If it wasn’t already clear that Lil Kim is desperate for money, and that’s the main reason she’s trying to beef with Nicki Minaj, it should be now that she’s trying to charge money for some mixtape that I’d never, ever listen to for free. Unless she agreed to give me a blowski.
That might be a value-added proposition she should look into, if she really is that hard up for money. Imagine, if you could pay a certain amount of money, and in addition to the new, godawful Lil Kim mixtape, she’d also go down on you. She could charge way more than the $9.99 she’s charging for this mixtape, and it would still be worth it, not necessarily because it would be such a good blowski, though I’m sure it would be (technique comes from experience), but for the novelty of receiving a knob shine from one of the top female rappers of the 1990s, the same chick who once blew Biggie Smalls. It’s the next logical step in a career that began with her pasting huge pictures of her crotch all over the city, and then escalated to bragging about her ability to deep throat a Sprite can. (Don’t let me find out that was paid product placement.) And it’s becoming a popular move for artists these down to offer a little something extra with the price of a digital download, which in itself is kinda worthless. Trent Reznor, for example, made enough money selling random throwaways from the past few Nine Inch Nails albums, in a big, fancy box, that he just said fuck it, he can afford to not go on tour anymore. From now on, he’ll just focus on providing the scores to David Fincher movies, which are probably made up from those same throwaways. Radiohead is about to make a mint from the deluxe packaging of its new album, King of Limbs, or whatever it’s called. (Do they realize that looks so much like Kings of Leon?) i started to read the list of shit it comes with, over at P-fork, but it was way too long, and it’s not like I’m about to shell out for it anyway. I couldn’t anyway, if I wanted to (via poverty). I just hope there’s that option of paying whatever you want for the mp3s, like with In Rainbows, so I can get it for free.
But I digress.
I’ll admit, I haven’t read up on this Lil Kim mixtape. I tried to read up on it in this site’s news section, but they didn’t have anything on it. Or maybe they did, and it just got buried beneath shit that looks suspiciously like free promo. I only heard about it a few hours ago on Black People Twitter. And then I saw where someone tried to click on a link to download it, I’m sure just out of morbid curiosity, and apparently it takes you straight to a PayPal account, probably an account linked to Lil Kim’s own personal email address. I can’t imagine a major label would actually assist an artist in setting up a PayPal account to charge $10 for a mixtape talking shit about the current most popular artist in the country. Maybe the late, great Sickamore would have come up with some shit like that back when he was at Atlantic, but he hasn’t been there in years. I was reminded of him just now when I saw that that Saigon album is now something you can pay to download, if that’s what you’re into. I wonder if he’s still listed as a producer or whatever on the back cover. Or did they not bother pressing up any actual CDs? It would almost be worth copping this Lil Kim mixtape on CD, if only for the ridonkulous Nicki Minaj snuff artwork, similar to how I still have a copy of Ill Na Na somewhere in my basement, that I might have to dig up one of these days for old time’s sake (via Freddie Jackson), but you can get the album cover for free, via Google image search. Similarly, I wonder if Lil Kim has taken any measures towards preventing someone from getting a digital copy of this mixtape and uploading it to one of these filesharing sites for the world to steal, OnSmash-style. Is there even a way to prevent that? If there was, I’m sure BangBros would have implemented it a long time ago. Lord knows they’ve lost a lot of money over the years, just from myself. And at least they’ve got a worthwhile product. Lil Kim might not make very much money at all on this mixtape. She might want to seriously consider that mouth hug package I half-jokingly mentioned above.