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So long, BET Uncut

So Robert “Crossroads” Johnson started BET with $15,000 in 1980 (a good year before there was a such thing as an MTV) and sold it 20 years later for $6 gozillion. As Chris Farley would say, whoopty frickin’ do. BET sucks balls and it always has.

You don’t see the crackety-cracks that own MTV selling that shit, now do you? I bet $6 gozillion isn’t even a lot of money for a cable network. I’m sure you could get twice as much for the Food Network. Don’t front like you haven’t jerked off to $40 a Day.

Indeed, with the recent announcement that BET will be canceling BET Uncut, that might actually be your best option if you’re the kind of guy who likes to, um, stay up late.

As I mentioned in a post yesterday on my own site, I never actually watched BET Uncut myself. As much as I could appreciate the concept of rap music accompanied by images of mostly naked women and bizarrely wanton misogyny, the form never seemed to progress much beyond Nelly’s infamous Tip Drill video from 2003.

Perhaps because record labels were loathe to sink too much money into such ridonkulousness, the vast majority of uncut videos were by rappers you wouldn’t give the time of day if they weren’t rapping alongside huge, cellulite-ridden asses. (Granted, the same could be said about the uncut version of 50 Cent’s “Disco Inferno,” a personal favorite.)

But for the most part, the budgets were miniscule, if entirely non-existant, and the videos were hardly watchable, even with the naked pussy. I always had a sneaking suspicion that most of the white girls in uncut videos were actually “latinos” with bad dye jobs. Don’t even get me started on the black chicks.

Indeed if there’s a positive spin to BET cancelling Uncut, it’s that it may ether the nascent genre of strip club music in utero, not unlike Drew Barrymore’s children. For all we know, if there was never a BET Uncut in the first place, maybe there never would’ve been a “Laffy Taffy,” or a “Chicken Noodle Soup.”

Instead of trying to convince BET to bring back Uncut, maybe we should try to talk MTV2 into creating its own version of the show. Who among us wouldn’t enjoy an uncut version of the Hold Steady’s “Banging Camp.” If you have no idea what I’m talking about, raise your hand anyway. That shit would be awesome.

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