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Don’t make me a target

One of the nice parts of being as broke as a joke is that you don’t really have to sweat mofos trying to steal from you.

For example, the house I live in is not too far from some apartments that look like they might be Section 8, so I try to make it a point to keep my car locked when I’m not in it. But when you drive home drunk from places a lot, sometimes you end up forgetting. Fortunately, there’s hardly anything worth stealing in my minivan, other than maybe $.60 or so worth of change. And I wouldn’t even be sweating losing that as much. A bum might need it to cop himself a tall boy. And lord knows I know how it is to need a drink.

If I didn’t keep such a high public profile (these days, you kinda have to assume the CIA is inside your computer), I might even try to write that shit off on my taxes. After all, $.60 donated to “charity” is $.60 less I have to pay taxes on to the government. And why should I have to pay any money in taxes at all if I hardly make any money? Did you know that our tax system is purposely set up so that a multi-millionaire, who makes most of his income from what’s known as “economic rent” pays a lower rate in taxes than someone with a middle class level of income, who makes his money from working like a Hebrew slave? Man, fuck that shit!

But I digress. The reason I bring this up is that it occurred to me recently that if you’re one of these rappers or athletes (or, god forbid, an athlete who raps), you don’t have it nearly as easy. Not only do you have to worry about one of these gold-digging beeyotches trying to take you for all that you’ve got, but a gang of crazed hyphy rapists might run up on you and try to rob your ass. That’s just what happened to this guy Sean Taylor, who played for the Washington Redskins. A gang of dumbass kids broke into his house trying to steal his shit and ended up shooting him in one of his arteries and killing him, on some ol’ A Separate Peace shit. Oops!

When the story hit, of course the media thought the worst of this poor bastard, just like I thought about Pimp C. (My Bad.) From what I’ve read, this guy Sean Taylor just so happened to be a real piece of shit, with a history of violent incidents and run-ins with the law. But come to find out, he was probably just a victim of mofos trying to plot on him just because of his success – as has been the case, apparently, with any number of prominent, wealthy (-ish) black folks.

Which of course begs the question: Why is it that any time a black man gets a little bit of money in his pocket, another jig has gotta run up on him and try to take it?. Conservative pundits like this guy Jason Whitlock have tried to suggest that it might have to do with some sort of innate self-hatred and, of course, hip-hop, but I don’t know. Do black kids avoid running up in white people’s houses because they like white people more than black people, or because they know cracka-ass crackas aren’t gonna tolerate them even being in their neighborhood, let alone trying to steal something?

My guess is the latter. What do you fruits think?

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