By now, you’ve heard the news: On April 4, radio host Don Imus made the extremely offensive comments wherein he referred to members of the Rutgers women’s basketball squad as “nappy-headed hoes.” After public outcry, the shock jock defensively insisted that it was okay for him to use those words since it’s fine in rap. As if…

Somehow, the disrespectful sayings of an old White man have caused a sudden attack on hip-hop, and Rev. Al Sharpton and his crew have been leading the mission. Even Russell Simmons and the Hip-Hop Action Network have bowed down to the Rev., releasing a statement encouraging labels to censor rappers from using the words “nigga,” “bitch” and “hoe.”

The whole thing has caused quite an uproar. Oprah used the occasion to hold a two-day forum exploring issues in hip-hop with guests like Russell, Ben Chavis and Common. Cam’ron appeared on 60 Minutes with CNN anchor Anderson Cooper to discuss the concept of “no snitching” (sooo one year ago), stating that he wouldn’t even notify police if a serial killer lived next door to him. Ice-T wasn’t so impressed with the rapper’s statements, and called him out. The rapper turned actor also insisted he would never stop saying those three lil’ words. Bun B was photographed sporting a “Don Imus is a nappy-headed hoe” T-shirt, and Snoop Dogg responded to Imus’ comments by clarifying that rappers’ hoes are actually “hoes that’s in the hood that ain’t doing shit.” Thanks, Snoop!

With rap under attack, XXL has drawn up a five-point course of action to counter the assault.

1. Organize a Million Rapper March from New York City to ATL’s Magic City (you can even throw an after-party) led by Snoop Dogg and Common. The Doggfather can then give a speech explaining the subtle nuances between different types of bitches and hoes and why he don’t love ’em, while Common speaks on practicing safe mind sex.

2. Enlist Bun B to create a “We Are the World”–type collabo record featuring Fat Joe, Rick Ross, Lil Wayne, Andre 3000, Juelz Santana, R. Kelly and Akon. Recruit DJ Unk (Yung Joc as a backup) to create a signature dance—Come on, do the hip, hop!

3. Nominate Ice-T to replace Cam’ron as the official spokesperson for hip-hop. Apparently, Ice thinks Cam isn’t the most reliable source, having called his 60 Minutes appearance a “bad move.” (Um, has he seen Coco’s outfits lately?)

4. In response to the proposed three-word ban, initiate a campaign to ban mainstream media from using the rap terms “bling-bling,” “crunk,” “Fiddy” and any word ending in “-izzle.” News organizations must also stop referring to R&B singers as rappers whenever they get in trouble.

5. Just get Jay-Z on the case—look at what he did to Cristal.