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The real reason Dubya is upset with Kanye

I spend too much time sitting around in my underwear researching, alternately, pr0nography and the Illuminati to think that it’s a mere matter of coincidence that former president George W. Bush gave an interview to Matt Lauer of the Today Show, his first big Frost/Nixon-style interview since leaving the White House, in which he discussed Kanye West, of all people, the same week a lot of crazed cracka-ass crackas got elected to the House and Senate, along with various state offices, and the same week the new Taylor Swift album had the best sales week of any album since Fiddy Cent’s The Massacre, even better than Tha Carter III a few years ago. Kanye’s album isn’t out yet, but he’s been all over the place the past few weeks, with his throwaway of the week MP3 program, taking pictures of his schlong and emailing them to the African fellow who owns Media Take Out (no Morehouse?), so on and so forth. This was as good a time as any for Dubya to throw Kanye under a bus. Karl Rove must be more in tune to pop culture than you’d think.

Which is not to say that I don’t believe the ex-president when he says that Kanye calling him a racist was the absolute worst moment of his presidency, right up there with that time Laura Bush had to put a shoe on him, and he had to pretend as if he’d choked a pretzel and fell on his face, gasping for air (which he obviously can’t discuss), let alone watching all of those people die on 9/11, and in Hurricane Katrina, and over in Iraq and Afghanistan. Those were definitely unfortunate incidents (I’d like to make that clear), but they didn’t affect him as much personally. It’s not like he was actually in 9/11 – he was down in Florida reading My Pet Goat. He only heard about it after the fact, and even then he was like, “Does this mean I have to stop what I’m doing?” He just wasn’t as involved in those events emotionally. And I happen to know, from having spent so much time around white people (I’m a tantamount cracka-ologist), that there isn’t anything that could possibly bother them more than being called a racist. They can’t stand that shit. Ironically enough, the more racist they are, the more they can’t stand being called a racist. They must feel guilty about something. Black people, on the other hand, could give a rat’s ass about being called a racist. Just call me the black David Duke. I’m getting tired of Indian people’s shit.

But this wasn’t about settling a score with Kanye West (which could easily be accomplished via the IRS or some shit) so much as it was about cementing his legacy. He’s got this new book coming out. He wants to impress upon people that his wasn’t the worst presidency of all time. Of ALL TIME. And instead of trying to argue that 9/11, Iraq and Afghanistan, Hurricane Katrina, the recession and what have you were all good for the US, which would be difficult for someone who doesn’t have a very strong grip on language, he figured why not just play the race card. He may not have been the best president, but at least he wasn’t black! A lot of cracka-ass crackas are already riled up about how we somehow managed to elect a black-ish president. He could use that to his advantage. And so the purpose of mentioning Kanye’s comments on the Today Show, as if that was one of the most important things that happened during his presidency, was to inject race into the discussion, but in a way that wasn’t quite as obvious as, say, somehow referring to his whiteness in the book’s title.

It’s just too bad Kanye doesn’t have the sense to realize what’s going on here. He went on some radio station down in Houston, TX yesterday, probably the same station that banned Trae the Truth, and when they asked him what he thought about Dubya going on the Today Show and claiming that Kanye’s comments during that Katrina telethon was the worst moment of his presidency, Kanye said he sympathized with the former president, because people tried to call him a racist, too, when he snatched the mic out of Taylor Swift’s hands at the VMAs to announce that “Single Ladies” was one of the best videos of all time. Of ALL TIME. Tha fuck? What part of the game is that? I wouldn’t care if Laura Bush did something to his junk while he was trying to take a nap – I just don’t like the idea of rappers expressing their sympathy for the president. I know he’s got an album coming out soon, and he can’t afford to upset any more white people, but still. I see this as a failure of analysis. It’s not like it occurred to him that the president used his name as a code word for “dreaded n-words who are ruining this country,” but he decided not to go in, for business purposes.

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