A woman is never truly broke

If the current financial status of the Jackson family teaches us one thing, it’s that a woman is never truly broke, as long as she’s got a functioning vagina. A man, on the other hand, could end up shit out of luck, regardless of how much money he may have once had, and also regardless of whether or not he’s still capable of popping a rod[1]. If that’s not proof that a man’s lot in life is much worse than a woman’s, I’m not sure what is.

There’s a story in today’s New York Post that runs down the Jackson family’s current financial state of affairs. I copied and pasted the operative bit to my own site just now, but the gist of it is that the Jackson family is broke as fuck… except for the girls.

Janet Jackson has sold millions and millions of albums during the course of her career, and she hasn’t had to pay millions and millions of dollars in hush money to the families of children she’s molested over the years. (Lord knows she could have had her way with a young Bol, back in the early ’90s, and I wouldn’t have said shit!) So she’s supposedly currently worth $150 million; and I don’t particularly begrudge her that fact… except for the fact that she never could sing worth a shit, an almost certainly never would have become famous if it wasn’t for the fact that she was related to Michael Jackson, and she had guys like Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis writing all of her hits for her.

But that’s just me being a sexist. Never mind that.

As it turns out though, the rest of the women in the Jackson family aren’t so bad off either. Mother Katherine, being the mother and all, lives in the family mansion, called Hayvenhurst, in Encino, California, which is owned by Michael. She’s probably gonna be evicted once Jacko loses the place to creditors, but Janet has already bought her another mansion, in Las Vegas, for when that happens.

Presumably, they’re gonna let patriarch Joe Jackson live there, since, if it wasn’t for him, she would’ve just been some gimpy grocery store clerk and none of this would’ve ever happened, but who knows with these women. According to the story, Joe currently gets by by managing several girl groups out in Las Vegas, which I took to mean that he’s involved in the pimp game out there. So I imagine this new place there would cut down on his commute quite a bit.

The oldest sister, Maureen aka Rebbie, married some guy she met in Gary, IN, 35 years ago, and he apparently ended up having a successful career in business. Otherwise, lord knows what she’d be up to at this point. She could probably head out to Vegas and work with her daddy – except for the fact that she’s pushing 60. Similarly, Latoya Jackson, who’s been on the outs with the rest of the family since the early ’90s because she suggested that Jacko might have actually been guilty of molesting that boy, hooked up with a man who’s said to be worth a shiteload of money.

The guys in the family, meanwhile, haven’t been nearly as fortunate. I don’t think I need to run down what’s been going on with Michael since, like, the early 1990s. Of the rest of them, Poppa Joe might be best off, with his pimping career. Tito, who probably has the best name recognition of the non-Michael brothers (how could he not?), makes anywhere from $500 to $1500 a gig fronting what sounds like a wedding band. But the rest of the brothers are arguably even worse off than I am. Jermaine, Jackie and Randy all live at home with their mom, while Marlon lives in San Diego, where he stocks groceries at a supermarket called Vons.

Damn.

The brothers are all pissed off at Michael, whom they blame for putting their various careers on hold. Supposedly, Michael signed them all to his own label back in the ’80s, but then he wouldn’t put any of their albums out, because he didn’t want to compete with them. And over the years, he’s refused to get back together with them so that they could get some of that tour money. They figured he might break them off, since they all showed up for court and vouched for him not being a pederast on cable news during this most recent molestation trial, but instead he skipped town for the Middle East as soon as he was acquitted.

I wonder though: If all three of the sisters are supposedly millionaires, how come the brothers all have to be hounding Michael for money? Latoya and Rebbie both made their money the old-fashioned way (for a woman), so there’s probably no way they could cut anyone a check. Lord knows if I caught any wife of mine trying to cut a check to a 55 year-old man who still lives at home with her mom, I’d slap the shit out of her. But Janet’s got $150 million. Certainly, she could afford to break her brothers off enough that they could at least get a place by themselves, like myself and my little brother.

If I were them, I’d steal some shit from her house and sell it on eBay on GP.

[1] Though with Viagra these days, pretty much any guy with a pulse is capable of popping a rod that’s worthy of pr0n. No homo.

  • zacreole

    Damn plastic surgeons running off with the black man’s $$$$$.

  • ri067953

    Gotdamn, I guess Joe didn’t knock the boys in the head enough to give them some common sense. Seems like Janet is the only sensible one in the clan except for hooking up that crack head El Debarge back in the day. Too bad Joe and Michael cursed the Jackson name so that now it really ain’t worth shit.

  • BossGame

    That wild. especially about Marlon..DAMN!

  • jonathan

    you is a funny nigger! for real for real! lolol! this dude is hillarious! regardless of what is going on! you always make me smile and laugh bol! take care !

    • http://zacreole.blogspot.com zacreole

      jonathan,

      It’s nigga, ya dumb mu’fucker. N-I-G-G-A you stupid cracker. Oops, I meant cracka- C.R.A.C.K.A-no offense intended old chap. jonathan, you need to go back in the womb cause you sure as hell ain’t done yet. SMH against the wall.

      (listening to Sly & the Family Stone’s “Don’t Call Me Nigger…Whitey”)

  • http://suckapunk.blogspot.com Suckapunkin’

    Why doesn’t Jermaine have money? If I remember correctly from that stupid vh1 movie, he married Berry Gordy’s daughter, who you’d think would have some of that Motown money. Anyway, I’d doubt the brothers would have made that much selling records without Michael, as Jermaine’s crappy solo songs can attest to

  • kells

    LOL…top 10 material right here…true talk:a woman is never truly broke, as long as she’s got a functioning vagina. A man, on the other hand, could end up shit out of luck…SO TRUE

  • Tito J.

    “Lord knows if I caught any wife of mine trying to cut a check to a 55 year-old man who still lives at home with her mom, I’d slap the shit out of her.”

    I damned near pissed my pants when I read this line….CLASSIC!!!!

  • yeah right

    Bol you and most of your readers have a very slim chance of going for real for real broke, since your parents take care of you. Just one more post of you trying extra hard to convince people you are a man or straight or whatever other shit you aren’t. Seeing how soft and bitchmade you came across in your video interview I’d be willing to bet that ass has been ran up in a few times.

  • iLL

    Real talk. You make a very true statement. I told my girl the same thing. I said “If I lost my job in the current job market; I would have to work at a fast food restaurant. Because im damn sure not gonna jump in the dope game. If you lost your job, you could go to the strip club or talk some horny sap into giving you money just for the fuck of it” What a world. Pussy=money. Pure economics

  • geico lizard

    hey Bol you forgot the best part is jermaine jackson has his mom paying his child support for him so that makes him the biggest loser in that family. he actually went to court and said he was so broke that he cant pay child support so he wants his mom to pay it and the court agreed and now his mom pays support on her grandchildren jermajesty and i forgot the other kids names for jermaine. you are right Bol women complain about not having rights or equal pay but they can always flirt with a guy or lead him on like strippers do and get some small money and of course sleep with him for big money.

  • geico lizard

    on a sports site some women were complaining that wnba players should be paid the same as nba players but that is garbage because the womens game doesnt generate the same amount of money as the mens game so they cant pay them the same. the womens ratings are terrible and the games never sellout but they are complaining about pay and some are going over to europe so they can get paid more because the womens basketball game is more popular over there.

  • http://www.rizzleworld.blogspot.com allnice

    Dudes continue to spend money on these hos….I just don’t get it. A New York Times article said that women have higher salaries than men in all the major cities in the U.S. I thought the cat was out the bag, but these niggaz are still out here paying for chicks and what not.

    If you have a chick and she isn’t paying, then that broad is a waste in my opinion. Chicks know this. That is why they talk so much shit when dudes play around with different women or just chill out with they life. You know you are doing something right when chicks start to get angry at you. They don’t want niggaz moving in on their territory. But if you smart, you will do just that.

  • the number 1 stunna

    you are hella funny
    i cant even be mad that u basically saying as long as we women got vaginas we can sell em
    not actually my forte but………..
    u are hillarious!
    LMBAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • huggznstuff

    okay, so i thought this article was cute, maybe funny, but a bit on the volgur side as well, how much of it is true? i was merely searching for the ‘financial cericumstances’ of pappa joe, interesting read whether i agree or not.