Bury me a bag handler

First of all, a special new category has been added to The First Annual Weed Carrier Awards. Hey, Why Weren’t These Guys Nominated? – The Most Glaring Omission From Original List Award. If you haven’t already, you might want to head over there and vote for whoever you feel should’ve been included in the original awards, but wasn’t.

On a more serious note, 2006 has been arguably the most tragic year for the personal assistance industry since the year Elvis died. We’re not even half way through the year, and already three major bag handlers have bought the proverbial farm. At the rate we’re going, this could mean as many as six major doobie rollers dead by year’s end.

That said, it’d be a disservice to the likes of Desmond Hawkins and Joe C to pretend as if all of these deaths were equally as tragic. Here, then, is a list of weed carrier deaths in order of tragic-ness.

  1. Desmond Hawkins. I don’t know that there’s anything more tragic in this life than a weed carrier being killed by his own proprietor. As Lewis Black would say, it’s just not right.
  2. Freaky Tah. I have no idea why Freaky Tah was killed, but the Lost Boyz had two good songs, which makes his death fairly tragic[1].
  3. Joe C. Like many midgets, Kid Rock’s tiny sidekick Joe C suffered from some kind of rare liver disease.
  4. Israel Ramirez. Busta Rhymes’ jewelry handler was tragically gunned down by predicate felon Tony Yayo on the set of the video for the “Touch It” remix earlier this year[2].
  5. Slang Ton. A member of the Outsidaz, who carried for the Fugees back during the Score era, though he may have already been dead at that point. Still that’s a damn good album.
  6. Kadafi. A member of the god-awful 2Pac weed carriers group the Outlaws, who died not too long after ‘Pac did. Which is actually rather romantic when you think about it.
  7. Chip Banks. This dude was a member of American Cream Team, which was sort of like Raekwon’s version of Theodore Unit, except that, in typical Raekwon fashion, they sucked balls.
  8. Philant Johnson. It’s been disputed whether or not he actually threw money in anyone’s face, but at the very least, he was at a party where someone got money thrown in their face.
  9. Proof. Rocking a blood alcohol level of over .300, which is Hank the Angry Drunk Dwarf territory[3], Proof shot a guy over a pool game, and was then shot dead by the guy’s cousin.
  10. Big Hawk. I never heard of this guy, but apparently he used to carry for DJ Screw.

[1] On a not-very-interesting note, some kids from my high school, on a senior trip of some sorts, were staying at the hotel where Freaky Tah bit the dust, back in ’99. Never let it be said that Creve Coeur isn’t somewhat gully.

[2] For legal purposes, it should be noted that it would take more time than I’m willing to spend to actually prove this.

[3] Hank the Angry Drunk Dwarf, from the Howard Stern program, once blew a .500 on a breathalyzer test. His blood was literally mostly alcohol. Perhaps not coincidentally, he’s also dead now. RIP.

  • http://www.unkut.com Robbie

    I totally forgot about the American Cream Team (nullus). Didn’t they change the name to Ice Water Inc. or something?

  • DocZeus

    I salute your general misanthropic nature, Bol.

  • Mikey Ess AKA SukedowN

    I bet at one point, Kid Rock was Joe C’s weed carrier…kinda like like a reverse circle of handling.

    Anyone know of any other reverse circle of handlers???

  • http://www.bookwormbrown.blogspot.com bookworm

    Honorable Mention: Big L carried weed for Lord Finesse. God bless the dead.

  • http://www.bookwormbrown.blogspot.com bookworm

    my bad, this was a list for 06.

  • BELIZE

    Do u intentionally write a good article one day, and a LAMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEe one the other…just wondering BOL

  • http://www.xxlmag.com/?cat=29 noz

    slang died in like 99ish

    only semi related, but you guys consistently neglect to mention that eminem got his start carrying for the outz.

  • Lupe Fiasco

    The Real..
    Lupe Fiasco’s Food & Liqour…
    …coming soon

  • http://www.unkut.com Robbie

    “eminem got his start carrying for the outz”

    ^ Good point.

  • Prodigy

    R.I.P. to all the fallen weed carriers, you will remembered for always completing your carrying duties.

  • Medicine/Science

    BAC is the actual percentage. .500 means that his blood is half a percent alcohol, it’s not a fraction, unlike, say batting average. So Hank was still rolling with 99.5% blood.

    The more you know…

  • http://www.trendsettazinc.com DJ Main Event

    *laughing* i love this ‘weed carrier’ position Bol came out with. I thought it was someone in Yayo’s CREW who shot Iz Ramirez. Lupe, what up! Bol what up!

  • pooh

    this dude is going to hell

  • Combat Jack

    Didn’t Lupe Fiasco carry for Kanghey?

  • JES’ SAYN

    HOW ABOUT SIX DEGREES OF THE DEAD WEED CARRIER…?

  • lone1

    Tony Yayo killed Busta’s bodyguard?

  • ronburgandy

    yeah you really missed a no homo/nullus on American Cream Team.

  • Black LONDON

    Who the Hell is Desmond Hawkins?

  • DCMadeMan

    Why is this dude keep saying that Tony Yayo killed Busta Bodyguard? Bol you’s a dry-snitching faggot,and I hope somebody hit your head for that shit

  • P-Matik

    >I bet at one point, Kid Rock was Joe C’s weed carrier…kinda like like a reverse circle of handling.

    >Anyone know of any other reverse circle of handlers???

    The most famous one would probably be

    Jay-Z carried for Jaz-O in the late 80′s who ended up carrying for Jay-Z in the late 90′s (and eventually getting dissed by Jigga)

  • bol

    OK, I admit it, i’m only here to carry for Elliot.

  • http://stonlegacy.wordpress.com dick dondi

    erbody forgets HEAVY D’S HANDLER: TROUBLE T ROY..”when T.hey R.eminisce O.ver Y.ou.” Hello? one of the few songs to have a classic joint named in his honor

  • bol

    fuck all you jigs. man i wish i was white.

  • Blue over grey

    Wow. BOL you are a fucken idiot. The shit you talked to Bun B got my attention so I have been looking at your posts. YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF BIG HAWK AND YOU THINK YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT BUN B? thats funny shit… I hope you and your entire family dies in a car accident or a fire. It would be like writing about President Bush and not knowing what the Senate was. H A DUBYA K was not a weed carrier or a sidekick or anything of that nature to DJ Screw. DJ Screw had his posse called the SCREWED UP CLICK; HAWK was probably the most respected man in the click. You have shamed yourself, disrespected rap, shit on Houston and Texas and you are never again allowed to talk about the South. You are involved with RAP and you have never heard of HAWK. that is incredibly embarassing. But the even more embarassing thing is that you typed out the name Bun B. But the most embarassing thing of all is that you wrote ABOUT HIM. you don’t know shit about shit. I hope your firstborn child is slowly tortured to death while you have to watch. This just shows that you know as much about rap as my 4 year old cousin. Kill yourself tonight BOL. haha you are the most ignorant writer of any topic on the whole internet

  • Thug-life

    blue over grey

    u gotta chill mahfucker is u on drugs cuz i’ll u trippin u aint allowed 2 say shit like that u is say mad thinhg abot the niggas family that shit aint coool

    L B C

    LONG BEACH IN THA HOUSE

  • angel

    All Eyes on me!!!!!!!

  • angel

    D-TOWN NIGGA

  • game

    I think if yayo killd bustas man thn banks wouldn’t be inda video….. and that shit woulda been blown up in publicity by now… whoever wrote that’s a stupid motherfuckr…

  • http://www.myspace.com/keniver keniver

    money shuts niggas up