Bask in it
Can you believe the (White ) Rapper Show is down to four rappers already? Last week, both Sullee and Jon Boy left, because Sullee quit and Jon Boy’s dumbass let Sullee talk him into not following directions. Now all that’s left are Persia, John Brown, Jus Rhyme, and Shamrock.
Persia has had it pretty easy thus far, but Jus Rhyme has yet to even appear in the elimination round. Persia criticizes John Brown for not really going hard on Sulllee, and it looks like her and Mr. Ghetto Revival might be getting into it this episode.
Tonight’s first event involves appearing on the Miss Jones program, on Hot 97. Miss Jones’ is a lot fatter than she was back in the day, and her boobs are practically falling out of her shirt. It might be hot if you’re into that sort of thing, but I think I just actually lost my rod.
They all have to freestyle over the radio. Miss Jones gives them a hard ass time, because you know how black chicks hate white people, and she makes it a point to play up the white part for her listeners – though I guess part of it’s because they can’t see that over the radio.
And to her credit, these are some wack motherfuckers. Myy favorite at this point would have to be John Brown just for the catchphrases, but none of these d-bags are genuinely impressive as an MC.
Speaking of John Brown, his dumb ass makes the mistake of mentioning Clear Channel on the air, which prompts Miss Jones to do that thing with her kneck that I’d know by name if I was more familiar with lower class black people.
Honestly, the dude kinda scored some points with me with that one. Nullus. Ghetto Revival! Hallelujah Holla Back! Persia, on the other hand, was none too pleased, and takes it as an excuse to continue her previous tirade against him.
That night, John Brown finds a moose head in his bed, Godfather-style. Jus Rhyme owns up to putting it there and finds it impossibly funny, but John Brown doesn’t find it nearly as amusing. It’s clear to him this competition is now each man for himself.
The next day, a teh ghey guy is brought in to help the white rappers cultivate their thug image. He mentions that hip-hop thug wear is based on prison culture and – by extension, we can presume – teh ghey culture.
Oh, in my white tee indeed.
HBO’s Saigon, who almost certainly had sex with men in prison (seen his MySpace lately?) is brought in to grade the white rappers on their thugginess. The competition itself is some silly shit involving running up the street with a shopping cart and stealing a bike.
The three guys finish the competion in decent enough time (Shamrock has an issue with stealing the bike), but Persia gets winded early on and has a problem pushing the cart up the street, which is on the slightest of inclines.
After the competition, she locks herself in the bathroom and ends up keeling over Fat Elvis-style. In the most dramatic fashion possible, they hook her up to an oxygen tank and wheel her out of the house, as if she’s anything other than fat and winded.
For winning the competition, Jus Rhymes win a “thug’s night out on the town” with Noreaga. Jus Rhyme gets to pick one white rapper to go with him, Jus picks the King of the Suburbs. Noreaga looks like he’s been eating pretty well on this reggaeton bullshit.
The dinner seems to last all of five minutes. At home, Shamrock and Persia, who was never actually admitted to the hospital, talk shit about John Brown. When they get back, John Brown and Shamrock kinda get into it.
Even though Jus Rhyme won, he’s not immune from elimination. After all, there’s only four of them left at this point. The final competition involves writing a thugged out version of nursery rhymes they pick from a big-ass box of crayons.
Final round: John Brown’s verse is solid but underwhelming, Shamrock’s is laugh out loud funny (even Serch couldn’t help but chuckle a bit), Persia stumbles and can’t even finish, Jus Rhyme’s was kinda retarded, but at least he finished.
So Persia is forced to step off. You can tell Serch hates to even have to tell her. He would send Jus Rhyme home, because he’s fucking wack, but at least he had the balls to finish. Also, does anyone know if Serch is from Far Rockaway?
NEXT WEEK: The white rappers visit the white rap Graceland.