Who burned down Fiddy Cent’s house?

Something tells me that firefighters don’t purposely go out of their way to note to the news media that a fire looks suspicious unless they pretty much know for a fact that it was a work of arson.

Granted firefighting is one of those professions you go into when you don’t have the skills to find a job where your life isn’t constantly in danger; or because you got out of the Army and, come to find out, the money they give you for college is only enough to pay for two courses a semester at a community college. (I heard that shit’s true. Damn.)

But I’m not doubting these guys’ ability to tell whether or not a fire was set intentionally. Nah, you’d think that, if it’s your job to run into burning buildings, you’d develop a sense for when mofos have purposely left fuel in strategic locations to aid the process. Plus, I heard there’s a test you have to take to become a firefighter, and the shit’s not that easy. Which is the reason why the department here in the STL is always having so many diversity issues.

I also heard that burning human flesh smells like bacon, and that’s the reason why a lot of firefighters don’t eat bacon. Christopher Hitchens wrote about it in his book God Is Not Great. I can’t remember how exactly this was meant to be evidence there is no god, but I do remember finding it pretty convincing. Regardless, something tells me that, if I was a firefighter, I’d be one of the ones who still eats bacon anyway. Bacon is good as a motherfucker.

But I digress.

So the question here is not so much whether or not Fiddy Cent’s house was purposely set on fire, but who did the deed.

I’m gonna rule out Fiddy himself right away, on the grounds that, what did he really stand to gain by burning down his own house? On the one hand, yeah, it’s funny he told her ass she needed to be out of his house by May 1st, and she didn’t, and the damn thing ended up catching fire. And it’s not like Fiddy stood to lose anything financially by his shit burning to the ground, thanks to insurance. (Plus, the shit only cost like $1 million, which is chump change to Fiddy.)

But why would Fiddy want to run the risk of trying to burn up his baby’s mother, especially given the fact that his son was in the house at the time as well? (I could see if the bitch was home alone.) Fiddy’s a cold motherfucker, but he’s not that cold. Plus, Fiddy already got over on this broad where it really counts – in court. So what she missed her deadline to be out of his house. I would’ve just deducted a month’s rent from her already way reduced child support payment. By the time she saw how light that check was, I’m sure she would have left of her own volition.

Fiddy’s baby’s mother, on the other hand, is definitely suspicious to me. First of all, we know for a fact she lacks the sense god gave geese. And the reason we know this is because she tried to take him to court for some ridonkulous sum of money. Which is how her monthly payments got cut way down in the first place. She probably read on the Internets that Fiddy made $400 million from Vitamin Water, and she was like, “Shit, I’m about to go get me $200 million!” If that was her thought process then, what’s to suggest she didn’t figure she could purposely burn his house down and the fire department wouldn’t know what happened?

Also, there’s a precedent for that sort of thing in the black community. Some of you younger heads might not be able to remember back when Left Eye from TLC burned down the house of that ball player she was living with. TLC back in those days was about as ubiquitous back in those days as Beyonce is today, but they were broker than a motherfucker, because LA Reid’s wife, Pebbles, stole all of their publishing. (How in the fuck are you gonna get robbed by someone named Pebbles?) So Left Eye did what a lot of women would do in that position, and found one of these ball players to leech on. One day she got pissed at him, probably because she found out he had a few baby’s mothers, and burned his house down.

As Left Eye noted on MTV News at the time, she wasn’t actually trying to burn the house down. She was just trying to set fire to several pairs of his prized tennis shoes (you know how black people are about shoes) in a bath tub, and it hadn’t occurred to her that, since this wasn’t an actual porcelain bath tub, it would also catch fire fairly easily. Like I said, neither one of these broads is that smart. If there’s a difference, it’s that Left Eye (as far as I know) hadn’t actually been kicked out of the house at the time. But otherwise, I’d say there’s enough striking similarities between these two incidents to suggest that they might be part of a trend.

Whether or not law enforcement is aware of a trend of black women who aren’t worth a shit leeching off a brother with a check and then trying to burn his house down when the shit falls apart, I’m not sure. It could be one of those weird things that just happens, like when crazy-ass white women suddenly feel compelled to drown their children. If I was Fiddy, I’d have my Jewish lawyer look into that. In the meantime, I’d be trying to go get my son, and maybe have him go live with Tony Yayo (who would never lay hands on a child) at his spread out in Connecticut. I’m sure they’ve got good schools out there.

In the long term, I’d see about gaining sole custody of the child, and perhaps even a restraining order against the mother. Then he wouldn’t have to sweat paying her any child support at all.

  • Pierzy

    That chick DEFINITELY did it. She probably thought she was doing some “Waiting To Exhale” shit and it got out of control…

  • Juan Ortiz

    In the meantime, I’d be trying to go get my son, and maybe have him go live with Tony Yayo (who would never lay hands on a child)

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    That was some funny shit LMFAO!!! But yo that broad is crazy !!!!!!!!!

  • Worley

    Yeah Shaniqua did it. The funny thing is now the b*tch definitely has to find somewhere else to live.

  • kelito-vision

    bitch definitely did that…

  • jonathan

    who cares! probably whoever should have killed him! seriously! im sick of all of you people! no bullshit! goodluck and take care! im tired of rap music! seriously! not really the music but the people! this shit is boring! seriously! goodluck! everyones fighting over MY MONEY! DOING WHATEVER THEY HAVE TO TO STEAL IT! WHY FIGHT! THE GOVERNMENT AINT DOING SHIT! THEY ARE CONDONING IT! WHATEVER AND GOODLUCK AND TAKE CARE! FUCK ALL THESE MOFUCKAS! FUCK 50 AND WHOEVER HE LOVES AND FUCK THE BITCH THAT STARTED THE FIRE AND WHATEVER SHE IS DOING! I DONT CARE! THAT SHIT IS PURE IDIODICY! SHE PROBABLY DID IT BECAUSE 50 AND THEM KILLED HER KID OR SOME DUMB SHIT! ITS WHAT IT IS! WHATEVER PROBABLY MY KID! GO TO THE POLICE DONT BURN DOWN A NIGGAS HOUSE! THATS STUPID! CHICKS ARE FUCKING PHYCHO! SERIOUSLY!

    • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

      is jonathan michael jackson?

  • Mr.Rogers

    I’m not ruling out Fiddy just yet…I’m not saying he did it but he might of commisioned it…plus its one of the largest homes in dix hills….if the fire started in the back and the bedrooms are in the front…its not that much of a risk, plus the kid’s 11…he got stop drop and roll training…

  • og bobby j

    Yea…my pops was a firefighter in FDNY for 32 years….and the cause of a fire is usually easily detected…especially when it comes to arson. In my opinion, it was either the broad or one of fif’s flunkies. For her, she could have been on some “if I aint living here no one is” type shit. Or fif coulda been like “I told you to get out…the nice way. Now I will tell you with flames”.

    Side note: Dont you think it would be cheaper to tell some lowlife to just merk that bitch and promise to pay them like 100k. Then, when the deed is done, you merk them. Save madd doe….

  • Kappa9

    “I’d be trying to go get my son, and maybe have him go live with Tony Yayo (who would never lay hands on a child) at his spread out in Connecticut.”

    Had me laughing here.

  • JONATHAN

    YEAH HIS BABYMOMS KNOWS ABOUT ALL THE MONEY HE IS STEALING FROM ME AND WANTS ALOT OF IT! SHE PROBABLY KNOWS ALL THAT SHIT AND PROBABLY MAKE A GREAT FEDERAL WITNESS WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT BUT YOU KNOW 50 HE ALWAYS WINDS UP PAYING PEOPLE OFF BEFORE IT CAN GET TO THAT! YOU UNDERSTAND! HE REALLY KNOWS WHEN ITS TIME TO GIVE IN. PAY HER 50 YOU STOLE SO MUCH MONEY! GIVE HER A FEW HUNDRED MILLION! SERIOUSLY! JUST MAKE IT BETTER BOO BOO! LOLOL! FUCKING CHIMP! I FUCKING HATE THESE NIGGAZ MORE THAN A NAZI!

  • Yo!

    I know that siding with the artist is the Hip Hop thing to do, but I just don’t see a mother putting her child in danger like that.

    She’s already reporting that she heard someone break in to the house at 4 a.m. just before the fire started.

  • Chris

    That’s common sense. Bacon is pig fat. Burning fat on any animal will smell like bacon, unless its a whale when it’ll smell like death raped by come-drenched shit.

  • rrahha

    she probably did it. it’s simple, in her mind she was probably thinking “if i can’t have it, no one can.” simple as that.

  • JIM

    Good read, on point. But word, 50 should take his son away from his moms. i know its gonna come out that she had something to do wit this.
    lol at him staying wit yayo(cause he dont hit kids).

  • henry

    if i was fifty ill jab her in the mouth

    1.4 million dollar house and back when he hit it he probably just bought her a combo meal from micky d’s, bitch dont deserve to be even in there

  • Quick

    It was probably a G-Unit stan that burned the house down. Have you seen those guys around the net? They rival the 2Pac fanatics.

  • giantstepp

    Bol, my nigga, good drop. I dont know if it was her or not but I do know that blackwoman can be some of the most vindictive creatures on the planet, so I wouldnt put it past her.

    Oh, and ban that fool Jonathan. That fool is all over the internets with his incoherent BS!

  • The Spaniard

    “Bacon is good as a motherfucker”

    …but Vincent, the pig is a filthy animal.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chronikill ROX ONE

    “Some of you younger heads might not be able to remember back when Left Eye from TLC burned down the house of that ball player she was living with”

    Andre “Bad Moon” Rison of the ATL Falcons (among others).

    From wikipedia:

    He has also been arrested several times for failing to pay child support to Raycoa Handley, the mother of his two sons. This ultimately led to Rison getting sentenced to jail by an Atlanta court on December 8, 2004 for neglecting to pay the $127,000 in child support Handley claimed he owed her. On January 3, 2005, Rison was released from DeKalb County Jail after making a $10,000 payment.[3]

    While playing for the Kansas City Chiefs, Rison tried to popularize the nickname “Spider-Man,” reflecting his touchdown celebrations where he posed like the superhero flinging spider webs…but the nickname never really stuck. Rison was also sometimes mocked as “Smokey”, “Fireman”, and “Flamer” in reference to the infamous Lopes arson incident, as well as Brock Middlebrook, after his attempt to deceive police after he threw a man through a window at the Bo’s and Mine, a local River Falls establishment near the site of the Chiefs training camp.

  • Yo

    Maybe The Game did it.

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    “Whether or not law enforcement is aware of a trend of black women who aren’t worth a shit leeching off a brother with a check and then trying to burn his house down when the shit falls apart, I’m not sure. It could be one of those weird things that just happens, like when crazy-ass white women suddenly feel compelled to drown their children.”

    - that is one of the funniest things i have read in a long, long time bol. two alarming trends indeed!

  • Non juornalistic professionalism

    You know, it sad that you beleive the shit that mofos tell you. case in point, I paid for my college education through my G.I. Bill. The catch is you have to be enrolled to receive a check. That means you gotta pay you tuition up front. So if you don’t have front money you’re gonna be left behind…

    College game is just like the dope game

  • Youngin

    This man jonathan says he’s tired of rap music but he’s on xxlmag.com…..come on man……..no SERIOUSLY!!!!! LMAO

  • Youngin

    Oh yeah and every body knows that bitch did it.

  • Rika From the Block

    you know she did it….simple chicks do simple things….

  • geico lizard

    if she heard someone break in at 4am why didnt she call the police? this sounds like she knew she wasnt getting the house so she burned it down. women rationalize things to themselves no matter how crazy or illegal and other women applaud them for it just like women were happy for left eye and lorena bobbitt they felt like those felonies were justified as long as a woman does it to a man.

  • JAY STONE

    Some of you give 50 too much credit and respect. Honestly, no one here knows who is responsible for the house burning. Its all speculation. Now you say 50 wouldn’t harm his child etc…but the mother would while she, her son, and others are in the house?
    I’m not implying he did it or had someone to do it. But I believe that theory before I believe she did it. Again, we do not know these people personally but we do know 50 the celebrity! The same 50 who gets mad if he has beef with someone and his crew doesn’t follow. The same 50 who was jealous of Game being just as hot as him and kicking him out the Unit. The same 50 who kicked Buck out the Unit. The same 50 who put Rocsi’s personal life on blast because she didnt like his cd….. He is a control freak and he obviously lost control of his baby’s mother when she started to date someone else!

    Regardless who is responsible, the all need to grow the f*ck up. Children are involved.

  • http://www.myspace.com/GrimeyHipHop Stan

    It could be one of those weird things that just happens, like when crazy-ass white women suddenly feel compelled to drown their children.”

    Fuckin Classic….

    MySpace.com/GrimeyHipHop

  • Jackel

    The question should be,”Who gives a fuck???”

  • Combat Jack

    ^”Bacon is good as a motherfucker.”

    Co-sign.

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