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Cheez whiz > cauliflower > Wiz Khalifa

It was one thing when Wiz Khalifa was getting pulled over with enough weed to supply Burning Man, and he didn’t have the sense to say that it belonged to one of the guys who bring him his scarves and water, for when his brow gets sweaty and his throat gets parched. I heard he’s managing to sell out shows all over America, even though most people have never heard of him, so I’m sure he’s got enough money to make it as if that never happened. If he continues to come up with songs that white girls who don’t know from rap music (my favorite kind) like, I could see him having a career similar to Snoop Dogg, where he gets busted damn near as often as DMX, but mostly just for weed, and he never seems to go to jail. (Though of course Suge Knight would argue that that’s because Snoop Dogg has been telling on people.) He might want to seriously consider leaving Pittsburgh – which seems, on TV at least, like the kind of place where they actually play “Born to Run” every Friday at Miller Time – for California, where they don’t seem to care about weed. It’s only legal if you can get a prescription from your doctor, for your anxiety (due to the fact that weed is illegal), but i wonder how many people actually get busted for smoking weed without a prescription. It’s probably not as much of an issue there as it is in New York, where it’s necessary to bust people for Having Weed in Your Pocket While Black, to keep the streets safe for tourism.

But I digress.

Anyway, like I was saying, I’m not as concerned with Wiz Khalifa doing hard time for weed as I am with effect that it seems to be having on his judgment. He seems to be making a lot of bad decisions, and I’d hate see him end up, say, 10 or 15 years from now in the same place Nas in today, i.e. in debt up to his eyeballs to the IRS, long since out of good ideas, and the father to a kid with a ridonkulous name, with a woman who probably giving it out all over town and yet somehow still managed to take him to the cleaners. In addition to the pot bust, I see that Wiz Khalifa is being linked to a Joe Budden-like number of women who aren’t worth a shit. Which is not to say that I wouldn’t work them over, if given the opportunity. And, to his credit, it could be that he’s being set up with these women for PR purposes, Drake-style, to make it seem as if he gets a lot of pussy, when the truth of the matter is that he can’t get much of a rod, from all of that weed he smokes, even though he’s only like 22. (Nullus on speculating on another guy’s rod, or lack thereof.) If I had the number one song in the country, I’d purposely show up to parties stone sober, the better to be able to talk chicks into letting me have my way with them, and then actually be able to do it. Supposedly, that’s why Ted Nugent didn’t fuck with drugs and alcohol – though I heard that’s BS. Ever heard that song “Journey to the Center of the Mind?” Ever heard that song “Journey to the Center of the Mind”… on weed?

The saddest thing to watch has been the way Wiz Khalifa let Lil Wayne pwn him during this past Super Bowl weekend, taking his first real hit, which, serendipitously, was reaching the absolute height of its popularity right as the Steelers made it to the Super Bowl (and maybe due in part to the fact that the Steelers made it to the Super Bowl), and pulling a superior version seemingly out of his ass. Then the Green Bay Packers ended up winning, making Lil Wayne seem like even more of a genius. Not only had he come up with a ridonkulously cheap and novel way to get a shedload of radio spins and media buzz, at a time when he needed a hit like a crackhead needs a hit, but he also picked the right team. His “father” supposedly won a million dollar bet he placed, which he of course used to buy a car that cost a million dollars (or at least that what someone told him). That fucker! I don’t buy for a minute that Lil Wayne was such a big fan of the Green Bay Packers, until he saw an opportunity to add his name to the litany of bum rappers submitting their own version of “Black and Yellow.” Has anyone ever seen him in a Brett Favruh jersey, or one of those dumbass cheese hats? Who ever even heard of a black man being that into Green Bay. I checked the world’s most accurate encyclopedia just now, and it says that Green Bay is only 1.38% black. That’s even less than the college I went to, if you count the African kids. If I were Wiz Khalifa, I’d be highly upset.

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