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Worst I ever saw

I would never send a chick a picture of my peen, if only because I figure if a chick needs to have a look at it, she can have a look at it the old fashioned way, i.e. in 3D, like United Airlines Flight 175 smacking into the South Tower of the World Trade Center. But if I did, I wouldn’t worry about it making its way to the Internets, where other chicks might see it. As far as I’m concerned, the more chicks that see it, the merrier. You’d like for them to get a look at it the old fashioned way, but what are you gonna do? Similarly, there’s always the risk of teh ghey guys jerking off to it (nullus), but it’s not like you can control what teh ghey guys jerk off to. The Mormon Church can control whether or not teh ghey people can get married, which teh ghey people of course respond to by accusing black people of being homophobes, but that’s about it. For all I know, some fruit could be rubbing one out to that post I did a while back, on Lil B watching pr0n, interactively, in a room with other guys, as we speak.

*shudders at the thought*

If I ever do decide to get into “sexting,” I’ll have to remember to make sure to only send out pictures of my schlong, and not pictures of my nasty gut and pube region [||], like these pictures Drake supposedly sent one of his jumps – perhaps that video ho in the gold lamé Ashley Stewart stretch pants that Drake was supposedly banging around the time Thank Me Later came out, in an effort to appear more straight. The other day, there was a video of her busting a few yoga moves on her living room floor, like a broke Rosa Acosta, that I posted on my own site. You might want to have a look at it. She has the kind of body I’d like to saddle up behind and ride off into the metaphorical sunset, like brothers in the ghetto, who aren’t as concerned with how a girl’s face looks. That’s not generally my thing, but every once in a while there is a girl who manages to bring out my inner Sir Mix a Lot.

These pics Drake sent out don’t actually include a shot of his junk, as far as I know. No homo. For a minute there, my concern was that I was gonna have to pull one of those moves where I only glanced at this video of my esteemed colleague Charlemagne the God skewering Drake (no fishsticks) long enough to confirm that Drake really is out here emailing girls (supposedly) pictures of his junk, and then immediately look the other way, risking a potential neck injury to go along with all of the parts of my body that I’ve managed to fuck the fuck up without hardly doing anything athletic. Drake seems more concerned with showing off the fact that he’s tastefully trimmed the hair in the region directly below the salmon-on-a-bagel sandwich baby he appears to be carrying, like a teh ghey guy would. It makes me wonder if these pics were purposely solicited by a video ho, or if this was his own idea.

I’m gonna have to assume the latter, and here’s why. If I’m Drake, why should I care if my nether regions have been properly manscaped (no Morehouse) any more than I apparently care about my physique? If a chick told me she needed me to email her a picture of my happy trail, to make sure the weeds aren’t overgrown thus obscuring the path to the lake (to thoroughly abuse a metaphor), I’d email her a picture of my johnson and be like, that’s all you need to know. I make $100,000 per show (that’s not any good). I can afford to chafe a bit while I’m waxing that ass. And that’s assuming some chick asked him for these pics. If he just sent them of his own accord, that would suggest to me a fundamental misunderstanding of the mechanics of straight lovemaking. You know, a real sense of the ultimate goal here. It might not be as obvious to him as it is to the rest of us. He may have been emailing her the kind of pics he’d like to receive from a guy, rather than the kind of pics most guys would like to send to a girl.

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