He's a pretty muthafucka. Tall and he's got good hair. The type of nigga Wesley Snipes had to pull his sword out on and punch a hole in his hand. His name is Dre. No, not the cat from Cali, who drops albums every six years. No, not the other one. The fat one who used to host Yo MTV Raps!, who I last saw in the green room of ESPN's Cold Pizza. Nah he's Dre, from Cool and Dre, and something about this Floridian newcomer just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
You see quietly this cat has been really leaving his mark and I'm not just referring to his "Hate It or Love It" ever-growing production discography. Not to be on some US Weekly tip and snitch on a brother's personal life but why not. Mr. Handsome has gone from twistin' out the Spanish chick from 106th and Park to becoming Christina Milian's latest conquest (Say it with me fellas: Lucky Bastard!) He even produced her whole album—the whole fuckin' album. But you see it's not just the fact that Dre's new dime piece (I see you Nick Cannon. Stop rappin'.) might be rockin' his TS piece one day, it's that this dude thinks he can have his cake and eat it too.
You see this guy's supposed to be Mr. Terror Squad but he runs around reppin' his label Epidemic (he's got an artist named Dirtbag who rejected Shady to sit on the shelf) and the fucker is technically signed to Violator/Jive. That's right, Violator. As a VP at Jive, Chris Lighty himself gets a piece of his pie. How are you Fat Joe's man and you're in bed with 50's business co-D? Didn't Joey Crack put the kid on in the first place? I'd ask Baby "Papoose is mine too" Chris about all this but he's not really feeling me right now. Maybe my new Busta coverlines were a little too spicy for his taste.
I always thought it was crazy that hit-hungry rappers allowed producers to not take sides in rap beef. What part of the game is that? Isn't the studio where rappers and their entourages get drunk and high and talk their most insidious shit in and out the booth? You think track masters never gossip over the shit they overhear at a typical rowdy recording session? Yeah, right.
Now let's put this all in perspective: You're with Scott Storch in Miami's Hit Factory EQing a record and a week later he's with your enemy mixing his 16's with the hot track you passed up on. That's like me lettin' some kid intern for me 3 times a week and the other 2 days of the week he can go be Julia Beverly's personal intv transcriber and camera holder (there's a great job!). No way, Jose Cartagena.
But back to the main subject here, this cat Dre and his rap dreams. Dude's got Pharrell fever and I can't front—oh I think I like that song about the chick "Naomi" and the other shit with Rick Ross. Both songs are surprisingly good. He's 2 for 2. They both knock and I can't knock the hustle… Fuck it, yes I can. In fact, I think I already did.
P.S. Anyone know the whereabouts of Awesome Dre from Awesome Dre and the Hardcore Committee fame? Someone from Detroit, stand up and shoot YN a kite. Alright.