When Rap Goes The Full Retahd

What’s hot on the mean streets of the internets right now? For starters, it looks like the Hipster Rap invasion of a couple of years back has reached it’s natural conclusion. It started off with rappers wearing girl jeans and man purses, and has now evolved to the inevitable final stage – Ironic Rap. No more blatantly corny t-shirts and oh-so-ironic sunglasses – now deliberately rapping like you have down syndrome is what’s popping. It was one thing when NY rappers would do a token Dirty South record on their album, now these young dudes want to rap over some tinny drum machine that even MC Shy-D wouldn’t have effed with in 1986. You’ve got the Mixxie Boys pouring bottles on the carpet of their mom’s basement and doing a poor-man’s version of Juve’s ‘Ha’, armed with nothing but ‘swag’. No one’s expecting another Big L over here but rhyming ‘That’s Mixxie’ with ‘You Mixxie’ for a whole song is really stretching the friendship.

Odd Future made a whole video based on the joke of the world’s worst freestyle rap session, but their actual records are like Company Flow in Horrorcore mode, which is never a good idea. At least ‘The Based God’ Lil’ B made some funny shit like ‘Wonton Soup’, which is like the ultimate tribute to Ignorant Rap. JT Money from The Poison Clan must be proud as punch right now. In theory, I can’t say a bad word about anyone who releases a song called ‘Suck My Dick Hoe’ in 2010. If only it was so easy to forgive his involvement with The Pack and that corny ‘Vans’ song, or his attempts to make fake ‘emo’ joints like ‘I Still Can’t Sleep’ and ‘Exhibit 6′. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO CRY TO THIS pleads the caption in the video. So that’s what’s been missing, huh? Emotionally Fragile Rap? Didn’t work out for Charles Hamilton so great, although Kid Cudi seems to be having a fine old time crying himself a river.

Elsewhere, other Retahd Rap staples such as Nikki Minaj and Lil’ Wayne have convinced impressionable rap fans that wacky voices and fake accents are the future of the funk. While many a hip-hop critic was floored by the Black Barbie’s turn on ‘Monster’, to my ears it sounded like a rejected take from ‘What’s Up,Doc?’ by the Fu-Schnickens featuring Shaq. Rapping like a cartoon character was already perfected by Snaggapuss from the Bounce Squad, ya big dummy! Weezy seems to have pioneered the genre of Gremlin Rap already, just don’t get him wet or feed him after midnight. Waka Flocka Flame has also proved that going ‘Full Retahd’ is a winning formula, as listening to three of his tracks in a row will make you feel like an effin’ brainiac by comparison to his Short Bus vocal stylings. Rappers of tomorrow, don’t waste your time working on your vocabulary, cadence or breath control. All that’s required is a ridiculous amount of swag, a gimmicky cartoon voice or the ability to cry on demand. If you can somehow combine all three you might just be the future of Retahd Rap…

  • http://bunkerproductions.ca Dropz

    Hate! Hate! Hate!

    Didn’t know the annual ball had started.

    • GENERALCARTAGO@HOTMAIL.COM

      SPOKEN (OR RATHER WRITTEN) LIKE A TRUE HATA!

    • corey

      you stupid fucks dont know shit, when it comes to real music. thats not hate its the truth,stupid people tend to think its (HATERS) because someone dont like dumddowned kids music from grown black folks made for that little white girl listening to the radio

  • Nine-0-Five

    …great f*ckin adrticle

  • Kwame

    What a bullshit article. From what I can tell, the name drops of The Fushnickens, Company Flow and Poison Clan show an older writer, Still you work for XXL, who put all these “dumb rappers” on the covers, on their website and in their bangers section. Stop playing yourself homie. At the same time, the Charles Hamilton hate continues. You may not like his style, but I can vouch, as an older head, that he actually writes his rhymes, although he’s not my cup of tea. You probably feel like a purist, but are really a hypocrite. Put your pen down and walk into your boss’ office and tell him to give Blu the cover next month. Then we can talk. Criticism coming from the same media that highlights the bull and gives no love to those who do work on all the fundementals… in short.. as dropz put it hate hate hate

    • http://MYSPACE.COM/GENERALCARTAGO GENERALCARTAGO@HOTMAIL.COM

      REAL TALK! I LIKE YOUR COMPARISON: HOW THE THE BLOGGER BRINGS IN THE FU-SCHNIKERS, BUT WRITES FOR A MAGAZINE THAT PUTS ALL THE NEW MAINSTREAM ARTISTS ON THEIR COVER.

  • Don mcCaine

    I actually enjoy some of Charlie Ham’s music…but some of the other stuff you wrote Robbie may make a reader’s soul burn slow…

    “The Short Bus Rap Era” LoLz

  • hi

    ha i loved it

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Good fuckin post! 5 stars*****. More ppl need to speak about the bullshit that these dummies are getting away with. I’ll be damn if my kids listen to that bullshit.

  • http://akidnamedb.com Akidnamedb

    Cosigned. couldn’t have said it better myself.

  • T

    Lil B is the most retarded and “retahded” rapper of all time. No one else comes close. And his fans are even worse.

    • beaver

      hell yea.. his fans are fuckin ridiculous.. SMH

  • Q461

    LMAO that picture of Charles has me crackin up he really looks retarded there. I fuck with dudes music but that nigga looks straight Corky in the photo..

    Not for nothin I been sayin Waka sounds like he has down syndrome. And I’m certainly questioning Gucci’s IQ after son went Haagen Daz on his face.

    “Elsewhere, other Retahd Rap staples such as Nikki Minaj and Lil’ Wayne have convinced impressionable rap fans that wacky voices and fake accents are the future of the funk. While many a hip-hop critic was floored by the Black Barbie’s turn on ‘Monster’, to my ears it sounded like a rejected take from ‘What’s Up,Doc?’ by the Fu-Schnickens featuring Shaq. ”

    Also cats have been using accents and shit for a minute. Yall remember Dana Dane? He fucked with that fake British flow way before Em “ran dem accents into the ground” and Minaj went through multiple personality disorder on a track.

    Most of yall youngins prob never even heard of the Fu Schnickens SMH

    • Q

      Sure havent and could care less who gives a damn old heads annoy me wit comments like that

      • Don mcCaine

        I bet there are are more who are praying for your soul than wanna sh^T on this comment…how life is, YOU will be the next OG than die young…ready?

  • http://www.ahmedhoke.com/ Hunnit Thousand Seminar

    Robbie made it to the promised land!

    Commenters, don’t play yourself. Unkut is one of the greatest sites you will probly never visit cause of all the mean mugs in the sidebar reminding you of your dad that listens to that Hip Hop stuff.

    • A’Peks

      I laughed.

      Great post, Robbie.

  • TheBlackLung

    This article has been needed for a while now.

  • YOM

    Couldn’t agree with you more. I’m not even commenting on that weirdo who said he wants rape another rapper and gets props on sucker free m.t.v. as well as this site and others.
    I see minaj losing it completely soon like hamilton and I never liked that dudes music except for “Brooklyn girl”.I’m sure his supporters look like his picture you posted or worse.
    Just do what I do,listen to good music and ignore the bullshit!!

  • Donald

    Great post, dad!

    Hip-hop has been long enough for there be a generational rift – if you don’t get why Odd Future or Wayne (or Lil B, if you’re feeling generous) are great you’re obviously a relic from ages past concerning your understanding of music. Robbie. Come on, Robbie. You don’t look pretty on that high horse. It’s not edgy, it’s not new.

  • Nunya

    Hell yeah, glad I’m not the only one thinking Lil B is fucking moron that shouldn’t have 76,439 presser items about him.

  • m

    gasp he has an opinion of his own HATTTERRR

  • fosterkakhunter

    Right on, Robbie.

  • Melvin Burch

    Don’t you EVVVVVVVER *Chris Jericho voice* in your putrid life associated Charles Hamilton with “retarted”.

    And for the sake of YOUR premise, this article is BARELY even about him, seeing as he was BARELY mentioned.

    Yet, his photo is at the head of the article?
    Still, I already know what’s going on…

    You can’t erase him.

    Just MY opinion?
    Kid Cudi is ass.
    And he’s having such a FINE time, because he has a bunch of FINE white chicks buying his sh*t. Nothing wrong with reaching ALL demographics though…

    Also, purely speculative mind you, he has a few corporate dicks in his ass.

    Small price to pay for manufactured marketability.
    Huhn?! *Kanye voice*
    Am I hating?

    Whatever though…
    “I really don’t mean to be rude at all…”
    – Charles Hamilton, “Get On The Bandwagon”

    - Melvin Burch

  • Drew Stephens

    its not hateing its the truth waka flocka is the worst rapper ever and anybody who likes him is a fucking faggot. Nothing about him is talented.

  • YOM

    Hamilton is a cornball who erased himself.
    Stating a fact isn’t hating asses.
    A hater would hate all hip-hop except for maybe one.
    I find when fools can’t defend the bullshit they come back at you with the hater nonsense because they ride the short yellow bus like some of these cats posing as artists.

  • http://www.cac-tv.com CAC

    LMAO Funny article!

  • Jaz

    The wackness is NOT Hip Hop, is it Pop-Rap trash…”rapping” like a retard is NOT Hip Hop Hop, rapping is only one aspect of Hip Hop, we need to get rid of utter and embarassing wackness like the Minaj’s, the Hamilton’s, the Lil B’s, The Flocka Flames, The Manes, the Boys, the Waynes, the Drake’s etc…why do so many over rate the wackness that would have been dismissed and laughed at back in the day?

    Real MC’s need to take on the wack crumbs and send them home running to thier Mothers because enough is enough, back in the days, the wack got battled and dismissed, it just floods the market now, please don’t call it Hip Hop, it has no right to be called Hip Hop…pure wackness is not what Kool Herc and Afrika Bam, bled and sweat for.

    Dope article Robbie.

  • Piltdown Mann

    Sigh. This article sloppy, but the auther probably has alzheimers, so…

  • MTI

    no one gets the humor, no one uses the word “hate” correctly; do you think the writer is jealous of charles hamilton and wants to be him? unkut in the building

  • Goatmouth

    Bounce Squad. Wow! That is some real shit right there. Take us back to the good old days of rap music.

  • NAPTOWNNUISANCE

    I couldnt agree more on this post. Rap has takin a turn for the worst and is being dumbed down And its sad, and what is even sadder is the young dumb impressionable fans. Who say comments like this from old heads annoy them. Real intelligent.
    This just shows just how bad the industry has screwed the image of hip hop up, and how its lost the lyricism.
    But there is a light at the end of the tunnel and good rap is back and thankfully this garbage gettin exposed is on its way out.
    The sad part for me is one of my favorite rappers started doin the stupid voices a few years back, but thankfully decided to stop because he heard his fans complaining about it.
    Now the rest of these dummies need to go back to the streets and give up rappin…..because true hip hop fans dont want them here in the music game. That means you Rick Ross, Waka, Gucci, Soulja boi and the countless other dummies gettin paid for the garbage they come up with.

  • NAPTOWNNUISANCE

    What makes me proud is when a lot of younger cats I talk to say they cant stand todays rap and love the music I listen to and grew up on. That just say there is still hope, especially when the younger generation has a majority of people not bein fooled by the garbage bein spoon fed to them.

  • 80′s baby

    Thank you Robbie for saying what we have all known for a long time now!! HIP HOP IS COMING BACK FOR BLOOD. . .retahds beware(i.e. minaj,gucci,wayne,flocka,soulja and the rest of you lame mfers living in la la land). Smmh.. .Sit down or lay down looney toons ahaha you gotta be f*ckn kiddn me gtfoh all deese guppies is shark bait to REAL emcees. Great article Loooooooove it!!!!

  • Jaz

    All the wackness is NOT Hip Hop it’s as simple as that it is Pop-Rap which falls under the Pop music categorty, nothing to do with Hip Hop at all, put could someone please rip out Minaj’s voicebox, her horrible voice and embarassing “rapping” make my ears bleed.

  • kill bill

    fuck new school rap.

  • Pingback: Rap Round Table, Week Ending 2/4/2011

  • http://facebook.com d-1c3

    HATEHATEHATE*

  • MichaelT

    “This ain’t no Drake shit, and that cryin’s gettin old”

    -Domo Genesis “Last Roll” off of Rolling Papers

    I hate to point out the obvious, but OF is the future of hip-hop. Can’t wait til April 15th.

  • beaver

    “No one’s expecting another Big L over here but rhyming ‘That’s Mixxie’ with ‘You Mixxie’ for a whole song is really stretching the friendship.”

    “Waka Flocka Flame has also proved that going ‘Full Retahd’ is a winning formula, as listening to three of his tracks in a row will make you feel like an effin’ brainiac by comparison to his Short Bus vocal stylings. Rappers of tomorrow, don’t waste your time working on your vocabulary, cadence or breath control. All that’s required is a ridiculous amount of swag, a gimmicky cartoon voice or the ability to cry on demand. If you can somehow combine all three you might just be the future of Retahd Rap…”

    i cosign with most of it but alot is hyprocritical..some shit i couldnt said it any better but u work for xxl and u fuckiin guys are the 1s postin this fuckin whack shit..supportin it.. spreadin it and such..

    i’m only 17 years old.. but i see myself as and old head of hiphop.. i know what real true hiphop is.. i fuckin hate most this new shit comin out. wiz, travis porter, wka, gucci, wayne, lil b and such… shit is so fuckin whack..
    i listen to REAL HIPHOP.. Big L, rakim, nas, gangstarr, Blu, Stalley, Slaughterhouse, DOOM, Fashawn, Souls Of mischief, Wutang etc..

    CH is a pretty dope artist..btw

    FUCK POP RAP!!!

  • DO

    nuthing but the thruth right here, good that somebody is sayin something about this sheit!!

  • Mr Bishop

    the problem is these new acts do everything by the internet. SB got famous off of a myspace page, not by battling in cyphers. when you get goofy-ass teens that wouldn’t know good hip hop if it beat their asses tuninginto this bullshit, the culture suffers. then they have the “you’re a hater” defense, which covers their tracks from being accountable for their crap.
    real rap is making a comeback (slaughterhouse, yela, jay electronica), and hopefully, we can push this bullshit (MOSTLY FROM THE SOUTH!) back to where it belongs, on the short bus (shorty).

  • riley

    lol’d

  • http://XXLMAG Tony Bee

    Regardless of the the writers age,this new shit is corny and dumb as hell!