Smalls don’t get down like that
Just now on Twitter, Lil B the Based God wondered aloud why it didn’t merit a post on Media Take Out when Biggie Smalls threatened to fuck another guy in the ass. It wasn’t clear to me if Lil B is aware that there wasn’t such a thing as Media Take Out when Biggie Smalls was alive (i.e. when the based god was like two). I don’t even think there was a such thing as Media Take Out when Ol’ Dirty Bastard was alive. Media Take Out has only been around for a few years now.
Also, I wasn’t aware that Biggie Smalls once threatened to fuck another guy in the ass. When I saw that, my mind started racing, trying to recall the Biggie lyric the Based God was referring to. No homo. I’m well known for being one of the all time great Biggie Smalls stans (which of course has nothing to do with my views on 2Pac), but I’m also well known for not spending very much time at all listening to older rap music. I hear some older shit every now and again on Backspin, now that I have Sirius, but for the most part, I think listening to older rap music is for the Chinese. The only thing I could come up with wrt Biggie Smalls fucking another guy in the ass was the line (I think), “She wanted me to hit it from the back, but Smalls don’t get down like that,” which could be from the Ready to Die side-B throwaway “Friend of Mine,” but who in the fuck knows at this point. There’s also that line from (IIRC) “What’s Beef,” “Don’t you know my nigga Gutter kidnap kids, fuck ‘em in the ass throw ‘em over the bridge?” But there’s obviously talking about his dreaded n-word Gutter. Since Lil B the Based God probably heard “What’s Beef” fairly recently, if he’s heard it at all, and since his goal here is to prove that threatening to fuck other guys in the ass is alright, because Biggie Smalls did it, too, that should be clear to him.
Or it could be that one of the thousands upon thousands of dumbass kids who follow Lil B on Twitter (I’m talking about you here, Noz) told him that it was alright for him to threaten to eff Kanye West in the a, because Biggie Smalls used to rap about effing other guys in the a, and the Based God believed it, because he wouldn’t know from Biggie Smalls oeuvre (hence the crap nature of his own music), and he doesn’t know better than to believe any ol’ BS someone @replies him on Twitter. I could see if it was from a trusted source like Alex Jones, or the former governor of Minnesota Jesse “The Body’ Ventura. No but really, if Biggie Smalls did at some point or another threaten to fuck another guy in the ass, it was clearly in the context of fucking another guy in the ass being disgusting (which is not to say that there’s anything wrong with it [||]), and hence he was using it as a metaphor to describe just how epic of a drug dealer he was, or just how fancy his sweaters were, or whatever the fuck he was talking about. He didn’t mean to imply that he was seriously considering fucking another guy in the ass. It’s like, if I said I’d rather take a cheese grater to my manliness than spend the amount of time Noz has spent listening to Lil B the Based God, it doesn’t mean I’d take a cheese grater to my manliness. Worst comes to worst, I’d listen to Lil B the Based God. But first I’d see if there were any other options. LOL
The thing is, it used to be you could joke about fucking another guy in the ass and everyone knew you were kidding, because who in the fuck would actually fuck another guy in the ass. Just teh ghey people. This was before the days of guys wearing the kind of tight jeans all girls (except extremely fat girls) should be required to wear, and extra smedium t-shirts, and Kid Cudi. A locker room full of guys could force some naive, unfortunate kid into doing the impossible sit-up, confident that said kid wouldn’t secretly enjoy it, because there was still that atmosphere of straightness. I’m not even sure if I’d feel right changing into my shorts in a room full of today’s youth. No Boutros. When Lil B threatens to eff you in the a, via Twitter, you don’t necessarily have to worry about him running up behind you, on some Fleece “Booty Warrior” Johnson shit. Worst case scenario, you could just cold cock him, like his high school boyfriend did in that one video. No Morehouse. But you have to think that the thought has at least crossed his mind.
Seriously, how did hip-hop arrive at a point where rappers are threatening to fuck other rappers in the ass, via Twitter?