Why Southern Hip-Hop Just Got A Lot Worse…

I was looking at a regional map of the United States for informational purposes and I saw that Texas wasn’t actually part of the southern region. The south ends with Louisiana. So if all the rappers from Texas that have been killing shit for the last few years are removed from the southern bracket how many official emcees would that give us from the south? T.I.,Young Buck, Andre, Big Boi, Jeezy on a real good day and… Shamrock?!? The south just lost the regional rap competition.

I mean honestly, Texas rappers were the only reason that people could have said that the south was on top of the game and now that we find that Texas is part of the midwest bracket it puts the south region at the back of the bus. Since this is still February and therefore technically still Black History Month then it shouldn’t be a problem for sothern region rap fans to ride the back of the bus anyhoo. Freedom Riders anyone?

I know what y’all are gonna say now, “Prove to me why the south is holding down the last slot in the regional rap competition. I have every UNK album and Get Rich Clique mixtape evar and they are the shit!” I don’t knock southern region rap fans for being passionate about their music but it’s gotten to the point that every song coming from that region has these four words – candy paint, panky rangs. Are those even words? What is true is that tons of rap music is sold in this region. What is sad is that ‘Hooked on Phonics’, not so much. Here’s a quick little guide to see where your favorite region stacks up before the big dance jumps off.

North East – This is still the strongest bracket in regional rap competition because they set the trends for lyrical flows and lead in overall categories like arrests for artists, lawsuits and deaths (R.I.P. Notorious). These are hardbody Hip-Hop categories that aren’t diminished due to lack of sales and radio airplay. Fifty Cent and Cam'Ron's beef has been the only interesting rap related story in 2007. Grammy who?!?

Mid West – Not as strong as the N.E. is lyrically but certainly the most hardbody region since Texas leads the U.S. in prisoner executions and St. Louis, Missouri is the current U.S. murder capital by slightly outpacing Detroit. The fact that ClearChannel Corp. is based in Texas could be viewed as home court advantage for securing the radio airwaves.

West – The West isn’t as strong as it had been several years ago but then again, it’s only California that holds it down for this region. Oregon, Utah, Montana and Wyoming are basically just tax write offs. The hyphy movement gives this region enough points to put it above the South. Ghostriding the whip is way more hardbody than walking it out.

South – When the best rapper from this region is more famous for kissing men on the lips, and shitting on the regions’ number one mixtape deejay I’d say that something stinks in New Orleans, and it’s not just the dead people that they have refused to clean up, The south has been claiming the number one position in the regional rap competition since Trina replaced Lil’ Kim as the rapper most likely to give you the clap (and we aren’t talking about applause). I’m still not seeing it. T.I. might lead all other rappers in the number of car commercials he’s filmed, but everyone knows that without gas a car goes nowhere. Texas has that oil boys, and without Texas the south is lost.