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NEGRO PLEASE: Nas Got This, Jesse!

[Editor’s Note: “Blogger’s Note” has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]

“I think Jesse Jackson’s the biggest player hater. His time is up. All you old niggas’ time is up. We done heard your voice. We done saw your marching. We done heard your sermons. We don’t wanna hear that shit no more. It’s a new day. It’s a new voice. I’m here now. We don’t need Jesse. I’m here. I got this. We got Barack [Obama]. We got David Banners and Young Jeezys. We the voice now. It’s no more Jesse, sorry. Goodbye. You ain’t helping nobody in the hood and that’s the bottom line. Goodbye, Jesse! Goodbye!” Nas, via Hip Hop Official

I was the first nigga sayin “alright, Jesse gotta go somewhere” when I heard the remarks about White Chocolate [Barack “Obama, O-bama, Oh–” *hilarious*] and his nuts. Niggas like Jesse Jackson give us haters a bad reputation.

I’m the nigga from The Ball. Jesse’s the guy who’ll put a nigga’s balls into a vice… without gloves.

Jesse’s time is definitely up. It’s been up for some time now. It’s been a long-ass time since Jesse Jackson’s reign as the Emperor of Black People.

Shit. Nigga more like the Isiah Thomas of Black People.

This man’s supposed to be a professional and got caught out there talking greasy to the Fox News house nigger. I don’t know what made Jess think saying anything like that to Uncle Ben, on or off the record, was a good idea. There’s more evidence still that Jesse Jackson is unfit to be the Emperor Isiah Thomas Janitor of Black People.

Why does Jesse have so much free time these days anyway? Did somebody revoke his Sue’s Rendezvous gold pass? Please get him back focused on chasing dark butt and away from cameras and microphones. We don’t need the salty black candidate of yesteryear fucking it up for a nigga that might actually be a good look today.

PGA Announcer: *ever so softly* All Nas has to do now is tap this 6-inch putt in and he has defeated Jesse Jackson in the Vote or Die Classic semifinals.

Escobar had this one until he appointed himself and a cabinet of David Banner and Young Jeezy as the new pantheon of black leadership.

Hip-hop’s “Hero” is obviously hopped up. Between Barack [Oba]MANIA and all these damn Hancock trailers, there’s a serious Duracell in his back.

Let me put you onto game. Heh. Heh.

In retrospect, there are some benefits to Jesse never having beaten out Michael Dukakis and Daddy Bush back in ’88 when you were a ballerina. Jesse’s Whitney-esque fall from grace would have ensured there not been another nigga president elected in this country for another couple hundred years.

Which got me to thinking: What it would be like if Nas, David Banner and Young Jeezy actually were our country’s president and cabinet.

President Nasir Jones: So what are we gonna do about this whole middle-east thing, god?

Secretary of State, David Banner: Fuck awll them fuck-ass niggas. I don’t give a fuck. Fuck awll them crackers and they up-top house niggas.

Secretary of Defense, Young Jeezy: <adlib> YEEEEEEEAAAHH!!!

The N: I don’t think those is exactly crackers over there.

DB: Naw, they awll crackers. Trust me.

The N: Well. I guess I learn something every day. There is no ‘Lazareth.’

DB: Huh?

The N: –And them niggas with long beards like they Arabs and Jews are from Israel.

DB: *to Jeezy* Oh, he trynna kick knowledge again.

The N: Aight. Fuck that then. What we gonna do about the environment, my niggas?

DB: Gawd gon’ take care of the environment.

The N: We ’bout to melt them ice caps, yo. That’s not a good look.


DB: Yawl just need to believe in Gawd. Gawd gon’ take care of his planet.

The N: But if we just pursue alternate energy sources like in that Al Gore movie… Yo, it could be paradise life—relaxing. Black, Latino and Anglo-Saxon.

DB: *grunts* If Gawd wanted us to be usin’ all that solar panels and beansprouts and shit he woulda done gave it to us by now. Y’all house niggas and crackas always tellin niggas to use beansprouts and eat right and shit. Then you get hit by a fuckin bus–

The N: David?

DB: No, listen. You get hit by a fuckin bus on your way out of Whole Foods, fuck nigga. My cousin ‘nem grandma-nana still alive. She 70! She eat all that pork and shit y’all fuck niggas say we ain’t supposed to eat and she good. That’s from Gawd.

The N: Wow.


The N: Plus I like my new Escalade.

DB: That’s what I’m sayin. *barking* YEAH!

Negro, please.

Yes, we need new voices. Jesse Jackson does need to sit the fuck down. Rappers should use their platform more constructively en masse. But we shouldn’t inherently look to just any rapper as a role model.

I think that’s a big part of the reason our people have gone complacent since the days of them old niggas.

Questions? Comments? Requests? DEEEEEEAAAAAMMMMNN!!!

P.S.: Jesse’s right about one thing. White Chocolate needs to do a better job of appeasing the “faith-based shit” (i.e.: old negroes). They’re the ones that actually go out and pull the lever after they’re done watching The Price is Right.

P.P.S.: Is that Barack spinning at the beginning of the video?

P.P.P.S.: I am not Carl “Jackpot” Chery.

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