Cash Money Is an Army

I thought they didn’t allow pets in the [A] Milli-terry, but Bow Wow’s apparently found a place next to a Tyga. I’m just wondering if that moves the money eater another place down on the depth chart or will Prince Bow have to Michael Vick his way back to the top.

Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong. Could Cash Money be more like the rehabilitation center for abused puppies instead of a breeding ground for child souljas?

Some of the other bloggers ‘round here don’t care too much for the Wang, but Ron Mexico sure as shit does. No nullus. I fucks with the fecophile. I been had fucks with that syrupy little gremlin since Hot Boys, and not because he was a child soulja, but because he was a dope lyricist and performer. I hear Drake is Paul fucking Robeson; Tyga gains valuable internship experience toweling the sperm off of video girls; and the Mack Maine/Harlemlantavegas’ own Jae Millz duo rounds out a formidable hip-pop boy band roster.

I was curious about a Young Money group album until the thought that Bow Wow could come along and destroy every track he douches onto. As we and the good slave masters at his previous label already know, Prince Bow has never been anything more than a sock puppet waiting on the next hand.

Maybe that’s what will make him a great soulja. I hear the [A] Milli-terry don’t fucks with the whole thinking for yourself thing.

By this principle, how does Freeway fit into the ranks? I know he’s been discriminated against for being a Mooselamb, because he tells racial injustice tales consisting of Dominican TSA workers giving him shit for praying in an airport. [Blogger’s Note: Bless his complex internal rhyme scheme-filled heart for not knowing how to describe discrimination or injustice with any term other than racism.] My point for bringing this up is that Freeway seems like he’s got a whole lot of resentment in his heart for establishment and what not. He’s got scruples and shit. Free won’t smoke a blunt or drink alcohol on the night shift anymore. He won’t even sell the crack to just anyone. If you’re pregnant, expect to get kicked off Freeway’s line. He don’t need that shit on his mind.

I can’t see Freeway taking to kindly to chaperoning Lil’ Wayne’s post-amusement park trips to Wal-Mart for industrial-size bottles of NyQuil and Hawaiian Punch and/or Popeye’s for the white devil’s red beans and rice.

[Blogger’s Note: There’s swine in that delicious red beans and rice. No, I haven’t investigated. I can just tell. A nigga just knows when there’s some po’k around. It’s a sixth sense. I just wonder why we got that extrasensory perception instead of an instinct that keeps us in school and out of prison.]

Cash Money’s gotta really be an army to steal Freeway from the Purple Raining mens over at Rhymesayers. If Slug calls Musab the whole playground will get robbed. Baby and Slim are treading into some serious uncharted territory here. One side of the street is Malone’s Funeral Home and the other side is a library.

Try very hard to picture this shit.

I guess none of this is as crazy as Birdman on a Rhymesayers project, right? What is the world coming to when the one true mecca of real hip-hop—Minneapolis, for those who didn’t know—isn’t safe from the likes of “niggas be sizin’ niggas.”

Wait… this might be the most brilliant military operation evarr. Hold on a moment…

When that Freeway and Jake One’s Stimulus Package album hits the shelves containing traces of Birdman and unsuspecting true hip-hop believers are all poisoned to death, the Cash Money army can Trojan horse its way into the coffee shops and patchouli-scented thrift shops of America.

It's kinda like Birdman is a sleeper cell or what have you… but in reverse, because Cash Money is the good guys. And don’t worry about Jay Sean. Just because he’s obviously of terrorist descent doesn’t mean he can’t be customer service and tech support, right?

Questions? Comments? Requests? Draft me! I wanna fight for my country, jump in the Humvee and murder those monkeys! ron@ronmexicocity.com

Dey wunt een much pleen witcha, li'deddy!