Hiring women to beat women

Putting your shoe on a woman is generally frowned upon, but what if you hire another woman to do your dirty work for you? I suppose it would still be wrong, in a sense, but would it still be considered misogynistic? What if the broad really had it coming?

By now I'm sure you d-bags have all heard about this weekend's incident with Foxy Brown. Supposedly, she broke up with some guy she was dating, and to get back at her, the guy went and got three nappy headed hoes to go after Foxy. They beat the crap out of her and stole her Louis bag with $500 and her hearing aid in it.

There's no word yet on whether or not she's been able to retrieve the hearing aid, but I bet the guy is especially distraught now that Foxy is deaf again. I don't know about the rest of you 'bags, but I always thought it would be cool to bang a deaf broad, just to see what kind of sounds she would make.

(In fact, if you're a deaf girl reading this, and you're... you know, at least decent-looking, maybe the two of us could hook up in the name of science. Trust that it wouldn't be a thing where I'd do it just so I could write about it on this site the next day. Fuck the kids who read this site; I just wanna know for myself.)

Granted I realize Foxy is the victim in all of this (as if it wasn't already bad enough that she can't hear shit), but the more I hear about this incident, the more I can't help but be disappointed in Foxy Brown.

First of all, I'm not saying she definitely should've been able to take out three gully project bitches all by herself (though I'm sure I could take like 40 of them - bring it on, ladies), but it sounds like she pretty much just stood there and got her ass beat. Which is disheartening to say the least. I mean, it's one thing to flex on some defenseless 60 year-old Asian manicurist, but now you have to wonder just how hardbody Foxy Brown is, to use the parlance of our times.

Also depressing: Supposedly, not only did Foxy Brown run to the cops and moan to them - in that weird shriek that deaf people tend to have - that she'd just had her ass beaten and robbed, but then she actually rode around with them in a cop car through the projects looking for the assailants. No, really. As a 26 year-old man who spends his afternoons sitting around in his underwear giggling at Clueless, I can't think of anything less hip-hop.

If anything, Foxy Brown ought to be glad at this point that she's a female rapper. Because I can't imagine Fat Joe or somebody getting away with anything like that. Shit, not even Cam'ron, for that matter.

As far as whether or not hiring another woman to beat another woman's ass is considered Kosher, I'm not sure. I mean, it's not like there's much in the way of standards in the hip-hop community anyway. Back in the day, Dr. Dre did everything to Dee Barnes short of taking her up on the roof and dropping her ass off, and it's not like his career has suffered much. Today, a rapper like Saigon not only roid rages on his girlfriend, but then he goes and writes songs about it. And I haven't heard as much as a peep about that. (Though obviously part of it has to do with the fact that the female "hip-hop heads" who live to destroy hip-hop don't actually listen to much hip-hop.)

So if anything, this weekend's incident with Foxy Brown could actually be viewed as progress. Which is not to say that the shit was right or... you know, justifiable in a court of law, but it was at least more right than something that's completely indefensible. (It's like the last Nas album compared to the last Jay-Z album!) A man shouldn't beat up a woman, because, more often than not, it's just plain not gonna be a fair fight, but there's still plenty of instances where a woman could use a nice meeting with a shoe. In that case, outsourcing your woman-beating work to an actual woman would at least seem like a decent compromise, if not quite the best in conflict resolution tactics.