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What’s Tony Yayo got to do with it?

“I don’t smack kids.”

- Tony Yayo

Is Tony Yayo’s weed carrier about to take the fall for that time when Tony Yayo (allegedly) slapped the shit out of Jimmy Henchmen’s son?

(Also, how in the world does Tony Yayo even have his own weed carrier in the first place? The fuck?)

Or who knows, maybe this guy Lowell “Lodi Mack” Fletcher (described by MTV News as an “honorary” member of G-Unit), who told New York’s infamous hip-hop police that he was the one who slapped the poor child, really was the one who did it.

At the time, I wanted to believe it was Tony Yayo, because I figured if it was premeditated, then this would easily be the greatest publicity stunt evar in the history of hip-hop. But the more I think about it, the more I realize this probably wasn’t the case.

Fiddy Cent’s Curtis was supposed to be released around the same time, but it kept getting pushed back – because no one liked the singles – to the point where all of the hype from The Other Slap Heard ‘Round The World (if you don’t know what the first one was, kill yourself) had subsided.

I maintained all along that they should have just dropped the album when it was supposed to come out, not only because pushing it back would give people that much more to realize what a shit sandwich it is, but because I doubted they could come up with a better publicity stunt.

And, as it turns out, I was right! That whole 9/11 album release date face-off with Kanye West, which Fiddy didn’t come up with so much as he let Kanye West talk him into, ended up blowing up in his face big time.

*takes a minute to revel in his self-satisfaction*

So now it’s a year later, and Tony Yayo’s still gotta deal with the fall-out from The Slap. He’s gotta be feeling pretty gypped, not only because it hardly served any purpose business-wise, but he’s still feeling the heat from that shit, even though he (may have) talked someone else into taking the blame for it.

Just the other day, his “tour manager” (again, what the fuck?) had his house in Queens shot up and damn near firebombed. (A Molotov cocktail thrown at the house landed on the lawn in front of it.)

Fortunately, as Yayo explained to MTV News, obviously his tour manager wouldn’t be living in some house in the Queens ghetto. (Pshaw!) “Picture my road manager living in the ‘hood,” said the rapper.

You’ll recall that his mother’s crib, also in Queens, was shot up not too long after The Slap. (Which of course is not to suggest that there’s any correlation between The Slap and any of this…) Why would Tony Yayo’s mother still be living in the ‘hood when even his tour manager doesn’t live there anymore?

As Tony Yayo explained to MTV News, his mother is from Haiti, and that’s just how Haitians operate.

“My moms didn’t move,” Yayo said. “I mean, she went through what she went through. I pray for her, but she made that house. She don’t wanna move. She came here from another country, she bought a house. She did everything for it. She don’t wanna leave. Trust me: She can if she wants to.”

If you say so, Tony Yayo. If you say so.

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