Diddy’s worst week evar
“Rich niggas, black bar mitzvahs. Mazel tov, it’s a celebration, bitches. L’chaim!” –
Lyor Cohen Jay-Z
Never mind the shootings at Success Tech (heh), you know something’s gone horribly wrong with the world whenever I do a story about Diddy getting stuck for child support by one of his jump-offs one day, and then I’ve got to turn around and do another story about him getting stuck for child support by one of his jump-offs two days later.
No wonder Diddy was trying to executive produce the new Jay-Z album. At the rate he’s going, he’s gonna need whatever money he can get.
In case you fruits aren’t up to speed, allow me to fill you in. Nullus. As I mentioned on my site the other day, DNA tests recently revealed that Diddy fathered a child last year with this woman down in Atlanta named Sarah Chapman, who kinda looks like Whitney Houston after she had been with Bobby Brown for a minute.
This had been rumored for a while, but Diddy wasn’t about to speak on it one way or the other until he was certain it was his. Which suggests to me he may have had this happen to him before. When Chris Rock was on the Stern Show earlier this year promoting I Think I Love My Wife, he revealed how some broad was claiming to have his baby and demanding $1 million to shut up about it, like Jay-Z gives to his babies’ mothers.
Maybe Chris Rock is genuinely faithful to his wife, but you get the idea that the reason he knew the baby wasn’t his is because she was only asking for a relatively small sum of money. (I can’t remember if it was $1 million or what. It may have been less.) If it was really his, she probably would’ve just taken his ass to court and walked away with way more than that. God forbid!
But now that the tests are in, Diddy has announced that this child will be well taken care of, as if it was one of his other, somewhat legitimate kids. The other day, I wondered why Diddy should feel obligated to provide any more that child than it’s going to take to keep it in Pampers and Similac, but most people tended to disagree. And I guess it’s his choice, when it comes down to it.
However, announcing on TV that you’re about to come out of pocket to the tune of millions of dollars for some mistake you made one night is probably sending out the wrong message, no? In fact, you have to wonder if it’s any coincidence that yesterday it was announced that yet another woman has come forward claiming to be carrying one of Diddy’s babies.
According to the ur-reputable Media Take Out, which broke the story about the jump-off down in the A, this one is a 24 year-old blond from Long Island. (I’ve yet to see any pictures of this one, but I bet she’s smokin’!) Supposedly, she’s four months in, and had thought long and hard about having what I’m sure wouldn’t have been Diddy’s first abortion, but now she’s decided to keep it.
 Speaking of which, I heard Bobby Brown had a heart attack the other day. And I’ve often suspected that he’s had a stroke before, which is why his mouth is all bent out of shape and he talks funny. That was what happened to Crackhead Bob from the Stern Show. One day he was lighting up, the next thing you know, he was calling himself Bob because he couldn’t pronounce George anymore.
“First of all, I’d like to thank my connect…”