Brown Skin Syndrome

If by the grace of God[dess] I’m fortunate enough and/or able to procreate, I’d actually prefer having a son to a daughter for a few reasons. For starters, it’d keep the family name alive, as I’m the only male in a tribe full of women. I think it’d also be easier keeping my son out of prison than my daughter off the pole. Finally, I know what kind of teenager I was, and how I viewed/lusted after women; I’d go crazy/quasi-violent envisioning teenage boys lusting after my seed that same way.

Furthermore, it’d just be weird having her deal with this silly brown skin syndrome that plagues the rapster/urban community, where nobody’s really happy with anything in regards to skin color, hair texture, anything. Whenever a video drops, as was in the case of Wale’s “Pretty Girls,” the bleeding pants feminist collective took him to task for allegedly not having enough dark butts in the video, as if he filled the damn thing with nothing but bleach blondes. But because of the (in my eyes unnecessary) backlash, Wale had to piece together another video to appease them.

In this case, I don’t think he should have listened to the whims of some spaz-happy YouTube video. I’m would go into a discussion about women who bark all day on the brown paper bag test in society yet won’t do anything to actually fix the situation, but this post isn’t about that. Besides, everybody should know that music videos are not indicative of the urban culture at all. If any part of it were true I’d be scribing off the shores of a beach on Dubai, not freelancing in my living room while still rocking my pajamas.

It’s almost a lose-lose situation: if a song comes out praising women, other women complain that there’s not enough darker women in its accompanying video, but if a video comes out with said darker women in it the song is ass-backwards. The greatest worst thing I saw this week (so far; we still have two more days to muck it up) was the music video for Lil Jon’s “Ms. Chocolate,” a song dedicated to the “darker shade of brown” women of the world, but with “Get Low”-style lyrics. “Brown Skin Lady” it was not, but since it’s 2010 and most of the world is stupid (it’s like Idiocracy is slowly coming to fruition), this, sadly, is as best as we’re gonna get.

To top it off the shit had fucking R. Kelly on it. I mean, R. Kelly? Really? Robert Sylvester Kelly, spokesperson for the chocolate women? Seriously? I mean damn, he’s a reason I don’t want to have any daughters.

If I, as well as some other folks, don’t seem to mind about the skin color of a woman in music videos since we tend to pretty much like every woman of every hue, why the fuck should one person listen to what an apparently butthurt chick (who was rather light-skinted herself, might I add) on the web says? It’s 2010, and people aren’t really working with much in the brain department anymore. Give the rapper an A for effort; at least be happy the women in the video weren’t being sprayed with expensive bum wines.