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News Flash! Lil Wayne Is Not On Syrup!

Well, got dammit…I done fucked around and succumbed to doing something I vowed I’d never do on this blog…

Write about Lil Wayne.

Not that I hate dude. Not that I don’t think he can rap. Not that I’m aloof to the fact that he is probably the most dick-rode popular rapper in the game right now. None of that.

Quite simply, I don’t have much to say about the dude. I thought it would be a waste of time to talk about Wayne. Mostly because I was giving folks the benefit of the doubt in thinking that some people might be tired of hearing of and about dude. But judging from what goes down around these parts and many other places and sites, people love to see the dude. They love to praise him, they love to hate him, they love to talk about him, they love to read about him. The world wants as much Weezy as they can possibly stomach. So here it is, my attempt to get a rise out readers and pad my comments speak on someone that I thought everything had already been said about.


Lil Wayne and his “syrup addiction” has to be the lamest topic in Hip Hop right now, if ever.

Yesterday when I was going to a jazz festival downtown, I ran into an associate. The conversation started with the usual “whats up dude, whats going on” talk. That’s usually the basis of conversations that people in the media have. Shit like “what you got coming, what you working on.” After a couple minutes of that, dude asked me what I thought about Lil Wayne’s “syrup addiction.”

Had this been a nigga I didn’t know, I would have just said “I don’t give a fuck about that shit.” But since I knew and respected dude’s mind and knew for a fact that he was capable of holding a conversation about something more relevant and important I went on ahead and entertained the query.

I told him exactly what I’m about to share with you. This nigga is not addicted to no fucking syrup.

No, I’m not a doctor. No, I don’t hang with the fella. But got damn though…

If this nigga is addicted to syrup like he says he is. Why isn’t he gaining any weight? I mean, not at least a little bit?

Every other time I see this nigga he has his shirt off. You don’t see Paul Wall, Mike Jones or any other Texas rapper or mah fugga praising the effects of syrup running around on stage showing off their bodies. You didn’t see Big Moe (R.I.P.) performing shirtless. You know why? Because they have the “barre belly.” Excessive syrup sippers wind up having digestive problems because of hardened intestines. In other words, they can’t shit. I said that before. You know what happens when shit don’t leave your body? It stays in your body, mainly the stomach. Wayne doesn’t appear to have anything resembling a gut. Unless he’s mastered some ancient forbidden art of being able to suck it in while breathing, talking and rapping.

Another thing I noticed was dudes energy level. Have any of ya’ll seen this dude perform live? I have. And I’ll tell you this, he has one of the more entertaining live sets I can remember. Why? Because this little muthafucka bounces around from one end of the stage to the other for damn near an hour.

Last time I checked, syrup was a downer. It makes you drowsy. Makes you slow down. Makes you nod. Weezy does none of those things during his shows. Hell, he hardly does any of those things during his interviews when he ever so eloquently breaks down just how painful his addiction is. Well maybe sometimes.

I believe Wayne is selling this whole “addicted to syrup” thing because he’s bored. The same way rap and rap fans are bored to the point that “Weezy’s demons” are the hot topic. He brings cups to interviews and answers these dumb ass questions journalists keep asking him about the shit because he’s bored. I really can’t fault dude there.

Syrup talk ain’t the only indicator that dude is bored out of his fucking mind either. Just peep the look on his face. No, not the expression. But his face literally. Dude has tats all over his mug. If that’s not the sign of bored mutha fucka then I don’t know what is. I mean, when I was bored as a child in school, I used to doodle in my notebook and draw on my desk. Them glue sniffing niggas who sat in the back of the class used to write on their hands and give themselves those eraser burn tattoos. As a grown man, when I’m bored I fuck around on the internet and play with some shit in photoshop. Other muthafuckas get stupid ass haircuts/hairdos and write on their face, or in his case and others, get their face written on. (oh yeah, Game is another example of a bored rapper. Suicide nigga? Really? I’m hearing he said that to keep himself awake during the interview.)

Weezy ain’t addicted to syrup ya’ll. But he will act like it as long as it intrigues folks dumb enough to believe it or care. What drug is he on, who ‘nose’? Probably too many to name. But don’t believe the hype.

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