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Chicago is full of little bin Ladens

One of the reasons I’m against our country’s detention center down in Guantanamo Bay is that I heard that a lot of the people locked up there aren’t even terrorists per se, they’re just random-ass people who got kidnapped and turned in for a reward, just like mine and DP’s great- great- grandpas hundreds of years ago.

Not that I’m complaining about being here in the US. I’m just saying. I wasn’t surprised in the least bit to see that clip, just now, of some African snatching Fiddy Cent’s chain right there on stage while he was trying to perform. Them Africans are some shady, egregious motherfuckers.

Similarly, I’m not saying the US should definitely have special prisons for Arabs where they lock up innocent people just so we can pretend as if we’re making any real progress in the war on terror… But as long as we are, you’d think we could at least lock up some of the ones who act as a genuine nuisance.

Along with the fact that we went to war for oil, and yet gas now costs more than ever, it’s one of the reasons I couldn’t get behind George W. Bush, even if I wanted to. The motherfucker’s just incompetent.

If the US was gonna go to such a system, the first group of people I’d nominate would be these cab drivers who simply refuse to wear deodorant; and the second group I’d nominate would be women with good bodies who insist on walking around in beekeeper suits.

That’s just wrong.

The third group of people I’d nominate are the ones who run these grocery stores in the ghetto, where the food has hardly any nutritional value but it still costs way more than it would at a regular grocery.

This kid named Mikkey Halsted, whom I’d never heard of until I just read this interview with him at the Chicago hip-hop blog Fake Shore Drive, laid out the case against such stores in a song he did last year called “Liquor Store,” and wouldn’t you know these freedom haters had the sheer balls to censor his shit.

Apparently, a lot of mixtapes in Chicago are sold in stores run by Arabs, and they issued a fatwa, if you will, informing Chicago hip-hop artists that they wouldn’t carry any mixtapes featuring Mikkey Halsted, nor would they carry any mixtapes by artists who even work with Mikkey Halsted.

Furthermore, he claims they threatened him and his family (presumably with some sort of explosion), though AB at Fake Shore Drive either didn’t press him to expand on this point or couldn’t get him to.

I’d approach the kid for comment myself (something tells me he isn’t busy), but you guys know I’d rather sit around and complain about shit than actually do anything. Especially on Cinco de Mayo. I might have to try some of that new Bud Light with lime in it. Or maybe I’ll just squeeze some lime into a regular Bud Light.

Either way, there’s probably gonna be some squeezing going on this evening.

But I digress. Now where was I? Oh yes, moral outrage: Does it strike anyone else as insane that some Arabs could even get away with some shit like this? Not censoring hip-hop; that happens all the time. When all of the business entities in your culture are actually owned by tall Israelis, there’s just not much you can do at the end of the day.

But it does seem insane to me that, in this day and age, i.e. in post 9/11 America, Arab mofos could actually a) tell an American artist (albeit a rapper) what they’re allowed to say, and b) threaten to send a retarded kid with a backpack full of explosives into his house (or whatever it is they’re planning to do) if he doesn’t comply.

Um, what ever happened to the war against terrorism? Certainly, this would actually fall under the category of shit we’re supposed to be fighting. I mean, if we’ve got mofos down in Gitmo who didn’t even do anything.

Mikkey Halsted might seriously want to consider hollering at Homeland Security. Not only would it make him that much more safe, lest they actually try some shit, but it might also have the effect of getting some of these god-awful stores closed. Which would be like killing two birds with one stone.

This could be the one of the few occasions – along with economic stimulus check day, aka Red Lobster Day – when one of President Sieg Howdy’s policies actually works out in black people’s favor.

If I was Mikkey Halsted, I would’ve been on the phone with USA TIPS a long time ago, but you guys know I’m racist like that. What do you fruits think? Should Islamic fascists be able to censor American rappers with the threat of violence? Or would turning them in constitute snitching? Speak on it.

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