Whip my fez
That Jay Electronica-Willow Smith collabo I’ve been hoping for just got one step closer to fruition: It was announced at some point in between the last time I was on the Internets – when I published that hilarious post on Charles Hamilton – and just now that Jay Electronica signed to Roc Nation, Jay-Z’s label with Live Nation, the concert promoter. It’s been the talk of Black People Twitter since I got out of bed a few hours ago.
The signing took place at a weird event that took place at what looked like it might have been a male strip club, like where The Situation used to work. Jay-Z said a few words about Jay Electronica, then Jay Electronica came out and kicked a few bars from “Exhibit C,” as a reminder of why anyone might still give a shit at this point. It looks like a YouTube-ready video of the event was sent out to all of the bloggers who can be counted on to slavishly post promo material. Of course Miss Info has a copy, if you haven’t already seen it.
You’d think Jay-Z would have better things to do, the week his book comes out, than sign Jay Electronica. He could have been off somewhere doing an interview, or explaining “99 Problems” (as if it requires an explanation) to old white people at a Barnes and Noble. It’s not like Jay Electronica couldn’t wait, what with his busy schedule of wandering the streets, looking like the hip-hop equivalent of Jamie Foxx in the movie The Soloist. (I uncovered a number of fascinating parallels in a post on my own site a while back.) The buzz from “Exhibit C” has long since been squandered.
Or was this signing part of the promotion for the book? You know, as a sort of real life example of his business acumen, as discussed in the book. It’s one thing to discuss your rise from lowly Trenton, NJ crack dealer to the fake president of Def Jam with a reporter from the Washington Post. It’s a whole other thing to sign one of the top up and coming (36 year-old) MCs in the game, right out from under Diddy, who’s been courting him for upwards of a year now, and probably spent a shedload of money he’s never gonna get back flying him around, buying him a fez made from only the finest upper lip hair from a Cambodian woman, and what have you. That’s a shrewd business maneuver.
Diddy, of course, was none too pleased. Without mentioning Jay-Z or Jay Electronica by name, he went on Twitter and started complaining about how bad it feels when one of your so-called friends stabs you in the back. Then he up and announced that he decided to get married, next Valentines Day. He didn’t say to whom in particular. Is he still with that ancient model who also has a son by Al B Sure? I’m not sure I’d be trying to be marry her, at this point. This is not 1989. Or is the plan to find some chick to marry between now and Valentines Day? That could actually be a good idea. Imagine, if you were Diddy, and you announced that you were looking for a chick to marry on Valentines Day, three months from now. I bet a lot of smoking hot chicks would line up for that opportunity. They could even film it for one of these MTV reality shows Diddy produces. Diddy’s Next Big Child Support Recipient, or something to that effect. Diddy himself could star, and he and his prospective brides could have sex with that weird, green Paris Hilton pr0n lighting, like on Jersey Shore. I’m sure Diddy could be talked into it. Remember that time he once had sex for like two days in a row on Twitter? Talking the girls into it obviously wouldn’t be an issue.
If Jay Electronica weren’t mental, Diddy could play it off like he was referring to one of his baby mothers, who stabbed him in the back by hitting up each month for more money in child support than I make in a year. Probably two years. It looks like Diddy is already trying to conduct damage control, by claiming his tweets (my bad) didn’t have anything to do with Jay-Z; by congratulating Jay Electronica; and by randomly announcing that he plans to get married, which could have the effect deflecting attention from Jay Electronica signing to Roc Nation. Who gives a shit about rap music? Diddy is getting married! If only Jay Electronica had the sense not to respond to Diddy, via Twitter, with what sounded like the kind of threats a crazy homeless guy makes when he gets turned away from free taco day at Jack in the Box, right before the cops show up. Erykah Badu, who could be a stabilizing influence for Jay Electronica, if she weren’t just as crazy (if not more so), also chimed in. So much for that.
It’s probably for the best that Jay Electronica ended up on Roc Nation rather than the new, fake Bad Boy. Diddy, who’s still looking for a replacement Biggie, umpteen years after the fact, needs a hit like a crackhead needs a hit. Jay Electronica isn’t capable of making a hit. “Exhibit C” was the best and most popular song he’ll ever make, and it probably didn’t sell very many copies. Jay-Z doesn’t give a shit, because he’s got a book to promote, and whatever it cost to sign Jay Electronica ($200 and a bottle of Xanax?) probably came out of Live Nation’s pockets anyway.