When I heard that Kanye West canceled GOOD Friday this week, because someone leaked that song he did with Bon Iver (the one from the actual album, not the throwaway for mixtapes, though it sounds equally as retarded to me), I was gonna joke that the white guy from 2dopeboyz hacked into his email. But the I saw the post here in which my esteemed colleague Meka, the black guy from 2dopeboyz (they should do a buddy comedy), insinuated that he been had Dark Twisted Fantasy, on some Jose Hustle shit, and it didn't seem so far fetched. Damn.

But I don't think the white guy from 2dopeboyz hacked into Kanye's email. No reason for Kanye to stop off in Las Vegas, on the way to one of his teh ghey fashion shows, and jump off in his ass, or whatever the Chi-town terminology is for laying the smack down. Jumping off in one's ass is what Lupe used, back when we were having our issues with one another (turns out he wasn't kidding!), but I don't know if that's more of a Chi-town thing or more of a Muslim thing. These militant groups have been known to use sexual punishment as a tool to keep people in line - but not for their own personal amusement, or anything. For example, Huey P Newton once fucked Bobby Seale in the ass so hard he had to have it surgically repaired. I did a post on it on my own site, back in like '05. Bobby Seale now has his own line of barbecue sauce. It' must have something to do with machismo. It's cool to be manly (no homo), especially in this day and age, but there is a such thing as taking it too far. At a certain point, it's actually kinda teh ghey. (It's more or less the reason why I don't enjoy pr0n with overly muscular guys. As much. [||]) Take for example Mexicans, who invented the term machismo. It's a known fact that in Mexico, it's not considered teh ghey to fuck another guy in the ass. As long as you're the top. I heard about it on Adam Carolla, and he should know. He was the co-host of Loveline for like, nine years, which makes him a medical professional for all intents and purposes.

I happen to remember reading, a while back, about how a group of haX0rs over in some furrin country supposedly got Dark Twisted Fantasy from Hype Williams. Kanye must have sent Hype the album, so he could start picking out which fish eye lenses he felt were appropriate and what have you, and the software he uses wasn't secure enough. He was still using Windows 98. Because that's the last time he was relevant. Roffle. I remember seeing the screen caps of Hype's desktop and everything, over on Miss Info or somewhere. It's a good thing he didn't happen to have any weird pr0n. Not that pr0n itself is such a big deal. Pretty much everyone watches pr0n, except Noz - and you guys know Noz isn't right. But there's certain things you admit to on the Internets, and there's certain things you don't need the rest of the world to know about. No R Kelly. As Noz recently pointed out on his Tumblr, which has nothing but rap music on it (hmm...), the tracklisting in those screencaps appears to have been accurate. Something like five or six of those songs have turned up either on GOOD Fridays or as actual singles.

All of which begs the question: what the fuck is going on here? If those haX0rs stole the album way back at the beginning of the summer or whatever, how come they haven't uploaded it to mediafire or whatever (I heard that's the name of an illegal download site) and posted a link to it somewhere. Are they trying to hold the album hostage? Like, if Kanye doesn't wire money to a Swiss bank account (where they keep Holocaust victims' teeth) by a certain date, the album will hit the Internets before its release date, and all that hard work and prostrating himself will have been for naught. That's what I'd do, if I had the tools and the talent to steal one of these rappers' album way before it hit stores, and it was someone I thought needed to be taught a lesson. It's not like they have to worry about 5-0 finding out where they are. They're haX0rs. 5-0 can't even find semi-retarded kids who steal car stereos on the same block where they live (because Ray Ray told them to, natch). Maybe there is such a deal in place, and that's why Kanye seemed so surprised when the song with Bon Iver hit the Internets. He thought he'd paid these guys off.

Pretty much anything can be explained through wild conjecture.