Act like you knew, like Tucan Sam an' 'em.

In real life, if you get accused of snitching, your life may get taken. In the Internetting world . . . they make grammatically-challenged calls for gang activity in the comments section? And like the rap world, it’s always the dudes who ain’t got nothing to lose that’s prepared to pop off. But, rest assured, children. I been an E junkie in the smoking section for some time now. Salute.*

There’s a lot to process there, so I’ll simplify it by saying: It’s a well-known fact that RapidShare is backed by the Southern drug cartels that launder money through independent labels and turn kittens into bargain-priced fur coats.**

Now, in XXLMAG’s officially-sanctioned, streaming-only, music industry nut-rag Bangers section there have been some songs of note—songs that cannot be found anywhere else while Internetting (unless you know where to look):

The beat moves like two chicks who may not be lesbians dancing, which is not always a good thing (unless they really are tribades, then it’s definitely a good thing). Not necessarily that Chinese New Year I wished for. Not necessarily that eghck-ness. But I can’t front on anything that can possibly bring the greatness that is Nardo Ranks to the Spring Break masses.

The homey DJ Scratch goes diggin’ in the crates while the god of the club takes it back to the times when the gods tested you on your lessons, doo-rags were rocked like Pharoah headdresses and BVD nylons were the wife-beaters and white tees of the day. Not that I've heard every song ever made, but this may very well be the most appropriately-titled song since “Rock Co.Kane Flow.” And, not for nothing, The Big Bang could possibly be a classic.

It’s called “Freeze,” yet the song does anything but. It melts in your mouth, drips between your fingers and leaves wet spots on the mattress. It’s hip-hop to make babies to. Far as I’m concerned, Cool James can make a whole album like this. I wouldn't be mad. At all.


* That’s what you call real recognizing real. Maybe you not familiar.

** You know it’s a fact because you read it while Internetting.