a few reasons. First of all, despite his weird tattoos and his overall emo nature, the Game is black, and as we know, black people don’t really kill themselves like that. The few who do are probably gay, or have some other problem. Also, the PR aspect of this shit just hasn’t been very well-played. If the Game really wanted people to think he was suicidal, he shouldn’t have hinted at it beforehand by doing all of those magazine covers. He should have played it straight, then done something silly, like slitting his wrists sideways, the way 8th graders do it. Sure, it would have been painful, but I bet way more people would have bought into it. And that’s what this is about, right?