Worst I ever saw

I would never send a chick a picture of my peen, if only because I figure if a chick needs to have a look at it, she can have a look at it the old fashioned way, i.e. in 3D, like United Airlines Flight 175 smacking into the South Tower of the World Trade Center. But if I did, I wouldn’t worry about it making its way to the Internets, where other chicks might see it. As far as I’m concerned, the more chicks that see it, the merrier. You’d like for them to get a look at it the old fashioned way, but what are you gonna do? Similarly, there’s always the risk of teh ghey guys jerking off to it (nullus), but it’s not like you can control what teh ghey guys jerk off to. The Mormon Church can control whether or not teh ghey people can get married, which teh ghey people of course respond to by accusing black people of being homophobes, but that’s about it. For all I know, some fruit could be rubbing one out to that post I did a while back, on Lil B watching pr0n, interactively, in a room with other guys, as we speak.

*shudders at the thought*

If I ever do decide to get into “sexting,” I’ll have to remember to make sure to only send out pictures of my schlong, and not pictures of my nasty gut and pube region [||], like these pictures Drake supposedly sent one of his jumps – perhaps that video ho in the gold lamé Ashley Stewart stretch pants that Drake was supposedly banging around the time Thank Me Later came out, in an effort to appear more straight. The other day, there was a video of her busting a few yoga moves on her living room floor, like a broke Rosa Acosta, that I posted on my own site. You might want to have a look at it. She has the kind of body I’d like to saddle up behind and ride off into the metaphorical sunset, like brothers in the ghetto, who aren’t as concerned with how a girl’s face looks. That’s not generally my thing, but every once in a while there is a girl who manages to bring out my inner Sir Mix a Lot.

These pics Drake sent out don’t actually include a shot of his junk, as far as I know. No homo. For a minute there, my concern was that I was gonna have to pull one of those moves where I only glanced at this video of my esteemed colleague Charlemagne the God skewering Drake (no fishsticks) long enough to confirm that Drake really is out here emailing girls (supposedly) pictures of his junk, and then immediately look the other way, risking a potential neck injury to go along with all of the parts of my body that I’ve managed to fuck the fuck up without hardly doing anything athletic. Drake seems more concerned with showing off the fact that he’s tastefully trimmed the hair in the region directly below the salmon-on-a-bagel sandwich baby he appears to be carrying, like a teh ghey guy would. It makes me wonder if these pics were purposely solicited by a video ho, or if this was his own idea.

I’m gonna have to assume the latter, and here’s why. If I’m Drake, why should I care if my nether regions have been properly manscaped (no Morehouse) any more than I apparently care about my physique? If a chick told me she needed me to email her a picture of my happy trail, to make sure the weeds aren’t overgrown thus obscuring the path to the lake (to thoroughly abuse a metaphor), I’d email her a picture of my johnson and be like, that’s all you need to know. I make $100,000 per show (that’s not any good). I can afford to chafe a bit while I’m waxing that ass. And that’s assuming some chick asked him for these pics. If he just sent them of his own accord, that would suggest to me a fundamental misunderstanding of the mechanics of straight lovemaking. You know, a real sense of the ultimate goal here. It might not be as obvious to him as it is to the rest of us. He may have been emailing her the kind of pics he’d like to receive from a guy, rather than the kind of pics most guys would like to send to a girl.

  • Truths.Org

    I’m jealous that you ACTUALLY get paid for such thoughtless vomit that is this blog.

    • Niggerguy

      Lil will run hip hop in a few years, don’t say i didnt tell you

      • Don mcCaine

        Niggerguy | January 20, 2011 6:26 pm

        I wish I was born black. Then all i would have to do is be able to jump high, or put some bullshit together to make it rhyme so i can be a millionaire.

        ^ from the Bol/Lil B thread

        yo Coolin…here’s a perfect example of what we were talking about…

  • Biguous

    ^^^^ PHAGGOT …and awesome post Bol

  • cmoney91

    awesome post Bol.

  • haterkiller

    u do an awful lot of hatin. who r u bol? without these rappers u constantly dis u would have no job. spread the love stop the hate. r.i.p. michael jackson…

  • http://xxlmag.com pain1

    hatekiller…stfu wit that faggot ass rip michael jackson shit

  • http://harlemworld.wordpress.com New HarlemWorld Order

    No woman is going to request phots from an obese, self confessed pr0n addict who lives off his couch. Be fucking serious here, I’m not trying to hurt anyones feelings but the truth hurts.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    I used to take out ads in the paper soliciting the company of random females that live in the metro-Atlanta area. I’d pull no punches and just put my damn phone number out there for any and all to see, knowing I’d get a lot of interest. That shit worked, too. I had a reputation back then, so I got all kinds of texts and email reponses from a wide assortment of females looking to fuck. Lucky I had the unlimited-everything plan because I’d get 5,000 responses in a week, so to whittle that number down, I used to work these hoes in stages—I couldn’t just fuck anything with two legs that sent me a reply, though sometimes I tried. So after receiving their first response to the ads, I’d respond in turn with an IM or an email with a picture of myself standing with my dick out and a couple of bitches on their knees in front of me supporting my log with both hands. The premise was simple: All hoes WANT to fuck Matt Herbz, but not all hoes are CAPABLE of fucking Matt Herbz. I’m just built like that—blame God if you must. Anway, that weeded out the riff-raff and set me up with only the flyest, thickest, and most banging honeys that weren’t afraid of a little big bad dick. Those pictures that I sent have still never seen the light of day because honeys are usually too busy touching themselves and fantasizing to it and they haven’t got the time to send it to anyone else. Go figure…

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • these posts are racist

      Matt Herbz is in the building.

      Stop the hate. Equal rights for all, including Gays. Bigotry is bigotry you hypocrites.

  • David HussleSoft

    “The Mormon Church can control whether or not teh ghey people can get married, which teh ghey people of course respond to by accusing black people of being homophobes, but that’s about it.”

    Bol always drops a gem in every post just look for it

  • small town texas

    stfu that was not a gem

  • http://www.dallaspenn.com/weblog Dallas Penn

    Bol still >>> your life

    • these posts are racist

      DP,

      What are you talking about? You’re now giving wack simple explanations? Keep talking and I’ll make a diss track about you. Oh, you ain’t heard? Yeah, i rap.

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