The Faboulous-Soulja Boy beef is supposedly over, before they could even write songs about one another, let alone before anyone could get shit. I checked 50 Cent’s Twitter (no homo) – the first site I check in the morning now, even before BangBros – and I saw where he said that the two of them have spoken and decided to patch things up.
Fabolous may have been concerned that 50 Cent was gonna shoot him, if he didn’t stop fucking with Soulja Boy. Fiddy went on a lengthy (several tweets long, nullus) rant on Twitter yesterday about how he was going to shoot someone, if Fabolous didn’t stop fucking with Soulja Boy. I’m not sure if I’d want to call 50 Cent’s bluff. Shooting some dumb rapper, when you’ve got $400 million, doesn’t seem like a very wise thing to do, especially when it’s over a beef that hardly has anything to do with you. But 50 Cent seems like he just might do some shit like that. He seemed to more or less get away with burning down his baby’s mother’s house. And every now and again you hear about people in his orbit randomly turning up dead. 50 Cent is not the kind of guy who gives a rat’s ass about consequences and repercussions. He was on there the other day beefing with Perez Hilton, after Perez tried to get on him [||] for making gay jokes about Diddy. Fiddy joked that he had one of his teh ghey weed carriers shoot up a gay wedding. Then he openly taunted the gay mafia that secretly runs Hollywood, even though he’s spent the past few years trying to build a career in the movie business. The man has no fear.
Fabolous probably had no idea it would ever come to this. I get the idea that he’s one of these people who sits around on Twitter all day telling fill in the blank jokes, describing the various ways in which you ain’t hitting it right, but I wouldn’t know, because I don’t follow Fabolous on Twitter, because I don’t need that kind of shit clogging up my timeline, interfering with my ability to find out what my favorite pr0n chicks had for breakfast, and because I must have somehow missed the part where Fabolous went from being a teh ghey variation on Ma$e to being something otherwise reasonable people should give a shit about. Not that I have anything against the guy personally. For all I know, he could be a nice guy. It’s just, I saw a bunch of talking about how Soulja Boy must be insane, because Fabolous would eat him in a battle, and I was like, seriously? If people have to point out that you could beat Soulja Boy in a battle, you already lost. At life. I wasn’t on the Internets as much as I like the week that video of Soulja Boy’s epic coke pile surfaced, but I do seem to recall that being the only thing anyone on Twitter wanted to talk about for like two days. I’m pretty sure rappers other than Fabolous took a crack or two at Soulja Boy. No pun intended. Miss Info, trying to instigate a beef between Soulja Boy and Fiddy, presumably on orders from the Illuminati, pointed out the fact that Fiddy himself had a few things to say about it.
Why, then, the beef with Fabolous? Probably because Fabolous had one of his weed carriers slap the shit out of Kat Stacks, and Soulja Boy is in love with Kat Stacks. (FWIW the pussy could be that good. How else to explain the fact that rappers keep falling for her shit?) Lest we forget, Soulja Boy is still only like 19. Which would make him a full decade younger than I am. He’s still got a lot to learn about life. He may have already gotten more stank on his hanglow than I’ll receive in a lifetime, but I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on my few, sad sexual experiences. I’m not saying I wouldn’t bang Kat Stacks, if given the opportunity (of course I’d double bag it), but there wouldn’t be any video of her roaming around my hotel room, going through my shit, while I was in the bathroom having a post-coital undercarriage scrub (which supposedly helps prevent STDs). If I had to so much as get up to take a piss, I’d make her do that thing where she claps her hands the entire time, so I knew she wasn’t going through my wallet. But I’d probably just drop a load on her and send her on her way, i.e. to Bow Wow’s house. Because why would I want to keep her around, once I’m done with her? It’s not in a man’s nature to lay up with a woman like that. After you’ve gotten the poison out, the chemical in your brain that makes you want to be in the presence of a woman dissipates. That’s why guys go to such lengths to kick a woman out afterward, even going so far as to pay for a cab, like on last week’s Jersey Shore. In retrospect, I should have known some shit like this might happen, when I saw Soulja Boy and Kat Stacks in bed together and she wasn’t servicing him.