Judgement Day

Trick or treat, niggas. Last Halloween was a historic day for hip-hop. No, we didn’t get the release of the long-awaited second album from Clipse (some magazine said it’s a classic, you bastards). Instead we got a grab bag of diverse rhyme slayers with many styles, many styles. Britney’s ex went head up with Chuck D’s hypeman, but they weren’t the only ones duking it out in the ten or twelve record stores (The Tower of power is no more, kids) that still exist.

Yes, it’s Wed., so the results of last week’s releases are in. Allow me to give you the results as YN Presents His First Annual Coaster Countdown. (Naysayers take note: I never actually sat and listened to any of this crap below. Life is precious and time won’t give me time. Word to the Boy called George.)

10: Ron Artest My World
SoundScan: 1
One? How’d you only sell one CD especially when millions of people seen you beatdown some crackers at a basketball game. Maybe people we’re too shook to cop the QB’s soldier’s debut. Hell, who even knew it was out? Anyway, Ron’s my dude and I think you SoundScan suckers are scamming us. Election day was yesterday but my nigga still deserves a recount.
UPDATE: Ron Ron sold 343. SoundScam had two seperate listings. Their bad. The homie moves up to #7.

9: Channel Live Street Science Rap
SoundScan: 20
KRS’s former castaways are still out there grindin’? Who knew? I used to live in Brooklyn and running into Hakim on the street is any music industry fuck’s rite of passage. I thought homeboy was doin’ videos with Benny Boom. Again, 20 units? That’s disrespectful. Keep ya head up fellas, according to this spot, your shit is sold out. Ha!

8: Celly Cel Brings the Gumbo Pot
SoundScan: 100
This Bay Area rap vet is wearing a lot of red on his cover and I don’t want no problems. Moving on…

7: Lil Romeo Greatest Hits

SoundScan: 161
Can you believe this little tyke has 4 LPs under his belt (Take that, Mr. Budden). Might make a nice stocking stuffer for the shorties this holiday season.

6: Juggaknots Use Your Confusion
SoundScan: 535
This is some underground shit, so who knows how many albums were even pressed? I haven’t thought about these guys since I used to write the underground column I created in The Source.

5: CL Smooth American Me
SoundScan: 693
Life after Pete Rock? Not that good, apparently.

4: Ice-T Gangsta Rap

SoundScan: 744
Even pimpin’ his new lady out Darlene-style couldn’t save the day for the rap Hall-of-Famer.

3: Cee-Lo The Closet Freak: The Best of Cee-Lo Green The Soul Machine
SoundScan: 788
Looks like some greedy label wants a piece of that Dangermouse poontang pie.

2: Flavor Flav Flavor Flav
SoundScan: 2,181
I remember back in the early 90’s when we were actually fiendin’ for a taste of the Flavor on the solo tip. It’s obvious here that Flav has tried to parlay his new TV fame to resurrect his music career and failed miserably. Might be time to holla at VH1 to talk about Season 3, playboy.

1: Kevin Federline Playing With Fire

SoundScan: 6,485
Let me get this straight: dude gets his album out, becomes a wrestler and then decides it’s time to kick his rich white bitch to the curb. Wow, that’s gangsta! All I know is dude’s bars are so elementary, we struggled to find the right one to be crowned Step Your Rap Game Up’s worst of ’06. Congrats, K-Fed!

  • Flip

    DAMN ARTEST!!! 1 fucking album!?!?! That can’t be real. The nigga doesn’t have a family!?!? If I made an album of freestyle harmonica music I could get off at least 15 joints from friends and family cops. This shit is embarassing for the black race.

  • Tyler

    ARe mean for real are U shock’d by any of these? Okay my man Flavor should have done better #’s than this but he didn’t even have a single or video did he? K Fed is just Dead on arrival dawgs plus he lost his sugar mommy which I can’t wait 2 see his bitch back out on the town drinkin’ her ass off down here on South Beach so I can beat it real good.
    Peep the musical heat and vibes at:
    http://www.myspace.com/marcusorealiusmusic
    http://www.myspace.com/marcmaysrockandrollthug

  • The DJ Formerly Known as N-CREDIBLE

    Should have done it on the top sellers…probably would have but then you realized who was #1…

    Cashmoney still the company and Weezy the boss

  • http://www.myspace.com/corinnemq Corinne

    It was not surprising that ma….that straight out of the jungle looking person didn’t release his album, it would of been nice for Halloween sound effects though.

  • big bo

    what did birdman and weezy sell?

  • SONNY CHEEBA

    Ron Artest sold “1″ copy…

    DAMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNN HOMIE!

  • http://nahright.com eskay

    smh @ Artest

  • http://www.myspace.com/corinnemq Corinne

    ^^^^^^ must of been his number #1 fan (pun intended)

  • http://www.myspace.com/corinnemq Corinne

    ^ must of been his number 1 fan ( pun intended)

  • http://www.myspace.com/corinnemq Corinne

    srry, double

  • http://www.myspace.com/corinnemq Corinne

    ….and on K-Fed. He offically is Vanilla Ice’s brother, I swear they related. It’s a damn shame that he even tried….but to think about it, Paris did get on stage with Fat Joe, I do see a K-Fed and Ja Rule colab though…

  • http://MYSPACE.COM/LEGACYHIPHOP BELIZE

    haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  • Young A. Simmons

    Shit Ron, imma buy a copy next week just outta pity.

    and kfed predicted he would sell 2 mill.. only 1.99 million more to go, good luck with that.

  • http://www.allhiphop.com Rey

    Gotta love K-Fed’s “rapper sneer”.

    Dude looks retarded.

  • gluvnast

    LMAO!!! one album…i guess he bought that copy himself for the listening party

  • gluvnast

    i mean is it REALLY that possible to just sell one record….?????

    isn’t that a record or something??

  • Mr.Me

    YN can we please get some consistency over on bangers because xxl is updatin the bangers at weird ass times if at all. Tell the troll who runs that section to stop slackin off an release the music 1st at a reasonable time.

  • http://www.hiphopgame.com/index2.php3?page=tracks1 iLL Change

    lol @ Flip. “freestyle harmonica.” but for real, how do you only sell one album? that’s guiness material right there. i bet he bought it himself. he aint have no promo anyways tho, so he only got his self to blame.

  • Mr.Me

    YN’s mother has a glass eye filled wit Maddog 20/20 an RubyRed

  • SONNY CHEEBA

    hey Elliot, i should get a blog here JUST for the comment i made below on Bo(w)l’s page!

    SONNY CHEEBA Says:

    November 8th, 2006 at 4:33 pm

    This was ALL the white man’s plan!

    When Hip-Hop BLEW UP, whitey was trying to figure out how to take it from niggas (like Rock’N’Roll) so they dropped Vanilla Ice…

    He sold DUMB records (like 17million or so), but after a while niggas knew he was just an MC Hammer biter and deaded it…

    We took control for alil while longer until “nature took it’s course” and gave us Eminem…

    He was DOPE, signed to Interscope (home of Death Row & 2pac), and was co-signed/produced by “Dr. Fuckin Dre”…

    Can u say: Game Over?

    But NO, we STILL managed to “keep it real” and that’s when whitey REALLY kicked his plan into affect!

    He took ALL the dopest producers (Neptunes, Primo, Swizz, Timbaland, etc) and had them making music for his “pop acts” (Justin, Beyonce, Nelly Furtado, Gwen Stafani,etc), thus making a drought of “good beats” for the “good artists”…

    and then as opose to signing credible acts who have something to talk about other than guns, drugs, bitches & money (a subject i actually like)- they go & sign a WHOLE BUNCH of COONS! ie D4L, DFB, Ying Yang Twins, etc…

    Thus letting a precious art form dwindle away and “kill itself”…

    That’s why “Hip-Hop” is dead!!!

  • Jason Mckenzie

    how the fuck do you sell 1 copy if i was ron i would kill myself

  • weezybaby

    ALL I NEED IS ONE ALBUM

  • killa k

    me and my boys are gonna buy Ron’s album just to get him into double figures

  • Danja29

    Ahhh, don’t cry for Ron… he’s just takin’ his rap career one fan at a time.

  • G Off

    Somebody out there is like “Damn, I was the only cat to buy Ron Ron’s disc? Shit.”

    It makes me want to go buy one just to double his numbers

  • Meka Soul

    k-fed made me stop watching wrestling altogether.

    no mike jones.

  • jonjon–23

    Those numbers are mind boggling….I wonder how K-Fed even got a budget to put out an album.

  • Bang

    someone return his shit now, just to fuck with him

  • pop a poppa

    those #s are wrong cuz i saw more than 3 people buyin’ Ron’s album at the record store. don’t know how soundscan does their #s but they mos def ain’t countin’ every sale (vote or die bitch!). and fuck Bush. we want a recount.

    it makes me wonder how we can be sure who has the #1 album on the charts if they can’t even get this basic shit right.

    and with K-Fed flyin’ solo at least he’ll have some mo shit to rap about LOL

  • Hannah Smith

    “I haven’t thought about these guys since I used to write the underground column I created in The Source.”

    Um, it was kinda wholesale lifted – title and all – from another magazine…

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  • Prince Of The South

    One album sold. You know he bought that himself. That’s bad even your own family wouldn’t buy your cd. What about your girl, why she ain’t buy a record. LOL

  • D-Wats

    Damn Ron, I could fart into a mic and sell more than 1 copy of it. If 1,000,000 is platinum and 500,000 is gold, what is 1?

  • BillyC_808

    I wasn’t going to say anything until I read the words “crackers” and “white bitch” in your review… then I changed my mind… ain’t it strange that the least talented fool on this list, F-Ked, sold more records than everybody else on this list combined? What does that prove? While blacks are busy shuckin’ and jivin’, hatin’ whitey, my people are still makin’ moves, still promoting their shit, and still makin’ more cash than the rest of you raciest fucks! One love.

  • Pingback: If I put out a rap album… « I ask Joboo to come. Take FEAR from bats.

  • Blah zay Blah

    a note on Juggaknots

    That record actually scanned 562 by end of week 1. I noticed they had 26 that scanned right before street date that didnt count on week 1.

    Juggaknots first record “Clear Blue Skies” released by Caroline in 2003 only scanned 134 1st week and that record went on to scan over 11,000 units…and by looking at sound scan it took 8 weeks to do the numbers this record did. Does that mean “Use your Confusion” will scan over 50,000 units in 3 years time?

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  • 110 street

    did someone expect something different? Not me

  • http://www.myspace.com/xadam22 Adam22

    my girl is a basketball fan and she bought the RA cd just because she’s a big fan of his. she said that at best buy they laughed in her face when she asked where it was!

    seriously though YN, you should do posts like this more often, i LOLed hard at a bunch of these. soundscans in 2006 are a gauranteed laugh fest

  • pileofshirt69

    I’m somewhat troubled by the omission of the AG album “Get Dirty Radio.” Did he somehow move negative copies?

  • http://www.sausagecommittee.com Froman

    Man…I guess Nas is right. HIP-HOP IS DEAD!!!
    Or maybe it’s the dumb ass kids out here that think “Chicken Noodle Soup” is a great record. I feel sorry for this coutry when these kids become adults. Their kids will be mindless blobs and our government will be shit.

  • BIG BABY JIM JAM SLIM SLAM

    CELLY CEL SHIT IS FIRE!!!
    K FED IS BANGIN!!!
    IM WAITING ON THAT NEW LUCY PEARL SHIT

  • DAVE B

    YALL NEED TO LEARN HOW TO READ ….IT SAYS AT THE BOTTOM …UPDATE SOUNDSCAN HAD 2 LISTINGS AND ARTEST ACTUALLY SOLD 343 RECORDS …EVEN THO THATS STILL NOT GOOD THE DUDE SOLD MORE THAN 1 COPY

  • lil ray

    main fuck lil romeo ice fake ass i fuck with real pimps like flavor flav aw yeah i didnt forget about kevin federhoe fuck you sucker ass fagets

  • YA HEARD!!!

    SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WE CAN’T KNOCK THE HUSSELL, BLACK WHITE OR CHINESE, BUT SERIOUSLY DIDN’T WILLIAM HUNG OUT SELL THESE PEOPLE…..NOW THATS A PROBLEM. THEY SHOULD REALLY THROW IN THE TOWEL ON THE RAP AND HIP HOP IN GENERAL…

  • HipHop Is Dead

    CL SMOOTH is WHACK!

    I went to SOBs Monday night and he was madddd rude! I was going to buy the album because i heard trax on his website and no lie they are fire! But after that stunt, dude gets no love. thats why freddy played him and he probably didnt even get it. If CL SMOOTH reads this: UR ATTITUDE IS WHY YOU SOLD UNDER 1000 copies and K-FED sold more than you! Hip Hop is DEAD!

  • http://www.xxlmag.com/?p=6026 nigga wit a aditude

    well guys I GEUSS we no one thing thats good about this ron artest has 343 family members

  • http://www.deafceo.com deaf blaze

    damn this was a funny piece… po kfed

    that mofo have it good too!

    a rich pussy.. i take that back

    a rich shaven eatable pussy and he didnt have to work he could stay home and let his lady run the street

    but nooo he want to be the boss lol

    b-spears wasnt havent that.. she called up whitney houston and she said gurl if u dont divorce his ass u gonna be broke like me for the rest of ya life… kick him to the curb like i kick crack to the curb … u got some coke for me?

    lol

  • http://www.myspace.com/DeeBoon Dee

    These cookies cutters are all the same.. Listen to some fresh new music

    http://www.myspace.com/DeeBoon

    First time ever, and I got 2 hits..

  • http://www.myspace.com/DeeBoon DeeBoon

    These people are killing me… I can make hits in my sleep. http://www.myspace.com/DeeBoon I don’t even have any professional help.. Can you imagine what will happen when I do..

  • http://www.thelord.cjb.net The Lord

    well…I’m white haha

    I don’t really fit…but I still think K FED is a fuckin bitch. Everyone should see that he’s ridin’ britney’s dick (money) till he realizes how ridiculous his album is.

    And as for Artest…also ridiculous.

    Honestly, I feel bad for Ice Cube.

  • i’ll shit bag u

    elliot wilson… whats up wit all dat cracker shit u talkin bout u fuckin mooli!! i’ll spit in ya face fagget!!!!

  • http://ukrproekt.com.ua/ Александр

    Счастье – не награда за добродетель, а сама добродетель; не потому мы наслаждаемся счастьем, что обуздали свои страсти, а наоборот, наслаждение счастьем делает нас способными обуздать их. – Б. Спиноза

  • http://e-crimea.biz Крым

    Интересно, подписываюсь!