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They’re Gonna Blame Us Regardless

We’ve all seen the news reports, the e-blurbs, paper clippings and everything in between. People are scrambling to get things under control and others are just scrambling for their livelihoods, while the so-called pundits of the music world and, of course, people with no semblance of knowledge or actual fact are basing this phenomenon solely from word of mouth and other such jibba jabba.

What was once considered a taboo side hustle has now become a lucrative business of sorts, with hip hop as the central inspiration (or culprit, if you will) behind it. After its explosion people saw how seemingly easy it could bring them as much notoriety as it could money and began doing underhanded things to make it happen, which has now brought unwarranted attention from the media and – more importantly – the fuzz.

Now we’re in an era where, under the solemn stare of the all-seeing eye, people are panicking and desperately trying to find other ways to satisfy their fix, while suppliers are finding other, if not entirely legal, ways of appease that demand. Things will ultimately coming to a head, with the moral and legal ramifications to affect the business for years to come.

I’m talking, of course, of these weird surgical procedures women do to make their asses fatter. Disgusting, disgusting shit.

I love a nice set of ass like the next red-blooded, heterosexual male (and homosexual woman). Hell, I’ve watched enough Reality Kings-produced content to even have an appreciation for fake asses. But seeing an awkwardly shaped, surgically mauled donkey just hurts my feelings. Thanks to urban culture’s prominence in pop culture (at least the tall Israelis got something right), a simple click on your computer mouse can have women resembling their “ass prototype,” Ray-J victim/inexplicable pr0n star-turned-businesswoman Kim Kardashian.

Fuck Ray-J.

Sir Mix-A-Lot made a chart-topping song about it and hip hop has long made it a staple to have them in its videos, but it was arguably Jennifer Lopez [1] that popularized the big butt in popular culture. Something that used to be commonplace on any street from Harlem to Inglewood has now garnered worldwide acclaim, and what used to be considered a physical deformity (word to Sarah Baartman) has now become a million dollar business with some women who are lacking in the packing doing whatever it takes to have a prominent backside, even resorting to Krazy Glue and bathroom caulk ass enhancements.

Really? Krazy Glue and caulk? Seriously? Are schmags that desperate these days? Damn like Ron Simmons.

Regardless, the end result will be the same: what used to be a low profile, oft-ignored aspect of urban culture has now exploded into unprecedented preeminence that’s now going to be exploited, misconstrued and ultimately violated thanks to those who simply do not understand its mechanics, and we’re all going to lose because of it.

[1] Never mind the millions of equally- or better-shaped women that preceded her, but that’s another argument for another time.

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