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NEGRO PLEASE: Noel Gallagher = Jay-Z’s Wonderwall

[Editor’s Note: “Blogger’s Note” has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]

Todayyyyy is gonna be the dayyyyy that I’m gonna tear into you.

“If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. If you start to break it then people aren’t going to go. I’m sorry, but Jay-Z? No chance… Glastonbury has a tradition of guitar music and even when they throw the odd curve ball in on a Sunday night you go ‘Kylie Minogue?’ I don’t know about it. But I’m not having hip-hop at Glastonbury. It’s wrong.”Noel Gallagher [of Oasis], BBC News

[Blogger’s Note: At some point every week I find myself singing “Wonderwall” in front of a grip of white folk, so I don’t see why this Jay-Z shit is too special. Tell Hova to meet me in Korea Town and we’ll do this proper-like.]

“Today is gonna be the day
That they’re gonna throw it back to you
By now you should’ve somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don’t believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I’m sure you’ve heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don’t believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don’t know how

Because maybe
You’re gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You’re my wonderwall”
-Jay-Z, Live at Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Performing Arts

As you can tell, 140,000 uproarious fans beg to differ with Mr. Gallagher.

Jay-Z’s tongue-in-ass cheek tribute to the Oasis guitarist and songwriter couldn’t have been any more appropriate. With the defiance of ten Soulja Boys at the Law & Order: SVU wrap party, Old Hov’ (I ain’t callin’ a nigga my mama age “young”) made sure No-No knew exactly how his ass tastes.

Hmmm. Maybe Soulja Boy should have just Cranked Dat Cop Killer.

I know Jay-Z doesn’t wear a bowl haircut, eyeliner or skinny jeans, but I’d think it still safe to classify his music as “Contemportary Performing Art,” which the Glastonbury festival was established to celebrate– Not “guitar music.” There’s no surprise here concerning the perpetual opposition, though. Bigots and douchebags of Noel Gallagher-proportion have always failed to give hip-hop its due as a form of art.

Even at its most latent, there’s plenty to be said for the songwriting abilities of rap artists. Having said that, Jay-Z in addition has continually embraced live instrumentation in his stage show and clearly exhibits respect for instrumental musicians. Gallagher being both a lyricist and an instrumental musician, I expect better.

Clearly I should not.

Yes, Oasis is a fun time when you’re feeling all drunk and whiny. “Wonderwall” is my go-to shit on Rock Band. I know I’m not the only one who enjoys reminiscing on what we were doing [algebra homework] allll the way back in 1994 when Oasis was poppin’ off. But for 90s Britpop Revue to throw Stonehenge (see what I did there?) at one of the greatest icons of “Contemporary Performing Art” is some shameful shit.

Why the hate? It’s not like Oasis couldn’t come to Rock The Bells and wow everyone in America with their already-classic (nice way of saying “old-ass nigga”) tunes that we only use for karaoke fodder.

Oh, wait. That’s right. They couldn’t.

Negro, please.

If this is about someone being out of place in a CONTEMPORARY arts festival, maybe Noel should spend a little more time in front of the full-length mirror. Nigga look like he was standing right there when John Lennon’s closet got its brains blown out.

That Austin Powers haircut and “I Can’t Believe It’s Not 1995 Anymore” sound need to spend about 20 minutes in Ho Check with Cinnamon and Delicious.

I prefer putting my hoes on timeout as opposed to utilizing my physicality. I’m not really a violent man.

Sounds to me like blokey’s a mite salty he didn’t get the G’bury–as we say in the hood–call himself this year. I couldn’t tell you why he’s mad, son. Shit. If I were him, I’d be hella proud to be a Karaoke Idol.

Instead of enjoying life, Mr. Gallagher [I respect my elders] pops shit and saltily watches Jiggaman rock one of the world’s largest music festivals (from home with his teenage children) wearing a look of disgust we haven’t seen since the streets of London were lined with garbage and feces.

Oh, wait. That was last year.

Fuck outta here.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Still don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now?

P.S.: Good to see Memphis Bleek! I didn’t know they had Outback Steakhouse in Glastonbury.

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