Never pick a fight with a man who buys his ink by the barrel.

-Mark Twain (right?)

You know what would suck balls? If you and your crew went to beat the shit out of a guy, but instead of that happening, the guy ended up punching you in the face twice, and then 50 Cent posted a story about it on his blog for the world to laugh at you.

Supposedly, this is what happened to Fat Joe this weekend, but I'm not sure if I'm buying it, for a few reasons.

The first and most obvious reason we shouldn't necessarily believe any of this, is that the main place it's being reported is Fiddy Cent's social networking site ThisIsFiddy. And you know Fiddy Cent and Fat Joe stay beefing with one another.

A few weeks ago, ThisIsFiddy posted a cover of Hip-Hop Weekly, in which Benzino suggests that he ran up in Fat Joe's wife, but that turned out to be BS. (Or so Fat Joe is claiming.) So what's there to suggest that this isn't as well?

However, where as the Benzino's Confessions incident turned out to be mostly BS, in that there was no such issue of Hip-Hop Weekly, I'm assuming there is some truth to this incident, in that there actually was a confrontation.

It probably just didn't go down the way Fiddy is claiming.

Supposedly, Fat Joe was pissed off about the fact that Papoose was on a radio show where Fiddy was talking shit about him - not that Papoose actually said anything about Fat Joe, just that he was on the show. Which sounds like some typical, petty rapper bullshit, and hence is entirely believable.

So Fat Joe and nine of his best friends were gonna go have a talk with Papoose, in a motherfucking Holiday Inn, in North Carolina, before one of these god-awful LCD rap package tours.

To hear ThisIsFiddy tell it, Fat Joe had Cassidy set Papoose up. Or rather, Fat Joe and his crew just so happened to bust into Cassidy's room not too long after Cassidy had talked Papoose into coming down there to have some important discussion.

At which point Fat Joe was like, "I hear you had a problem with me." To which Papoose was like, "No, I heard you were the one with the problem." And then Papoose punched Fat Joe in the face twice, and then the Holiday Inn broke the shit up until the police could get there.

Um, yeah.

Again, I doubt necessarily doubt that this part of the story took place in some form or another, but here's a few issues I have with Fiddy Cent's version of the events.

First of all, what's Cassidy have to do with this incident? Why would Fat Joe need Cassidy to set Papoose up like that, and why would Cassidy even agree to some shit like that? How come Fat Joe couldn't just go up to Papoose's room and beat him up there?

It seems likely to me that Fiddy just inserted Cassidy, who also happens to be on this tour, into this story, because he doesn't like Cassidy, probably because he's insecure about the fact that Cassidy's a superior rapper. (For what it's worth.)

Also, special inside sources (perhaps with the Chinese Secret Police) told Miss Info that Cassidy didn't have shit to do with this. This shit took place on a floor where a bunch of people were staying, besides just Cassidy.

Another issue I'd have with Fiddy's version of the events has to do with logistics. Namely, how in the fuck did Fat Joe (they don't call him fat for no reason) show up with nine people (or five or whatever), but the only thing that happened was that Fat Joe got punched in the face twice?

Papoose does look kinda skinny and otherworldly, but I'm at a loss for how he could even get away with some shit like that without one of Fat Joe's goons grabbing him and beating the shit out of him. Is he a ninja?

Again, it seems more likely that Fat Joe's crew roughed up Papoose and his DJ (who may or may not have been taken to a hospital), or maybe they all kinda roughed up each other.

Or maybe there was no physical altercation. If you notice, there doesn't seem to be any police record of this incident, despite the there were a few famous rappers involved. And despite the fact that the police were called to the scene, even in Fiddy's version of the events.

For all we know, Fiddy could just be making this shit up. Either way, I'd say it's Fiddy who emerges victorious in all this. Not Papoose, or Fat Joe. His site was the one that broke the story, so his version has become the official story. By the time the real story ever emerges, if it ever does, probably no one will even give a shit.

Meanwhile, Fiddy was probably off somewhere this weekend balls deep in some stripper. I wonder if he even has any input into ThisIsFiddy, or if he just pays the same African that does Media Take Out to come up with this shit.

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