[Editor's Note: "Blogger's Note" has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]

“–If you claimin’ millis you ain’t got
this red dot is on your forehead.
My middle name is “More Bread”
And my last name is “Than Your Bread.”
Get it? Whether I sing it or I spit it, I deliver.
Resting comfortably on H-figures.
Get the picture.
You do not pick a streetfight with Floyd Mayweather.
You don’t do it.” –Ne-Yo, “A Milli” freestyle diss to Chris Brown

–And they say hip-hop is dead.

Damn, it’s been like non-rapper battle dome week so far. You would think I’ve been sweeping the cutting room floor of a new VH1 CelebRap Battle program. (I’m still waiting for a Kobe response over “You Can’t Stop the Reign.” Don’t disappoint me, Mamba!)

It is official. Everyone has rapped over the “A Milli” beat now. Jay-Z, Cory “Mario Wallet” Gunz, Barack Obama… now Chris Brown and Ne-Yo finally get after it.

Spring 2008 culminated as if “drop ‘A Milli’ freestyle” was magically inserted into every black person’s planner. Did I miss that Oprah episode? Maybe she’s putting it into her famous friends’ ears at parties and shit.

Jay-Z: What it be, O?
Oprah: Jay! Hey, darling. How’s everything? How’s my Bee?!
Jay-Z: She cool. I’m cool. Cool. *winces* I actually came over to talk to you about something.
Oprah: What’s the problem, babe?
Jay-Z: I-I… *whining* I’m not really feelin’ like my swagger is so fresh right now.
Oprah: *leans in close to Jigga* You know what I think? “A Milli” freestyle.
Jay-Z: *pauses to think* *smiles* Sweeeeeet! <with butchered Australian accent>

I guess game got passed around to Ne-Yo somehow. (I’d feel much better if I could blame Oprah for this weak-ass verse.) Actually, he starts to sounds like Kanye after a while. It’s kind of freaky.

Oh, my damn. Ne-Yo just had himself a “Kanye Moment!” This verse is a full-on B.F. So this is what bitch fits look like when you’re rich. I hope he’s not turning before our very eyes. We don’t need these things to spawn. Shit would be like 28 Days Later with everyone on earth hyper-evolving into assholes.

Is Ne-Yo-licious getting lonely or something? The very premise of this battle shit seems quite un-gentlemanly.

Given the lack of respect for rap as a form of art throughout the world music community, I find it hilarious how non-rappers continually embarrass themselves trying to do ride a beat.

I do respect that he did this without a plastic dick in his mouth. I’m putting special stickers on all “plastic dick-free” tracks from now on. (I’ll gladly provide that free service for readers who require a PDF diet.)

I’m not taking anything away from Ne-Yo. He’s on fire with the sexy-flexy love songs right now. Even within his R&B realm, is he Floyd Mayweather? Ummmm, nigga might be Don Flamenco. He’s having quite a run, but I don’t believe he’s the pound-for-pound best in the world.

Can’t be sayin shit like that when Black Zorro is free to terrorize the high schools again. Real Talk.

If Ne-Yo has a problem with Chris Brown shouldn’t these niggas be having a sang-off? Maybe a pop-locking contest? A Mike Jack-off? No Nullus.

Shit, maybe 50 Cent and T.I. should toe-wop it out over “Because of You.”

Negro, please.

Ne-Yo need to be worrying about how to get that hairline back to ground zero. Bad things will come if he takes his eye off the ball and continues to Etherize himself with these Kanye verses.

Ne-Yo:

If you really want to fuck with Chris Brown, you should just write his next #1 record. Sell that shit to his label with a bow and a note attached. I couldn’t think of anything more searing than him having to sing some Ne-Yo lyrics to his little Klingon princess. Don’t fight it out on these terms. I heard Chris Brown’s “A Milli.” That shit go way harder than this.

If you lose a rap battle to Chris Brown you’re fucking finished. An obviously grown man with a fully-receded hairline can’t let Chris Brown take his cookies.

I sure hope we can get through this week without anymore damn CelebRap Battles. I’d rather my 3am television binge be mostly devoted to a 4-episode block of “Ninja Warrior.”

Questions? Comments? Requests? I love me some Sasuke. ron@ronmexicocity.com

Share: