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Don’t be like Mike

Just to switch things up from the all Imus all the time nature of the workout as of late, I thought I’d take a look at another arena in which black men have recently taking a L.

It was announced today that 50 Cent and his baby’s mother, who almost certainly doesn’t look anything like the woman who played his baby’s mother in the film Get Rich or Die Tryin’, have come to an agreement in which Fiddy will pay her $10,000 in back child support plus $15,000 per month, presumably from now until the child turns 18.

Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ!

According to my calculations, that works out to well over $1 million by the time it’s all said and done with, and that’s assuming Fiddy doesn’t spend any more money on the kid than the amount he’s required to pay each month.

And I shudder to think what percentage of that $15,000 per month will actually be spent on the child. Having worked in the so-called service industry for about 10 years now, I’ve seen my share of mothers blow an entire child support check on a cart full of shit for themselves and maybe a pair of pants for the kid, if he’s lucky.

Interestingly enough, it was Fiddy himself who initiated the hearings, just to set a definite amount. My guess is that his baby’s mother had been gouging him for way more than that, and he wanted to figure out the bare minimum he’d be required by law to pay.

Still, as bad as that sounds, it’s nothing compared to what Michael Jordan had to pay his wife. Forbes magazine recently put together a list of the top 10 most expensive celebrity divorces, and Jordan’s split last December from his wife of 18 years came in number one at $150 million.

Granted, it’s not like Jordan will be hurting for money anytime soon. That is, unless he somehow manages to gamble all of the rest of his fortune away – which, from what I understand, might be more likely than you’d think. But still, that’s way more money than even Steven Spielberg or Paul McCartney had to pay.

And the worst part about it is that I heard that before she got with Jordan, Juanita had already run through her share of other ball players. Obviously I’m no lawyer like our good friend TPAR, but you’d think Jordan’s lawyer could use that against here the same way they did Paul McCartney’s one-legged wife.

If there’s a lesson to be learned here, it’s that a man can never be too cautious with his finances, especially once kids are involved. I bet if Michael Jordan had all this to do over again, he probably never would have married Juanita in the first place, especially given her history. If anything, Fiddy oughta feel lucky he didn’t have to pay nearly as much.

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