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Hands off daddy’s wallet

In an age when even the most popular rappers are routinely having their asses handed to them by the likes of Danity Kane and the High School Musical soundtrack, the last thing they need is some woman trying to build a career off of having their babies.

I’m not saying a man shouldn’t be held accountable for his own offspring, but obviously there should be limits. Working the layaway desk at a discount department store, I happen to know for a fact that even broads who only get like $200 a month in child support see no problem with spending a good quarter of it on themselves.

Which is just wrong. With the kind of lifestyle I lead (this summer I discovered the joy of the 32 oz. porterhouse), it’s hard for me to imagine a kid living on $200 a week, let alone $200 a month. And that’s before the mom takes like $50 to buy herself a new pair of shoes when she’s probably already got a whole closet full.

But that’s the thing: When all you’re doing is cutting a check each month, it can be difficult to know how it’s being spent without following the bitch around to ensure accountability, which is definitely what I’d do if I was stuck in that situation.

A better solution might be to cut a check to a food pantry which could then parcel out X amount of food each month based on the child’s needs. If the mother eats all of the baby’s Corn Flakes before the month is up, she’d be forced to come out of her own pocket, lest the child starve to death. And I imagine a similar solution would work well for kids’ clothes.

Meanwhile, many rappers these days are being forced to cut checks for way more than $200.

Take for example Young Jeezy. Since 2001 he’d been paying $178 a month in child support. This would seem like a ridonkulously low amount, but fortunately the broad was living in a section 8 development and probably extracting more money from the federal government each month than I make from my own site, XXL and the BGM combined.

Earlier this year his baby’s mother took him to court to increase the amount of the payments. I was all for this because a) what fuck is a five-year-old boy supposed to eat for $6 a day? and b) us tax payers shouldn’t be compelled to provide a subsidy for the offspring of some jig who’s probably got a chain worth more than I’ll make in my lifetime (i.e. $100,000).

Only thing is, this bitch didn’t want $1,000 a month, or even $2,000 a month. The amount she was asking for? $20,000 a month! Smart drug dealer that he is, Young Jeezy began furiously looking for ways to hide his income. According to Jeezy, he’s yet to recoup on his deal with Def Jam, and all he’s gotten from rap so far is a $35 a day per diem.

With the way this business is set up, that could very well be true. But either way, I was left with no other choice than to support Young Jeezy in his efforts. I’d rather this skank live rent-free for the rest of her life than see her make a fortune off lying to some rapper about being on the pill.

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