A Traveling Band Of Misfits And Outcasts

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I’m not saying that it’s easy to make a record sell. I’m just saying that you can’t expect to win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket.

Anyhoo, Noz, a man who refers to the latest Dogg Pound album as “very nice”(a), was kind enough to put up a list of records designed to provide a modicum of hope that there’s some worthwhile rap coming out anytime soon. Or, at the very least, get your mind off the fact that this summer’s hip-hop album’s are a total cuffin’ wash(b).

But, unlike Noz, I really don’t care if you all kill yourselves or not, so I’ll take the liberty of debunking his attempt at uplifting sorcery(c).

Outkast—Idlewild: I’ve already spoken on this and I don’t like repeating myself. So I won’t.

Young Jeezy—Thug Motivation 102: The Inspiration (Or something like that): If you like Jeezy, you’ll like the record. If you don’t, you spend your time using him as a punchline on bulletin boards all day, your life is basically worthless and you won’t like the record(d).

Me? I predict bigger and better than the debut. And because my opinion is the only one that matters, you can save your self-righteous indignation for your real parents.

Pharoahe MonchDesire: I’ll see it when I believe it.

Note: For those of you children who lost your hip-hop virginity to Makaveli, Pharoahe is that nickel. Twice. Even if he does do the gospel thing, it’ll be better than Gnarls Barkley.

Granted, he may still go wood in the hood, but I’d rather see him strike out than see Yung Joc hit a home run(e).

Pimp C—The Pimpilation: As I said in the comments to Noz’s bit of trickery: “Pimp C’s album sounds like it’s gonna be the other half to the slab of smoking trash that was Bun B’s last album. Them dudes really need to hole themselves up somewhere and drop the album they’re capable of. Unless, they’re still signed to Jive. Then in which case I must call for a boycott. Standard.”(f)

The Clipse—Hell Hath No Fury: Somewhere near the end of his jedi mind tricks, Noz opines that some Scarface record I have no knowledge of has the potential to be better than Hell Hath No Fury.

As if.

Rick RossPort of Miami: If you can look aside little things like lyrical dexterity, this one may actually be en fuego, as they say in Cuba. The Nate Dogg Akon joint is infirm and—as much as I hate to admit it— there’s a Cool & Dre a banger or two on there. Not sure what anyone was thinking with “Blow,” but , oh well.

RaekwonCuban Linx II: I’ll see it when I believe it.

Project Pat—Crook By The Book: Three Six Mafia without Crunchy Black is like Harold Melvin without the Blue Notes.

Nas—Hip Hop Is Dead: If you believe that God’s Son was Nas’ best album(g), then you’ll understand that this one may be much better. At any rate, you’ll all cop it(h), dissect it, hate it, love it, send legions to war over it. I can hear the Nas Stans marshaling their forces as I type:

“Dudes, this is our greatest battle yet. Our whole lives have led up to this moment…”

And, not for nothing, dudes that keep fronting on will.i.am obviously go to parties where all they do is nod their heads real hard to old Black Sheep and Primo cuts while buying the cheapest drinks allowable and talking about “bring New York back” and “real hip-hop.” Losers.

The GameThe Doctor’s Advocate: Mathematically speaking, this may very well be the most anticipated album of the year. Not to say that we all think it’s gonna be much good, if any. But we’re all curious. I think it’s perfectly fine to admit this without having to be a closet homosexual, or whatever the going is slur is.

P.S.—To quiet some of the scuttlebutt being thrown around les internetes, I spoke to my homegirl at the MC Rating Association of Armerikkka (MCRAA), and she confirmed that the Clipse are not overrated, whereas Lupe Fiasco is(i).

——————–

(a) I don’t know what to make of that, either.

(b) This may make no sense, but The Big Bang has a total “winter” feel to it.

(c) Except for the tax write-offs. I’m not giving those the dignity of a response.

(d) Unless you’re Oprah, in which case you’re too rich to care either way.

(e) And was that crap him and his bag of a boss pulled at the BET Awards supposed to be a “performance”? Somebody kill me. Please.

(f) I just cut and pasted that, so it’s not really like I really repeated myself.

(g) Which it was.

(h) And by “cop,” I mean: “Purchase in a perfectly legal manner not one second before it is commercially available.”

(i) He’s good and getting better, but you children are building him up to expectations he cannot possibly live up to. I say cut to the chase and crucify him now.

  • http://www.myspace.com/specialopsbez B-EZ

    i agree with u completely.aint no fuckin way cuban linx 2′s coming out this year.

  • http://www.myspace.com/specialopsbez B-EZ

    Game is not gonna get any Dre beats, I dont care what his publisists are saying, its just damage control. He crossed the line with the 50 bashing last year as far as Interscope is concerned. And a Game album without Dre at least mixing, is gonna sound like a Game mixtape.And I dont mean that in a good way.

  • http://www.myspace.com/specialopsbez B-EZ

    Real heads actually mentioning Rick Ross is part of the problem. Dont be part of the problem.

  • rives305

    i still think trick daddy’s book of thugs vol.2 is gonna be better than ross’ port of miami

  • http://www.livejournal.com Rey

    God’s Son was incredible, with the only mis-step being the atrocious Zone Out.

    I liked The Documentary. The Game isn’t trying to be an uber-Rakim lyricist, he’s just rappin’ his raps. He’s still better than 50 (which I know isn’t saying much), and every verse has at least 1 or 2 good lines, which is more than you can say for like 85% of the rap community. Plus you know the beats are gonna be on point.

    As for Dre working with him, even Dre has to notice that G-Unit is over, so backing Fif’ after the whole Game beef would be like betting on the Washington Generals.

    The Doctor’s Advocate should be just as entertaining & bump-worthy as The Documentary.

    Will.I.Am. & his black eyed compatriots should be beaten with sticks in times square by the Wu Tang Clan.

  • the dough

    I’m sorry but I relly don’t see the allure of Rick Ross. I saw one of his videos the other day on BET and I heard him rhyme 22′s with itself like four times. I’m not hating on the South or anything but it just feels like Hip Hop is boring when devoid of clever worldplay. How do people really like that stuff?

  • http://www.myspace.com/specialopsbez B-EZ

    yea G-Units over but 50′s still gatunteed to do 4-5 million worldwide, he just THAT big of an artist now.game disobeyed direct orders from Iovine, that jew couldnt have liked that.Game sold because of his affiliation with Dre AND 50. without 50% of that, you’re left with a serious question of hell ever even come out, much less sell.

  • H-man

    Fuck you

  • MoneyMakin’Mitch

    Isn’t Kanye comin’ out this year??? Y no mention of a Murphy Lee r Chingy album??? This article sucks balls(no TI performance on the BET awards).

  • john cochran

    Young jeezy and rick ross should not have been mentioned. I been waitin on the clipse since forever. It better be worth it. Nas and game have all eyes on them right about now with all their soap opera dramas goin on, so I hope they both got good music to show for it. I would love another cuban links but I doubt it happens. Rea killed the song on busta’s joint.

  • John

    ?

  • jesse only

    Three 6 Mafia without Crunchy Black is still dope as ever. Who gives a flying fuck about Crunchy Black. And talking down on UGK… fuckin’ A you should be educated.

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