How much of a trip must it be to wake up on Thanksgiving and see that the domain name to your blog has been hijacked by the Department of Homeland Security, “pending an investigation?”
You roll off of the couch at the ass crack of 12 p.m., planning to take advantage of the fact that you don’t have to go to work for the next couple of days by starting to drink more or less immediately, and by not stopping until either (a) your parents run out of alcohol (and of course try to make a big deal out of it), or (b) you get so drunk you forget you’re supposed to continue drinking; and by eating more food in the course of an afternoon than you might eat in some weeks. But first you check the Internets, to make sure there isn’t anything having to do with Kanye that you can pretend to give a shit about for a handful of pennies, which is what you do for a living. You find that hilarious video of my white cousin in New York boo-ing the Kanye West float at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and you go to post it, but come to find out your site’s been removed from the Internets – and not just by some group of furrin hackers jealous of the quality and variety of beautiful women we have here in the States, which is what happened to BangBros on Thanksgiving (who else was affected by this?), but by the Department of Motherfucking Homeland Security.
It’s a good thing consuming copious amounts of food and alcohol can often help you forget about these things. At least temporarily.
I’d be especially concerned with the fact that the ridonkulously Orwellian sounding (to the point that it almost seems like a joke) Department of Homeland Security is somehow involved in this. I thought their main purpose was to combat terrorism? I mean, I could see if this was a case where there was a clear potential link (not an oxymoron) between a bootlegging operation and the terrorists, as was the case when Lil Wayne had DJ Drama busted, a few years ago. I can’t remember if the authorities made a specific link between piracy that case and the war on terra, or if that was just the name of a mixtape by MIA, but I do recall finding it odd that there was a bunch of Africans involved, and that a shedload of machine guns were seized. I’m like that Jewish IRS agent (the horror!) in last night’s episode of Boardwalk Empire: the idea of Africans with weapons always makes me a little bit uneasy, and probably for a good reason.
It hadn’t been clear to me that any of the sites that got busted the other day were run by the kind of people who might be involved with terrorism, i.e. the kind of people who might get “randomly” pulled out of line for a full cavity search at the airport. The guy who runs OnSmash is a shadowy figure, like the members of the Illuminati, but I seem to recall there being a picture of him in VIBE magazine a few years ago, before it went out of business, and him being an average-looking, somewhat doughy, 20-something going on middle aged white guy – the kind of guy you might see at a Wu-Tang concert, Ws in the air, stuffed inside a circa ’96 Wu-Wear t-shirt like a shedload of Wonder Bread. In other words, dude seemed mad American to me, not the kind of guy I’d be worried about blowing something up.
If I were him, I’d see about having my case transferred to another government agency. It’s a known fact that once you’re declared a terrorist, or someone suspected of being involved with the terrorists (like TPAR), you no longer have any rights. They can just up and kidnap you in the middle of the night and ship you off to Gitmo. Granted, Gitmo supposedly has better health care than we have here in the States, as revealed in that Michael Moore movie (so you know it’s true), but you also hear about a lot of people dying, for whatever reason, while being held down there in Gitmo. They probably need really good health care, to keep people from dying after having their balls shocked with jumper cables.
That’s not the kind of shit you’d want to have to worry about, just because the main purpose of your blog is to bootleg people’s shit. There’s even a genuine question as to whether that’s the main purpose of a lot of these blogs. I’m just saying that, because I’m a hater. But I’m not a judge and a jury. Shouldn’t things like this be argued in court, before the government just up and hijacks people’s shit? What ever happened to due process? I thought this was America?!