You know what would be painful? If your father didn’t care enough about you to send child support, and then he went and joked about it on the Internets.
Let’s just hope Joe Budden’s son isn’t on Twitter.
His father is on there as we speak yucking it up about his appearance today on the front page(!) of the Jersey Journal, the local fishwrap in his native Jersey City. First he complained that the mugshot they used, probably from one of the other times he got busted for failure to pay child support (they don’t put you on the front page of the paper for your first offense), isn’t a very good picture. Then he explained that he was on Twitter w/ everyone else (black and unemployed), in response to the article’s headline, “Where’s Joe?”
Hardy har har.
Fabolous, who was recently declared by the New York Times the funniest rapper on Twitter, which I took to mean that he’s a rapper and he tries to tell a lot of jokes on Twitter (50 Cent is the only funny rapper on Twitter), offered to pay one month, in exchange for a trade in the fantasy football league they’re in. (Is that what’s hot in the streets?) But apparently Budden felt the deal wasn’t worth being able to feed his son for a month. To his credit, this could be one of those leaques where you win a pot of money, if your team wins the Super Bowl, or whatever the goal is in fantasy football.
I’m thinking Fabolous probably would have sent Joe Budden a check for $178, or whatever someone whose career came to an end for all intents and purposes 5+ years ago has to pay per month in child support, if only to be able to say he did, on Twitter, but also because he enjoys feeling superior to Joe Budden. We’ve all got that one friend we keep around because their life is even more fucked up than ours. Attractive women will often hang out with a fat chick, or a black woman (aww dang) for similar reasons. For Fabolous that friend is obviously Joe Budden. Hence that time a few weeks ago when Fabolous was snarking on Budden for trolling, via Twitter, for guest appearances for the new Mood Muzik, and the time Fabolous had to let the world in on the fact that Taheezo was his sloppy seconds. I’m surprised the two of them still get along well enough to be in a fantasy football league together. Their league message board must be a laugh riot.
Joell Ortiz probably didn’t get an invite. He doesn’t seem to have much of a sense of humor. Which is not to say that a starving child necessarily should be a laughing matter. At any rate, it seems to have become a point of contention in Slaughterhouse. They could end up being the first rap group to break up because one member disapproved of another member being a deadbeat father. Or is that what happened to Ed OG and the Bulldogs? Lollerskates. Ortiz took to Twitter last night to take deadbeat dads to task, in what sounded like it could have been one of those PSAs NBC made you record back in the ’90s if you got caught drunk driving or some shit (“The more you know…”): “I don’t have a 6-pack or wild muscles but I’m still a model……. A ROLE model. Stop forcing women to be dads. Take care of your kids. Word.” Budden’s response was something to the effect of don’t bite the hand that feeds. Which is of course ironic, because this whole thing has to do with his failure to feed his kids.
Keep in mind, Joell Ortiz didn’t mention Joe Budden specifically when he complained about people who don”t take care of their kids. And Joell Ortiz wasn’t mentioned by name in Joe Budden’s post on how it’s not a good career move for a weed carrier to criticize the bag’s proprietor, even if a child’s well-being is at stake. But it’s obvious to anyone who was on Twitter today, i.e. most black people, what’s going on here. Now everyone knows Joell Ortiz isn’t allowed to have an opinion, because he isn’t as famous as Joe Budden, who was probably responsible for the lion’s share of the 17,000 copies or whatever that Slaughterhouse album sold. I would have assumed that that was the group dynamic anyway, because I’ve been studying weed carrying long enough now to have a postgraduate degree in it, but it’s the rare occasion when you see one member of a rap group tell another member of the group to go get his shine box like that. Pete Rock & CL Smooth had been broken up for over a decade when CL Smooth let us in on the chocolate boy wonder’s [||] personal hygiene issues. Stories about Solar’s special motivational techniques only began to emerge after Guru had bought the farm. There was that scene in Fade to Black where Memphis Bleek was sent on a blooming onion mission to Outback Steakhouse, but it’s not like Jay-Z forcefully coerced him into doing that. Memphis Bleek is just dedicated like that. That’s why he’s in the will.