A ham sandwich > Hamsterdam > “H.A.M.”

With all due respect, past and present, and without further to do.

1) Watch the Throne is just a worthless cash-in, right?

Jay-Z hasn’t had an album out in a couple of years, and there doesn’t appear to be a new Jay-Z album on the horizon. I’m not sure if his 42 year-old brain is capable of just mumbling any ol’ shit into a microphone and coming up with a halfway decent album, like he did back in the days of The Dynasty and The Blueprint. Even if he could have an album recorded and ready to release by the summer, that wouldn’t leave very much time to come up with the marketing tie-ins necessary to release a rap album in 2K11. Jay Electronica already has that nasty red Mountain Dew ‘pon lock, and I’m pretty sure the other flavors, which only appear intermittently, have been claimed by Taco Bell and the original Xbox. Kanye West, theoretically at least, is still riding high off the buzz from My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, even though it sold worst than 808s & Heartbreak; it”s now being outsold by Nicki Minaj’s Fish Friday, which even Noz and his ilk didn’t pretend to like; and it might eventually be outsold by the Nicki Minaj album, if it hasn’t been already. (Fuck research.) It used to be the case that Jay-Z could release any ol’ shit six months after his album came out (collaborations with R Kelly, Linkin Park, etc.) and make a few dollars off it, but that was back when you could easily dupe people into buying a CD that wasn’t worth a shit, by stamping the name Jay-Z on it. I guess they figure Watch the Throne at least looks like a good idea on paper.

2) Big brother is teaching little brother all of the tricks of the trade.

I can see it now. Jay-Z and Kanye West were in Peter Gabriel’s studio, trying to recapture some of that “In Your Eyes” magic (which is understandable), when they both realized they were out of ideas. Kanye West was all set to call it quits and go sniff cocaine from the crevice between Shay UK Bombshell’s gigantic cans, when Jay-Z, who might be jealous of the random British Twitter ho, announced he had an idea. They could just do the same thing he always does when he’s hard up for an idea: borrow one from someone else – in this case, obscure southern rapper Pill, who had that song “Trap Going Ham,” or whatever it was called, a couple of years ago. He may have been one of those XXL Freshman who went on to not do very much in their careers, just like… well, pretty much all of them, but I can’t remember, even though I work here and hence have no choice but to visit this site at least once a day. If Pill is hard up for money, which I’m sure he is, he might want to consider extracting some blood money from Jay and Kanye, for the use of his “swag.” If he doesn’t want to take them to court, like in that Facebook movie, or he can’t afford to, he should at least try to get a sympathy verse on a potential remix. Or maybe he can get a job at Jay-Z’s new fried chicken restaurant. He could become a member of the chicken fryers union, which I really did found as a teenager back in the late ’90s.

3) Freestyling is for MCs who have skills.

The lyrics to “H.A.M.” are obviously pure stream of consciousness. You can tell from both the fact that they aren’t any good, and the fact that Kanye’s verse eventually veers off into discussion of his desire to make sweet, passionate love to white women. Jay-Z can kinda get away with it. His verse is not very good, especially if you don’t care for the whole double time thing, but it’s not any worse than any of the verses from his past few albums. Kanye’s verse, on the other hand, is just awful. He rhymes Jigga with nigga, Mark Twain-style; he brings up Pam from the TV show Martin, seemingly for no other reason than to rhyme her name with the word ham. And those are just the things I can remember from the two times I subjected myself to this crap. I’m sure there’s more. Let me guess, they were too strapped for time to fly someone out to write Kanye’s verses for him, like they did on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.

4) Don’t trust anyone who pretended this is a good song, or acted as if they didn’t have an opinion.

Believe it or not, I really did expect this to be a good song. It’s Jay-Z and Kanye, who, on many an occasion, have combined like chocolate and peanut butter. No fishsticks. I spent what seemed like an eternity this “morning” clicking through article after article re: “H.A.M.” in my Google Reader, and none of them mentioned anything about it sucking balls. In fact, none of them seemed to have anything to say about whether or not it was any good, except for the King of the Internets, Miss Info, who seemed very enthusiastic. It just goes to show how useless the hip-hop Internets have become.

  • TOKENPOST

    A who gives a HAM

  • iRONY

    People claim you are a HATER and, for the most part, theyre right.

    They could’ve farted the Star Spangeld Banner and you’d rip them to shreds on that.

    But seriously, conceptionally, the track has the creative direction of a Gucci Mane/ Wacka Flocka single…

  • these posts are racist

    The “Pam” reference is referring to the show “Martin” where Martin would always kick Pam out of his condo…Wayne was the first to make this reference in his song with Drake “Miss Me”.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/EmceeLocksmith these posts are racist

    The “Pam” reference is referring to the show “Martin” where Martin would always kick Pam out of his condo…Wayne was the first to make this reference in his song with Drake “Miss Me”.

    And I predict the next track will be hot…for now, click my name for real heat.

  • dat koon nigga

    i am trying to stick up for jigga boon man or a mextro sexual skinny jean ass nigga but boi can ham dez nutz

    no h0m0 fat man

  • whitequickness

    u didnt appreciate the eli porter reference in the kanye verse bol?

  • Q461

    “But seriously, conceptionally, the track has the creative direction of a Gucci Mane/ Wacka Flocka single…”

    Co-sign. I’m all for dope music if thats what this collabo is going to produce… but I was pretty underwhelmed and disappointed with this track… Hoping the rest of the record is as Bananas as it should be.

    Still dont understand why they didnt push this for later in the year. MBDTF sure as hell aint cold yet.

    As far as the Pam from Martin reference, dudn’t Banks say somethin similar about Jazzy Jeff from Fresh Prince of Bel Air? Can’t remember what track I heard dude say that…..

    • Shawty J

      That was Fabolous

      “Her and my dick just became BFFs/ In the morning I kick her out like Jazzy J-E-F-F”

      • Q461

        Thanks yo! Now I remember it was Fab….. good lookin out man

  • fuckresearch

    “It just goes to show how useless the hip-hop Internets have become.” Chuck D’s gonna be looking into this issue Im sure. Never have so many been pimped by so few, indeed.

    Bol can you find out why rappers be making anti Wikileaks statements, such as the one in the new Slaughterhouse track ft LOX. End of the year rapper Skillz seems to think Julian Assange is some kind of dry snitch, which just pisses me off immensely. I thought rappers would be putting him in videos and bigging up his anti American government stance, but no. SlaughterHouse or at least one of the Housers is gonna “blow through” wikileaks on their “next Freestyle.” SMFH.

  • fo0d riot

    I was all ready to not like this song…..but its not bad. Their voices are sped up making them sound like teens.

    • GUAPP

      I thought i was the only one who noticed that….

      not a good look jay…

  • Killmatic

    HAM belongs to the south….Jay Elec right again NY rappers do jack the south’s slang.

    • thoreauly77

      of course its from the south; its fucking retarded.

      • that nigga

        haha!!

  • Simple like ABC, 123

    Beat is great but for Rick Ross, Three 6 Mafia, Project Pat, Bun-B, Lil Wayne or even Wacka.

    The word H.A.M. is old in the south, like the word bling-bling.

    Jay-Z is a bitter (Das Efx, Nas, BIG, Beanie Sigel, Young Chris, Kanye West, Jay Electronica)

    Nicky Minaj’s album sold more than MBDTF

  • http://royalradio.wordpress.com U.G. Royal

    I think the main reason people are reluctant to say they don’t like the shit is because they like Kanye and Jay-Z n was expecting something major. I.e.”Haters” or that song off of College Dropout. If you shit on it too early they gone come out with something nasty and EVERYBODY and they momma gone bring up the fact that you didn’t like that first joint. Even on my blog I allude to the fact that “neither of them did the beat justice” without saying I thought Kanye verse was worse than what i would expect Waka Flocka to come out of jail and slur into a mic. Jay verse was decent but from the nigga that made the Dynasty Intro decent ain’t good enough

  • caino

    ‘ It just goes to show how useless the hip-hop Internets have become.’ – True dat.

    the song is not good, peeps just accept it.

  • One Guy

    This is like a TPAR track…Overhyped and underwhelming.

    • these posts are racist

      Ease up hater…I bet you haven’t listened to one of my freestyles. Die slow.

      • One Guy

        Actually I have, and its not hate, its an opinion. I happen to think that your raps are kind of boring, you should change your name to nyquil the way you have people getting drowsy. But to justify my comments you claim to be as good as jay z and kanye, but I find your songs rather boring. Lyrically your not bad but if you claim to be something great you gotta back it up better. Maybe one day you will have potential and keep doing what you do because as long as you have a passion for it that is all that should matter. I apologize if I offend you TPAR but the beauty in the world is that everyone can have differences especially in opinion.

        • these posts are racist

          I’m just clowning with you homey…I have thick skin. I appreciate that you listened…and mos def respect you opinion.

          One, fam.

  • Bol Stan

    Pill needs some money asap

  • NIKKY

    when i heard this song, i was so dissapointed. it seemed like waka flocka’s producer made it and that lady singing opera behind the beat was not genius, but just fricken weird.

  • Rawky

    Bol does it again, praise be for peeps with some braincells left. This brother got more of em and he kills that liquor than most of y’all writing.
    Jay Z’s become a muthafucking ham. Ham singer, ham celebrity, hamming it up getting his PR folk to keep us posted bout all the ol spending big on this and that bullshit.
    Mr Beyonce’s getting mighty boring. His biz marriage with Beyonce gives him the paper on account records but damn, he’s a HAM.
    He shows ya why rappers over 40 are sad. He shoulda stayed out of the biz, all that coke he sniffs makes him feel he write the shit but what he what he now writes is SHIT.
    Illuminati? get outta here, this negros owned by Live Nation which is why he’s touring his old ass off. Booking out hotels in Vegas?
    Yeah, Suge Knight did that too. He also didnt pay bills just like Jay Zs stiffing biz on payments. Negro please – stick to Dream Hampton writing your books and repeating the same ol lies about you hustling when you were 12.
    You should be praising the Lord instead of pretending to be some copycat Illuminati or Black God that all the real hustlas that saved your ass time and time again aint spilling to the media about you.
    Wait – De-haven did, now he’s quiet. Jay Z got a fund that he pays the real talkers off with.
    Negro – get your ugly ass into retirement again and don’t come back.

  • nosleept1lbklyn

    It seems like the concept was all off for the track, especially coming from the enthusiasm they had from the power remix and monster and besides the beat from lex luger sounds like something rick ross turned down for his album lmao.

  • DrMswagga

    thanks bol – at least you see the light, what a disapointing track

  • http://www.reverbnation.com/yungeat E

    ..i mean i wouldn’t call the track a complete failure, YES it was a bad concept, YES MBDTF still had enough hype for ‘Ye to chill, but the track stilll had heat in their verses. Jay is far from what he was, everyone knows that, so for him to be spitting garbage out and then do this track, i’d say this is the one of the best verses i’ve heard from him in a while. i think people who say they “absolutely hate”the track are just not real ‘Ye and Jay listeners. that track was pretty good if you ask me, FAR from the “Power Remix” but still a nice track. on the other hand like i said, ‘Ye should have just kept this whole “Watch the Throne” idea til after all of his album hype goes away….

    [Juz Sayin]

  • PurpleKushY

    Yo BOL, I only read the ByronCrawford.com, until now… These articles are by far the best written hip-hop LIT I’ve read since… COMBAT JACK THE GAWD.

    KEEP THESE CLASSICS COMING, YOU DONE EVISCERATED THESE NYKKUHS! lol @ people liking this trash…

    lol @ ‘ye not flying people out to pen some hot bars