When we heard that media darling Lil’ Kim would be releasing an authorized memoir, The Price of Loyalty, we thought, why not? Every rapper and their mama (seriously, Kanye’s mom wrote a book, people) have had their stories printed, bound and hardcovered, whether they’ve deserved it or not.
To help the book companies out and to halt the progression of any unnecessary projects that won’t get read, we’ve made a list of a few books we’d take the time to read one day, but only if we get the nitty-gritty, not the rated-PG version. Note to future publishers: Please don’t go the DMX route and give us only what happened before they were famous. We want postsuccess stories, folks. Give up the goods.
DIPSET: THE ORAL HISTORY—PAUSE, NO HOMO
If the crew could stop shooting Web videos long enough to do a biography, it’d be dopity dope (that’s Dip speak, fools). With all the beef they’ve endured individually and collectively (Jay-Z, 50 Cent, Ma$e…), their endless quotables and original vocab, and their scenes at Rucker Park, this book would definitely be a page-turner.
IT’S ME, BITCHES! THE LIFE & TIMES OF INGA MARCHAND
Right now, the release of Foxy’s much hyped and long-delayed Black Roses album is about as realistic as the Fugees reunion LP. Yet, there’s plenty for the Ill Na Na to discuss. Like, what’s up with the Naomi-style wig-outs? Why did she and Kim ever fall out? What was her real relationship with Jay-Z and DMX? Is she really deaf? Who the fuck is her stylist? Inquiring rap minds want to know.
We think we know every detail of Diddy’s life (thanks, YouTube), but we have no idea. We forget, Puff’s hip-hop lineage goes back (way before the invention of the remix), and a bio seems overdue. The Proactiv peddler has plenty to illuminate on—from the birth of Bad Boy, to Biggie and 2Pac, to Ma$e, to Shyne, to Yung Joc, and everything in between. He’ll definitely need the right ghostwriter, though.
THE BLUEPRINT TO A DYNASTY
Even with his revealing rhymes and truckloads of press, much about Jigga Man remains an enigma. Perhaps a real biography would provide more insight on the Marcy-bred hustler’s childhood, the Dame squabbles, rumors of a hidden child and that girl who won’t stop throwing up the Dynasty sign.
An unauthorized Dre bio is already floating around, but we’d like to know what’s really going on inside the good ole Doc’s head—from his N.W.A and Death Row days, to running with Em and 50, to dodging The Game’s phone calls. Will Dre’s true bio see the light of day? Check back in a decade or two.