Dear Mr. Club DJ,

It's not often that I write letters to people. Most times, I prefer to talk to people face to face when given the opportunity. But since you work in a very loud environment, I figured this would be the best way to reach you.

I was hesitant to write you because I didn't want to feel like I was rushing judgment on your job performance. I hardly even go to clubs anymore, so I didn't want to assume that each of the last few times I've gone, you were playing the same music. I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, it was pure coincidence.

But still, after hearing the music you were playing this past weekend, I just felt compelled to write you about this. I have a question:

Why is it that every time you come to the part of the night where you do your "Pimp C tribute" you play the same 4 songs?

Granted, I love "Take It Off," "Let Me See It," "Big Pimpin'" and "International Players Anthem" but, are those the only UGK songs that you know? I understand that you have to keep the crowd going and you have to segue and blend your selections, but why do you only play these four songs.

Surely, these are not the only UGK songs that can get some burn in the club are they? Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that you drop the needle on "One Day" or anything like that. Its a great song, but I can see how it may be a little too depressing for the club. Nor am I implying that you play a song like "Left It Wet" just for the hell of it. But c'mon, you're a DJ. If you know 4 UGK songs, I'm hoping that you would know at least 4 more.

I have some suggestions, I hope you find them helpful.

"Break 'Em Off Something"--When I was a teenager, this song would get the crowd going as soon as the beat started. That "dooooot dooooot doooooooooooot" was a signal that it was time to report to the dancefloor. Its always going to be up for grabs whether or not the people will nod or bounce, but movement is almost guaranteed.

"Murder"--Next to Triple Six's "Tear The Club Up" this has to be one of the crunkest songs ever! I am willing to bet money that everybody in the club will scream "IM STILL PIMP C BITCH!" when the song starts. I'm also confident in saying that damn near 85% of the crowd will rap Bun B's verse from beginning to end. If not that, at least the "flyin' through yo' Pelle Pelle...smelly red jelly" part.

"Pocket Full of Stones"--I know I know, its not the most uptempo track in the world, but you can speed it up a little bit and get a great response. Hell, you do it every time you play "Big Pimpin'" why not with this song?

"Front, Back and Side to Side"--I remember you playing the shit out of the T.I. version when it dropped. Can you please start playing the original? Its only right. The same way people scream "smokin' out, pourin' up," I'm sure they'll scream "never let hoe ass niggas riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!"

"Pourin' Up"--oh yeah, since I brought it up. See about mixing this in the set every once in a while. I know its not one of his most popular joints, but it still jams. You don't even have to play the whole song, just slip Pimp's verse in between songs.

"Get Throwed"--Man. This song was just the shit 3 years ago. It ain't old enough to get retired just yet. Dust this mug off and give a spin.

"Supposed To Bubble"--Every other song you play is about popping bottles and flossing, why not play this joint? Its still the jam. And if you're spinning in D.C. you can even go into that old Questionmark Asylum if you're really on a roll.

I don't want to take up all of your time with my little suggestions. I don't want you to feel like I'm telling you how to do your job. So I'll stop here. I mean, if you got a paying gig, you must know what you're doing. Plus, I'm just a writer who used to DJ at a Black college in the South. What do I know?

Who am I to expect to hear "Playas Down South" or "Woodwheel" in the club like I did when I'd visit Augusta, GA? Who am I to expect to hear "Tell Me Something Good" when you shout "where are all of my Pimp C fans?!?!" Sorry for complaining. Thanks for reading. I should probably just listen to my CDs at home.


Maurice G. Garland